Exceptionally bright 12 year old. Advice needed.

[vdbfamily]

Our youngest who is an end of August baby so always youngest in year, is very bright. Her primary head said she had never met a child so bright in her years of teaching. She is now year 8 and almost without fail gets 100% in any test across all subjects bar IT/Music?PE etc
She came home yesterday saying her German teaching had told her she was level 9 already and had got full marks in a mock GCSE. All her teachers are hassling her to chose them as an option for GCSE(even the DT teacher)
My question is what we do. I know we need to speak to school about how they make the next 3 years meaningful for her but I am not sure, with a class of 30 to manage, why she would ever be a priority when there are kids needing lots of support. Would we be letting her down to leave her cruising along.
We both work fulltime, only have one car and are not earning private school wages. School is a short walk from our house and all 3 kids are currently there. 2 older kids have not been privately educated and oldest would definitely have benefitted from that. She is currently stuggling to get through GCSEs and we are praying for passes, definitely not looking at 9's, except in languages.
I am very confused and conflicted as to right way to go.
Any suggestions please
Out of interest she is quite a complex child and would describe herself as having social anxiety. She is awaiting paediatric ENT appmt as has misophonia and cannot bear the sound of others eating breathing sniffing etc. So her school results are despite having to work with both hands over her ears(does not want to draw attention with headphones)

I got 100% in my end of year assessments in school, and never had to work for them. I was bored in almost every lesson and dropped out of university in my second year when I lost interest in having to actually exert any effort. I probably could have done with some more challenging work, music or extracurricular activities but my parents just wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer so they could brag to their friends as we live in a deprived area. I hated that about them and chose to study languages to piss them off a bit.

On the subject of languages I got an A at A Level French without having studied it at GCSE. My head of languages let me take it at A Level because I had full marks in German at GCSE. I sat a mock French GCSE paper in my third week of my A Level term and got an A*. If you're good at languages, inferring is easy enough.

Thanks for all advice. I am bracing myself to be accused of drip feeding now and wish I had given history as example not German, as my DH is half German. However, he has never spoken German to the kids and none of them studied it until year 7. They are all doing well at it and he does coach them with homework and they can hear how it should sound spoken. I just asked her again if it was an actual exam. She was given several scenarios to prepare a speech about like the spoken exam and had to say her sentences in class. She was told that her answers would have scored a 9. I don't know if her written German is as good. Her history teacher recently said her current work was high GCSE standard but that does not mean she could sit the exam next week as she has not learned the syllabus. I think some of her teachers are stretching her already. I will ask a few more questions at next parents eve. Have been more distracted by oldest who has been struggling with GCSEs so once we have survived next few weeks we can focus on her a bit more. For the other mum with DD with misophonia, I had 4 visits to GP before they would agree to ENT. She has a hearing test first in a couple of weeks and then an appmt to discuss what is going on. We will see what they think.
Back to original issue, I am inclined to keep her in current school and just see if teachers can give her extra stuff. I think after GCSES she would suit Baccalaureate which she could do fairly nearby.

Thanks for the misophonia info. I'd like to hear how it goes. Will try to PM you about it sometime.

I would keep her at the same school! With support from a Dr note, she should be able to have a small room for exams which hopefully would help her manage those with the misphonia.

Thefrendo...I have read your post a few times and cannot make any sense of it??

Punxsutawney I hope you manage to get your lovely boy sorted out. I have a primary aged boy who sounds like yours was and who is getting by; I feel for you.

As for OP I think it’s great that your DD is working so well and at such a high level. That said giving answers to 9 standard is a great indication of amazing future potential but is quite different to having covered the syllabus and topic areas/vocab needed to sit a full GCSE. I would sort out the ENT and anxiety issues rather than pushing for more right now as as others have remarked the other issues can pull the rug out from under your feet somewhat.

Other than the anxiety, does she seem to be happy at school? I know it is difficult to assess with an anxious child, however if you don't feel that it is a bad environment for her I would probably leave her be and extend her through an additional GCSE in her own time. My dd is at a high achieving school, yet would not say in yr8 that they are on track for a 9, there are too many variables, the numbers getting 9 are quite low and it might not be helpful as people might be inclined to rest on their laurels.

What does she want? What makes her happy?

I have a high achieving DS in yr9 (not straight 100% though, who is very sensitive, and we are looking at what he wants.

He wants to spend time doing physical stuff, martial arts and cadets, and even though those things don't count for anything in ucas etc, it makes him happy.

