Help my Y11 ds has been off from school with serious depression and anxiety and psych and therapist doubt he can sit GCSEs coming up

[SilverSeas]

NCd for this.

DS has always been bright, near top of class etc, through his own effort. Always been motivated, done all his work and more, highly organised etc.

We left an emotionally abusive marriage a couple of years ago and have had a calm life since. But since mocks, he has just collapsed mentally. He can't work, sleeps all day, can't eat and the professionals supporting us feel he is not well enough to take his GCSEs. I am happy to let him take the time he needs, but my question for educationalists that may be out there, or ppl with similar experiences, is: can I find him a GCSE college so he doesn't have to retake y11 with the year that was formerly below him? Everyone knows everyone in our part of the world so other local schools would similarly be full of gossip which is something he greatly struggles with. Is there such a thing as a state GCSE college like the one I remember in London when I was growing up - Hammersmith and West London College? We are Surrey/Berks/Hampshire reaching distance.

Thank you any advice, educational or emotional!! Am desperately worried because he wants to achieve his ambition to be doctor and is in despair because he feels it all running away from him and feels there's no hope.

Thank you!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. My DD went through similar, but the worst was in Y10 and by Y11 she was able to take some GCSEs. Speak to your local colleges to find out what the options are - Future Pathways is an option at our local college for those without GCSEs. Some might offer Functional Skills Maths and English as Summer schools (if it would suit him better to concentrate on one or two subjects and outside of a normal school environment). I wish you and him all the very best of luck. Feel free to ask me anything.

Have you thought about acupuncture to help calm him? My daughter found it helped during her 11 plus. I hope he is OK.

I was in a similar state to your ds some 30 years ago. Exactly that. Sailed through my mocks, then experienced severe depression/breakdown. For me, it was nothing to do with academic pressures but trauma/abuse. I had been depressed for some years, but I think that facing the transition from school was what propelled me into being really unwell.

I didn't take any 'O' levels when I should have. It was a different system then but I nominally attended the sixth form and took them in November and June the next year. I was still very depressed, but able to concentrate enough to study etc.

I then went to a local Technical college to do 'A' levels then university. It was far from plain sailing (two long psychiatric admissions etc) but I achieved three grade 'A' A levels and a First Class degree.

The priority has to be your ds's mental health. Is he seeing a counsellor/therapist/psychologist or is this in the pipeline? GCSE colleges do exist - have a google for your local area. Doing some research to find out what's available that would suit him (it doesn't sound like functional maths and English would for example) might help him be able to focus on his next steps.

All the best to you both. It's a terrifying situation to be in, but it's not the end of the road for your son.

Is he able to concentrate and study at the moment? Is it just school he is struggling with?

I ask as my DS did his GCSEs at home having not been at school since the previous November. He had daily migraines partly stress related and got himself into a mental place where he could not go to school. It was very stressful for us all obviously but as I said he did the exams at home with an invigilator and actually did quite well considering. And considering he hadn’t done much work!

His school were really good.

He is now doing his A levels and we are hoping he will be ok. He is seeing a psychologist privately but I appreciate that is not an option for everyone.

Hi thanks so much for your thoughtful replies. Acupuncture is definitely something I've considered. He is under care of psychiatrist and therapist who work together. Doing the exams at home could be an option - but he's spiralled so much he can barely get out of bed :(

There are colleges that allow this. My local 6th form college offers a wide choice of GCSEs for children in various circumstances eg home educated, come from abroad or serious illness etc.

It’s just a case of seeing if there is anywhere similar near to you.

christina very inspiring to hear your story - thank you.

One good thing is we still laugh together a lot and he spends hours laughing at tv shows and silly YouTube stuff, I feel laughter is like gold for him.

I will google colleges and also speak to the sixth form he has been accepted into (depending on results of GCSEs !) maybe they will have some options. It's quite hard atm to sit down and tackle all this because I work, single mum plus other really heavy stuff going on that would be outing to explain. I feel lost tbh and I have to be strong for him.

comefromaway that's good to hear, thank you. I don't think he'd mind losing a year if he was in a different environment to all the ppl he knows.

