Dd school anxiety

[Bumblebee007]

Hi could use some options please, my dd is painfully quiet/shy, unconfident always has been. She went through year 7 struggled with anxiety/shyness but managed pretty well but towards the end of the year I could see her not coping as well.

In the holidays she has had a big panic attack, crying shaking saying she doesn't want to back, telling me things that I wasn't aware of during the year.

Her anxiety got so bad she couldn't answer her name in the register and if she had to speak to a child she didn't know she would shake and try to talk but no words would come out and has burst into tears quite a few times in front of the class, she is obviously very embarrassed when these things happen in front of her class. She's also the same with her teachers can't ask for help so doesn't get work and missed out of things as she couldn't say she wanted to do certain activities.

I'm obviously going to talk to the school and maybe another doc app but do I keep her off until I get a meeting to discuss things or make her go in on her first day? She doesn't want to go back and is very stressed. Would love to hear from other people who's children have been through similar thank you.

Organise appointments but she needs to go back on the first day. Missing it would make it worse as she'd be sat at home thinking about it even more.

Loads of info here. https://notfineinschool.org.uk/ There's also the linked fb group with thousands of members struggling with these issues. Well worth looking at x

Thanks for your replies x and thank you for the link,will have a look now.

My son struggles with attendance. A chat to the senco would be required. They may need to make reasonable adjustments to enable her to build in confidence. Start with part time time table or even a mentor to build trust with before return phased carefully to prevent anxiety getting worse. My son failed to attend, now diagnosed asd and gad he simply didn't cope. It's horrible to go through but whatever the school say their mental welfare has to come first.

Yes do get her to go in on the first day it just prolongs the inevitable. Yes to GP appointment, what is the pastoral care like? My dd had access to specific help through the school and via CAHMS it has changed her completely.

I also spend time discussing her worries with her and trying to come up coping mechanisms, she did this with CAHMS so we just go over it.

Sorry if that seems a bit simple for your DD but is has worked with mine but, we do need to continuously work at it. Sorry if I missed it does she have some good friends at school that might help?

We got to a point of school refusal with DD when her anxiety was at its worse - she would have massive panic attacks on Sunday eve.

CAMHS were great and gave her lots of coping strategies and the school are very supportive. She has regular mentor sessions and if she is feeling overwhelmed she has a pass to leave class and go to the behaviour support unit.

Hi to F and R thank you, R I will be in touch with senco when they open but not sure what they are like, hoping they can help, its a good suggestion thank you, glad it is helping your dd, do try to talk to dd but she shuts down about school and gets angry with me, rarely will tell me emotions sometimes it's hard getting things out of her, she has one friend from primary but all the other girls try to talk to her she can't and they walk off, she's got the reputation now for been the "quiet freak" so not a good base of friends 🙁

Could there be an underlying cause? Does she struggle with friendships and emotions generally? My youngest dd is also diagnosed asd and I wouldn't have dreamed of referring her except what I learned to support son. Girls presentation can be far more subtle but seniors is often where they start to struggle more. Check out nasens "flying under the radar"

More info here. Again, just a suggestion as many school refuser are on the spectrum. https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

Could you try and enrol her in some sort of after school club? Maybe drama starting with a few privates? Our DD was similar to this and getting good at swimming really improved her confidence and she used it as a conversation started too.

Hi F yes I have long thought there was something not right to be honest, but kept thinking maybe she will grow out of it but she has stood out compared to her peers for a long time. Lots of other people pick up on her not been right (adults) She does things like ignore kids she knows if they say hi to her and just acts like they're not there and pretends she hasn't heard them. Spends a lot of time in her room won't mix in immediate family activities, games / movie nights/ days out walks behind looking utterly miserable. Looked at the link and yes I see a lot of things on the list, if I make a docs appointment do I take her?! I'd feel weird labelling all her odd things in front of her.

M I sent her to a club she was passionate about for over a year, didn't talk to anyone, didn't talk to coaches took some pride in it with me but wouldn't use it to talk to other kids, even though she was very good at it (not been big headed but she was good) then all of a sudden refused to go not sure why, wouldn't say.

I would see if the senco at school is willing to refer as that way you wouldn't need to take her to an initial appointment, failing that then, yes, the gp. It is worth getting this checked as girls can really struggle in their teen years and it helps their self understanding and self worth if they know there is a reason and there's nothing "wrong" with them. Take a look at the book " can you see me?" It's part written by an 11 year old girl with asd and is really amazing as an insight, as it's written for younger readers your daughter could read it too. May help x