He is happy to not be in the hothousing environment of a private school. So we'd never move him

Basically, we focus less on the academic and more on the physical/emotional/social skills.

Listen to what your daughter wants. What she loves.

You last paragraph - the one that starts with "Out of interest..." I'd focus on that - supporting her emotional well being, that is what she needs your help with - the academic thing is sorted.

For those asking what she loves, there is not much outside of school. She started guitar but has just stopped that. She decided she was really into badminton but that only lasted a few weeks. She spends a lot of time in her room to get away from all the breathing, sniffing, chewing, singing in rest of house. She emerges for occasional cuddles, food, conversation or needing computer for homework. She has one bestie, who has an eating disorder, and we have phases of odd eating going on too which is hard to monitor when she will not eat with us but I do keep an eye on her plate. Not too worried re that as she is not underweight at all.
She does not seem to be bored yet and we have not had any teacher feedback that she is distracted although she tells us she often finishes the set work very quickly but thinking back to last parents eve, I am sure the teachers were suggesting she ask them for extra and I do not think she does, but as a person said, she has enough else to be grappling with with is more important than an extra GCSE or 2 so maybe focus on that for now. If we could get some strategies in place for the misophonia we might be able to get her out the bedroom at least for meals!!

How does she write with both hands over ears?

Sounds like she is happy & thriving where she is. As much as she can. Why would you upset that apple cart.

And she still has challenges: Noise, IT, PE, music, social. Her world is plenty challenging enough for her. She doesn't need extras.

My daughter (now in mid twenties) is very bright and had very difficult teenage years. She was very keen to learn but got bored and went the wrong way. She is fine now and doing very well in her career but is has been an interesting journey. Two things that I wished I had known earlier ; she was not used to having to work hard at anything and found that really difficult and gave up. What turned the corner was her finding out what motivated her and then everything followed on.

Good luck - being very bright and very different is challenging particularly when you are a teenager.

Lljkk, I suspect that might have been what thefrendo might have been wondering too as it is obviously not possible. What she actually does is hunch herself up so that the top of her writing arm blocks her ear and her not writing hand blocks her other one. It is quite a contortion!
Anyway I am listening to all suggestions and am not intending to move her. I will pay a bit more attention at parents evenings as to how teachers are managing. Having had my eldest really struggling and having to sit through so many parents eves where they are critical, I think I have just been enjoying all the accolades and only just realising that that degree of brightness can bring its own challenges if not managed properly.

Make sure she's well involved with any decisions.

Extremely bright + misophonia + social anxiety would make me want to consider the possibility of the autistic spectrum. I have ASD and wasn't diagnosed til adulthood. It would have made my passge through school years a lot easier if I had known earlier, in terms of e.g. understanding myself and the respects in which I was different from peers, understanding and accepting and being able to anticipate my strengths and weaknesses, reasonable adjustments in the school environment, coping mechanisms, etc. not to mention some help with the recognised challenges of ASD combined with puberty. Just a thought. I may be wide of the mark.

Well, your dd's problems are her misphonia and social anxiety, not her intelligence or academic performance. I wouldn't create extra problems where none actually exist when she already has significant issues to deal with. Unless your dd complains of boredom or frustration at the work she is given, it should surely be a relief she can excel academically without this adding to her already significant stresses. Don't give her the impression that doing well at school is another thing for you all to worry about!!!

Try to get a bursary or scholarship at your local private school OP

I have a son like this, also in Year 8. He is not stretched. His marks are perfect. He works diligently, but it is not challenged. I tried to push him to an independent school in Year 7 and he refused. It was a solid refusal.

He is so happy in his poxy little comp.

He also suffers anxiety, he seems to be growing out of Tourettes (phew). I think it is lucky in Year 8 and 9 he can concentrate on all the awfulness of puberty and navigating friendships. Tonight he went out with friends and managed to sort the busses when I expected. That is enough challenge for a 13 year old. He is growing into himself.

If he were unhappy I'd intervene, but I have spent many hours worrying about him and to see him happy (if a bit adolescent arsey) is a blessed relief. I'll take the win.

Year 8 is a throw away year, and a bit of Year 9 too if they are bright. GCSE teaching is straight out of the cookbook. I'd encourage her to find hobbies and just let her be. If she wants a move have a look for bursaries. If she is happy let her be. It is a tender age for happiness.

I can totally relate to this.

If she is like my Ds1 then she will have given up the extracurricular as out of her comfort zone and too hard to excel at. I would push very hard to pick something out of her comfort zone she actually enjoys.. A sport, music, anything really.