Hi OP, I don't really have any advice but I am in almost exactly the same situation with my DD. She is in yr 11 and hasn't attended school since her dad died in Oct last year. She has spiralled into depression and anxiety and she is in no state to sit her exams at the moment. CAMHS are being very supportive and have agreed that school and exams are not possible at the moment. I am hoping she will be able to attend college part time in Sept and take English Maths and science with a view to starting a post 16 course the following year.

It's good to read the positive stories on here though.

We do live in an area where most schools don’t have their own 6th forms so everyone has to move to college but in their w busted they talk about gcse retakes in terms of bright students with particular circumstances not just those who are less academic.

He might not be able to do the full 8 but this is an example of what might be available.

kingston-college.ac.uk/subject/gcses

Have you looked and spoken to the Sixth Form colleges around. (Woking and Farnborough come to mind.) There is finding for 3 years in Sixth Form and lots have to redo the GCSE bit (or do it for the first time having moved from abroad).

Someone shared this with me today after it was recommended by her GP - I will share it with you in case it helps him www.philparker.org/product/part-1-of-the-lightning-process-for-anxiety-stress-panic-attacks-home-study-section-download-now/?fbclid=IwAR3-vEOFrEi_TjIl4dLtDhjEjazrJYKCXykthRznDr2Gdkubv11mZK0RnS0

So sorry he is going through this.

I don't know much about this but have heard people mention online schools like this one interhigh.co.uk/ which can be used for home ed. It might not be any use but its another option that might be worth researching.

Would a private college such as MPW be affordable?

DeadZed so sorry for your loss. Your dd's state of mind is so understandable. I'm sure she'll get there in the end, just as I hope my darling ds will.

Thank you everyone for your very helpful replies. I'm looking into colleges that can offer a one year gcse programme and will speak to his future 6th form college to ask them to guide us. Unfortunately MPW would not be affordable to us so will look for state solutions, but I believe there is a lot of support out there, and have taken heart after reading all your replies.

Thanks again and any further thoughts welcomed!

Can I just add that if he still wants to do medicine this is just a blip. It won't rule medicine out, so don't let him worry about this affecting his future. The path there might be a little longer but the destination doesn't have to change.

Thank you @titchy, that's really encouraging. I told him that last night and he seemed to take it in thoughtfully. It's trying to get them to view these exams with perspective that's part of the issue. The schools have to be so driven and focused on outcomes that the kids inevitably get the message, kind of do or die.

Latest from my lovely ds is that he wants to try and tackle the minimum number of subjects he needs for 6th form so he doesn't have to miss a year. So I'm calling the 6th form tomorrow for advice. Ds has acknowledged this will involve revision- that's been missing since serious depression hit- and there is a spark of motivation I think.

That's great! You need a very supportive sixth form. If he scrapes 5 C grade GCSEs, and the sixth form are understanding and acknowledge the grades were not a reflection on his ability, they can include that in their UCAS reference - get in touch with admissions tutors before hand as well. There's a couple of other post A level routes I can think of if this doesn't pay off too.

There are several "GCSEs in a Year" colleges in London.

If you are within striking distance of Waterloo the first place to look might br DLD at the back of Waterloo station. They have boarding provision, though I dont know whether for GCSE students, or just A level students.

A few years ago now but a relative got a good crop of A*s studying at Ashbourne College despite switching language and education system (though he had to work very hard).

Another option might be boarding.Some schools, from memory Worth Abbey is one, offer GCSEs in a year.

Doing minimal GCSEs isn't necessarily a problem in the circumstances - my DH had fewer GCSEs (6 and not all in 1 sitting) than some of his peers at uni had A-levels. Still got into Cambridge for vet...

Thank you for your messages. It's really kind of you to be so supportive. He is revising again! Of his own accord- there would never have been any positive outcome had I pushed him as he is so in charge of himself. So he is going to try his best and not worry about getting high grades. Haven't heard back from sixth form yet but they have a good reputation for pastoral care. So fingers crossed for him. Thanks again everyone.