We won our appeal but...

[DonDons39]

Firstly I just want to say that my head has been battered by the entire secondary application and appeals processes.

Little back story - we listed the maximum 3 schools we could on our secondary schools application. Daughter didn't get a place in any. We asked to go on waiting list for the 3 we applied for and an additional 3 (one was our feeder school but dd has experienced some form of bullying and the child responsible is going there), but it was still better than the nearest school with spaces which has an absolutely terrible reputation.

We had appeals in for school 1 and 2.

Fast forward to last month - during second round of allocation dd got a place in the feeder school (which was choice number 6) which we accepted to prevent her being sent to even worse school.

We went ahead with appel for school 1 (school 2 was a few weeks time) which we amazingly won. We were given notification this Friday gone, after school had shut for half term.

NOW dd has said she doesn't know whether she wants to go to school 1 and is saying she'd rather just go to school 6 (feeder school where bully is going). I know it's probably down to the fact that everyone she knows from school is going to the feeder school and its probably a scary prospect for her to walk away from everyone she knows from nursery onwards. However, it was her decision to apply for school 1 as it has a good performing arts program which she loves and she said herself said she wanted a fresh start.

I feel like tearing my hair out. I'm so frustrated. After all the stress and anxiety to get her to the position of being able to go to school 1, now she is saying she doesn't want it. I don't want to force her to go to that school if she's going to be miserable away from everyone she's ever known at school, but at the same time, I don't know where I stand...

Because we won her appeal, is her place at the allocated feeder school now automatically scrapped? What happens if we turn around and say we refuse the appeal place?

I feel as stressed now as I did the day the school places came out but now we're at half term and I can't talk to anyone at the schools to get clarification about where the hell I go from here.

If anyone can offer advice I'd be grateful, and please no hate.

I wouldn't give her a choice and just accept school 1. The fresh start and performing arts focus sound like the perfect choice.

Think there is a decision to be made about how much you make the decision and how much your child makes the decision, given that you are almost for sure approaching the decision from very different perspectives.
You also have a limited time period to make your decision.
In terms of your decision, you have an offer for school 1 and you need to make the decision to accept or reject. If you accept then your current place at school 6 is removed and offered to somebody else. If you decide to reject school 1 then you stay with school 6 place that you already have accepted.The LA should do nothing until you confirm your decision but they will expect a decision quickly. The other decision if you decide to stick with school 6 is whether you continue with the other appeal. I would say not but then I do not know all the circumstances.

I would stick with school 1, if she's feeling fragile about it I'd go so far as to tell a white lie and say the place at school 6 was pulled because of the appeal, if it'll help her draw a line under it.

I agree if you think school 1 is the best choice for her then take that decision away from her.

I'd definitely go with School one - she'll soon make new friends and it sounds a much better fit for her.

How hard is it to get a place at the feeder school? If they aren't going to be oversubscribed, then she could start at school 1 and then, if it's a disaster, change to school 6 anyway. Don't give up school 1 if you genuinely think it's better.

These appeals are notoriously hard to win, the fact you won should also give you some confidence that you’re not alone in thinking this school is the best for your daughter. As a parent, especially at her age, you need to put your big girl boots on and make a decision for your child. It is unfair to let her decide and 6 months down the line tell her I told you so (not that you would), it is just not fair on her. Sometimes it is cruel to be kind, and we are not talking about a sixth form choice, this is a 11 year old child.

She’s 11 and not really equipped to make the decision
You need to decide for her and if you really think school 1 is the best option that’s where she should go

She’s obviously not bothered by the bullying child going to school 6. This is somewhat surprising.

At 11 DC often want to stay with the pack. I had DDs that wanted to escape the pack! Secondary school can be a brilliant new start. I am assuming school 1 isn’t too far from home. Say she’s going to school 1 and ensure you make every effort to facilitate her seeing new friends. Once she goes to the induction day and sees the facilities she’s going to like it again. Big up school 1.

In this particular situation, you know what it best for her. Send her to school 1.

Send her to School 1!!!! I didn’t, I let my daughter choose despite my gut (and results) of the first school, two years in at school number 2 and we moved (to school 1). Trust your judgement as a parent.

Thanks for all your replies. I took the decision out of her hands and accepted her place at number 1. She says she's happy.

It's unbelievable but on offer day she didn't have a single school place and yesterday she was offered a place at school 5! Dd remarked "why couldn't it just be like to start with?"