Pushing the latter has been transformational for DS.

I agree we need to find a Hobie she loves. She sat a foundation German GCSE paper on Tuesday and got 100% so teacher was planning to try her with a harder paper on Thursday but she was chosen for a philosophy day instead at a local uni and has come home very inspired and wanting to study philosophy at uni and then go into law. Has wanted to be a detective until this week and will probably change a few more times but I may look for local debating clubs or similar. Will see what we can inspire her with. Several family members have suggested she may be autistic but similar to my 16 year old who I suspect is ADD but neither want to be labelled, just want to be accepted as they are and as it is not affecting her educationally I have not pushed it. I strongly suspect my DH of having Asperger's so would not be that surprising. Can someone suggest advantages of a diagnosis so I can discuss with her further. I guess they may be some exploration of this now we have hearing test and ENT input re misophonia.

Ds is 14 and is not particularly happy being on the Autism diagnosis pathway. The thing is his difficulties are now having a major impact on his life. We feel that we have no choice but to continue with the assessment.

We felt that Ds would struggle at uni if he wants to go without an official diagnosis. Even his school who were hesitant initially to admit there was a problem are fully on board with the assessment and have said that it is obvious now when you observe him that there are difficulties. Unfortunately Ds's problems are now having an impact on his grades. He is an amazing mathematician and a couple of years ago did get a medal at the junior maths olympiad. His last maths paper was two gcse grades down than the previous one. He is very low and is struggling to understand why he is different to everyone else. Its really upsetting as he has huge potential but is nowhere near achieving it. I have read that a diagnosis is more likely to be useful than not but we are not there yet so I don't know.

I guess for your Dd it is about how well she is coping, when Ds saw the paediatrician she made it clear that if he was coping she probably wouldn't be going down the assessment route, she did say that plenty of people cope with undiagnosed autism. Ds is not coping though so we feel he needs this, if only to help him understand himself better. Like you say it may be something to explore more now that she will be having appointments regarding her hearing issues.

Sorry to be blunt but I think you're focusing on the wrong issue. She is bright, great, finds school easy, great.

What makes her happy? Does she sleep well? Sounds like she has social anxiety finding other people around her irritating/difficult. I'd watch for eating issues too.

Maybe post on the G&T board but I would be stretching her horizontally. Music, drama, chess, sport. A subject not taught at school - mandarin? coding? There really is little to be gained by racing ahead to GCSE standard in yr8 unless you are going to take the GCSE early and choose a different option at yr10.

Look for stress relieving activities - colouring books, yoga (if she doesn't like sport she might like yoga).

My advice for you - just look after her.
I have a bright daughter. Presently taking her GCSE's.
From the beginning of KS4 her predicted grades in every subject have been 9's. I personally feel regardless of her ability, it's constant pressure for her.
The first inkling of high expectations on her was in the run up to SATs - she came home and told me she didn't feel like a person anymore just 'a level 6 potential. I spoke to the school - they did ease off : she did get them their level 6's.
So secondary school, achieved very high CAT scores - luckily or unluckily for her she is naturally able in both the maths side & language / humanities scoring pretty much equally in each test.
Her predicted grades being high - she has felt she can never do well , she can only ever do ‘what’s expected or fail ‘. This has resulted in an obsession with grades , anxiety and fear of failure.
When she took her options every subject wanted her, to the point she felt she let teachers down when she chose what she wanted.
This also happened when she chose her A’ level choices but now she has matured , is her own person knew what she wanted to do , she doesn’t feel she’s let anyone down...
In a big school she’s known as the intelligent girl who hangs around with the boys. She in a group with the ‘nerds’ - she has found that boys are far more accepting of her than the bitching she has received from the girls.
I have had meetings , year 10 was a big one - she was made to resit a paper when she ‘only’ got a level 8..as an example of her stresses.. I pointed out that her mental health was far more important than any grade, it was18 mths until her GCSEs & not fair to have perfect expectations from her. I also said although strong she was also sensitive and easily breakable - signs were not good at home. School have been very good since - pressure is off her, they know the person who’s hardest on her - is her now.
All that said - the anxiety is almost gone, she’s happy and supported by both her friendship group and her school.

Just keep a close eye on how your Dd feels , as well as does . If she’s struggling , speak to the school on her behalf.
Dd’s Teachers needed help to recognise her struggle ( as it wasn’t academic) and she was in a much better place when they could.