AIBU to prohibit DS in Year 7 from online gaming?

[Maybot2020]

My DS who is 11 joined Year 7 of a posh west London senior school this academic year. We are not posh. I do not know if it is the done thing at better off senior schools. DS says that all the boys are permitted to play games online and he is a social pariah because I won't let him join in. Apart from the cost, I do not have time to supervise him after school because I am at work when DS comes home from school and is left to his own devices for a couple of hours. Do any of you have DS in senior school who do not play online games?

Forgot set up to play in lounge not bedroom!

If online gaming is so crucial to yr7 social life, what about kids who don't have a console? Are they doomed to be socially exiled?

One of ds' friends doesn't have a console but he plays fortnite online on his phone!

Lots you can play on phones - fifa, clash of clans, pokemon etc. Phone games equally popular as they are played on school bus.

My ds is 11 and in year 7 and has games online for maybe 2 years. He is very sensible and trustworthy for his age. We do have rules etc and his Microsoft account has restrictions. He is only allowed to be 'friends' with people we actually know and knows to not accept requests from people he doesn't know etc.

My husband understands it better than I do and manages the gaming etc but as far as I understand it our ds has an account linked to my husband so that we can track and restrict him etc we can see messages, when and for how long he is online for etc.

If online gaming is so crucial to yr7 social life, what about kids who don't have a console? Are they doomed to be socially exiled?

If they are in a group of friends where everyone else games online (as OP's DS is), this will mean that they miss out on a regular shared activity, and they will miss out both on the chat that happens during the shared activity, and the chat about the shared activity at school the next day. A bit like when everyone else goes to a party that you don't go to, and you feel a bit left out while everyone chats about in advance and afterwards. Except that this is not just one party it's continously every day. Of course a non online gaming y7 will not be socially exiled, but he at find himself feeling that he doesn't really fit inwith the gamers and having to make other friends, which might potentially be tricky if there is a high proportion of gamers! My DS once got into a friendship group where the other boys either played football or talked football for much of the time. As DS has no interest in playing football, and quickly lost interest in watching so he could fit in,he didn't stay friends with them for long! Similar sort of thing with gaming ...

Maybot2020 - Yes, his school is a private prep in Knightsbridge. He’s earned an academic scholarship to a top London secondary school, so his school work certainly hasn’t suffered.

He’s on the school cricket team and plays squash competitively. On weekends he also does aerial acrobatics and he’s a member of the school arts club and an arts scholar at his current school.

If he has a lot of homework then he doesn’t play. And as I wrote, during exam periods he only gets to play on weekends. But online gaming is how he relaxes. Whilst I went over to friends houses or hung out at coffee shops as a 13 year old when I had free time, he plays online. Not everything can be for school or teams, and I really belive that teenage boys and girls must do some things just because it’s fun.

yep both my yr7 and yr8 boys game. Yr7 is particularly into scooting so will watch for tips and tricks then go out and replicate what he has seen in the game (sometimes not so successfully! ) But half the time he is actually on youtube. He watches things like how to build your own half pipe or grinding thingy and then builds them with DH in the backyard. When a game (Fortnite!!) was messing with his head a little, we explained and told him to come off it. He now hardly plays it as he knows the effect it has on him.

Yr8 multi screens and watches youtube at the same time as gaming, along with all of his friends. They chat, look things up, socialise. (It must be said though that yr8 is autistic so this is how his group of friends interact!!) He also watches documentaries on YT at the same time too - usually things about space, history, cultural trends, and psychology!

Both walk a couple of miles too and from school and so exercise isn't an issue. The yr8 especially needs the time to decompress from real life interactions and to build up his social skills. Homework is always done first and I have strict limits on studying and gaming during exams period. Bog standard comp

Mean to say, they are both in the family areas, no phones allowed upstairs, etc. and we have free access to all chats, phones, accounts.

Thanks for all your thoughts. I discussed it with DS and agreed he could play computer games with his friends in real life but not online. He is happy as he gets to socialise with his friends and play computer games once a fortnight on a Saturday afternoon.

I have never really restricted screen time for my sons but their days are interrupted with other stuff so they don't game for 12 hours straight

They are now 16 and 13 and are at a state school. They chat over headsets to their friends either whilst playing the same game together or just chatting whilst playing different games. Plus they discuss homework.

Ds2 has a weekly D&D meet up online with his friends, they play for 2 hours every Saturday because logistically they live miles apart.

Both my children do a sporting activity, both read books, both are in top sets and have an outstanding effort grade in all subjects. We eat as a family, watch tv show together and play co-op board games together along with poker and gamble for chips. So there is a lot of other stuff going on not just gaming.

There computers are in a room downstairs not their bedrooms. They know homework has to be started the day it is given.

It is a huge part of their social lives a lot of the time because they are chatting as they game. There is a TED talk on the benefits of gaming on YouTube. Ds2 watches lots of physics/engineering stuff on YouTube too.

I think it is about balance. I would much rather they were here gaming, chatting to their mates over headsets than out on the local park getting up to goodness knows what. My friend restricts her son from gaming so all he ever wants to do is leave the house and hang out with his mates on the streets because it is boring at home.