Summer Holiday for 13yo?

[Londonmum88]

DS (13) is reluctant to sign up to any activities over the summer holidays. I have suggested residential camps (PGL or more science-based), sports day camps, projects etc etc and he just refused all of our suggestions. When asked he said there wasn't anything he really wants to do. He seldom socialise with anyone outside school (just WhatsApp and game chat).

Throughout their primary years our summers had been filled with a combination of day camps whilst I worked, day trips to theme parks/ castles/ museums, family camping trips, family holidays, STEM workshops, library challenge, etc. So it feels really strange to "do nothing" for 6 weeks. And I suspect his "do nothing" actually means "playing games and eating crisps all day", which he knows dh and I wouldn't accept.

What do other teenagers do at this stage? Should we leave him as he is (probably imposing a chores/ game time exchange system and only switch on Wi-Fi at certain times so he is not hooked onto his PS4)?

Do you and DH have absolutely no time off at all off over the summer? Our teens generally make their own plans but we also have a family holiday, I'm taking some time off to help DS decorate his room, and DH has time off some of which will be spent visiting grandparents. 6 weeks to plan really is a lot!

Of the times when they were at home we generally have a rule that at least ine chore must be done and they must leave the house at some point! So, yes, some days are spent playing on the ps4 and eating crisps, but equally others are spent hanging out in the park, going for cycle rides, mooching round town, or just going round friends houses. Does your DC have friends he actually can meet up with, if so can he be encouraged to make plans?

I gave this some thought as I have a dd 14 who is not that social outside of clubs. I’ve booked a course of skateboarding lessons, she will be doing some volunteer dog walking for her d of e and there is a family week away too. Also there may be a D of E camp. There will probably a lot of sleeping and gaming!

Thanks @RedSkyLastNightRed I do have time off work but even with me being there DS1 is hard work. I have tried numerous attempts to discuss plans with him but it's hard when all the response just sound so negative.

I do plan to do some chores with him (like reorganising his bedroom and selling some old stuff), which was the only thing that he didn't show rejection. We may go away at some point, DS2 wanted a mini cruise or camping in France but DS1 doesn't want to go.

He doesn't meet up with friends at all, just not interested. He rarely initiates conversations with anyone. Last year I invited his classmate who lived nearby over, but DS1 didn't really talk and the boy ended up playing games with DS2.

@Geraniumpink I was thinking aling the same line, should I sign him up to something regardless of protests (even just for 1 week out of 6).

I wouldn’t worry too much tbh. My nephew was very similar at 14 - it was all computer games - does he socialise through those? - and barely spoke - a few years later he had turned into a bright and engaging young man. I do wonder if many teens go through a bit of a hermit phase.

@Geraniumpink Thanks, maybe it's a boys thing then! I was at a girls secondary school so found it a bit strange as we tended to hang out with each other very often. DS does socialise via games and WhatsApp.

So I guess I'll let him be and find some physical work for him. Maybe I'll do a couple of car boot sale with the boy and he can keep the cash.

I've just signed mine ip to the local sports centre (I do it now so I can give notice to cancel again in the first half of Aug to stop at the end of summer when all their normal sports start back up). That way they can swim and use the gym at times to suit themselves but without feeling committed to particular things on particular days.

Ds got a job in the cinema when he was 16, so at the end of year 13, he was working 5 days a week, then when he wasn’t he’d spend time with his girlfriend, go paint balling and to air soft, and spent some time with his friends. What free time he had would be spent on the computer.

I only work part time do we try to do lots of days over summer. At 12 and 14 they are still happy to do that. I make a list and try to do 2 things a week. Beach, London etc etc. I'm also encouraging them to try to complete a project over summer. For example dd bought a guitar but has barely used it so I challenged her to learn and perfect one song over summer break. Is your ds creative? May be something like building a go kart?

I found both of mine went through a similar thing about the same age (but as they are three and a half years apart it happened about 3 years apart). We had always done a variety of summer day camps, and then all of a sudden on hitting high school they decided these things weren't cool anymore, and they didn't want anything at all, and rejected all suggestions. Plus they had hit the age where we didn't absolutely have to have them in some sort of day camp for supervising reasons while we were at work. And we discovered that so many of the day camps were really aimed at primary school age. So each of them had a summer where they didn't do much at all, and I think they were a lot on the computer and they did a lot of just hanging around at home, because I couldn't get them to do anything else. I think I did push them to choose one week of something (with DS I think I pushed the first week to go to the music camp they had been to every year), but it wasn't much, after them being used to busy, busy summers.
And both of them, after doing this one summer, were much more receptive the following year to a more concerted search to find activities that interested them. We did have to search really quite hard on the internet, and ended up travelling much further than we ever had to go to the right activity (we are in London, but not central, and we ended up travelling to the West End so DS could do a musical theatre week, and right across London via tube so DD could do a skate camp). I think in many ways it was a learning experience for both of them, to discover that not having much structure day after day can really get quite boring. In fact with DD it didn't even last a whole summer, as about half way through she went on the internet herself and found something for the last week.
So my instincts are that it is normal, and that it can turn out to be a positive. But it is also the case that there is far less around for this age group than when they were younger, and you have to travel further to find something appropriate, because their interests are more developed, so they aren't prepared to accept just any old camp, or any of the multi activity camps they enjoyed when younger. If they are going to participate in such activities, they want a camp that specifically focuses on their particular interests.