Tiffin girls school

[Ninanarnar]

Hello

My DD got offered a place on national offers day and although we went to the open day last year I still haven’t got much of a feel for the school.

I’ve seen some posts about it on here and there are mixed reviews... and the mental health one is worrying.

I prob sound a bit silly but DD sat it as a total punt because she wanted to. At the open day she liked it but didn’t really get a feel for what life at Tiffin might be like.

She did a few practice papers in the half term before the first exam and a few in the summer holidays .. maybe a couple a week.

She also sat the Sutton paper and passed the first stage but not the second, missed it by 2 points on English, so Tiffin was a surprise.

I didn’t really look into it before hand as it seems to do very well on league tables, but we’ve received a welcome pack so I thought I should look into it. That was sent by email but in the post we received a thing requesting DIrect Debit details to contribute to the school. It’s a shame the pack didn’t come in the post too but that’s a minor thing.

DD is also starting to ask me about it and keeps asking if we can go and see it and if we can find out where she came in the results ... but unfortunately we can’t. So can those with experience of the school maybe help with the following please?

• why does it have a hothouse reputation? And what does this mean? And if DD hasn’t been tutored does this mean she might be out of her depth there?
• I have read that there is little homework so why do some people refer to it is being high pressured? In what sense?
• co curricular clubs. The co curricular offering is impressive and varied and DD is keen on quite a few but I read on here that some are run by older girls who aren’t always available, so is that true? How many clubs a week run or are cancelled ?
• how do the school manage allergies? We have a few to deal with so anyone with experience of this side of things? Tiffin won’t talk to me about this yet but hoping they have experience of others girls with this.
• another thing I’ve read is that lessons move at a fair pace. So if a girl doesn’t understand something, are girls encouraged or comfortable with saying so? Or is this a reason I keep seeing tutoring throughout being mentioned?
• how do the school deal with issues that have come up... say bullying? The mental health thread was a worrying read so interested in the pastoral care.
• is the financial contribution normal? If you contribute the minimum is this frowned upon? It says some contribute more so is there an expectation to do so?
• do girls get onto the first bus that comes along.. going towards kingston after school? Or do they have to wait because they get full up quickly? DD tends to wait at the back of queues as she doesn’t like to be in a scrum situation 😬
• where do girls eat packed lunches? In wet weather?

DD is a gentle soul and enjoys learning but can be a bit quirky and random so I’m hoping she will fit in ok and thrive.

For anyone wondering why I haven’t done this sooner, I’ve had a tough couple of years with my own mental health so haven’t spent more time on this and feel very guilty that I’m as clueless as I am. But I am trying to understand more about this now, so I can help DD prepare for life at senior school so any hints and tips would be appreciated but mostly I just want an awareness of these things as I’ve read about them on here and on the eleven plus forum. I haven’t posted there as there seems to be one or two regular posters seem to manage the responses and it feels quite evangelical if that makes sense😬

I’m not really close to anyone at DD current school and most of her friends are going to other schools and I don’t really have anyone in real life I can ask about this so hoping for some help here. I’m a long time lurker but have joined today To ask for your experience.

Thank you

Bump. No experience of the school although I live in the area.
But I just wanted to say, if your daughter passed the exam with almost no tutoring, then she may be a superstar for the rest of it once she is on an even keel with the rest. That was my own experience when I went through it (albeit not this school). Coming from the state sector I barely passed entrance exams, but was at the top once given same resources and opps as the rest. Good luck with your choice, what is the alternative?

OP, yes I agree with @DancingbytheRiver , your dd will be fine with the academic pace if she got in without any tutoring and just a few practice papers. The music dept is exceptional, way beyond the standard of some of the other local state and private schools. I'm not a parent and am sure others will come along to reassure you and answer your questions.

Thank you DancingbytheRiver and Gingercat1223.
You both sound lovely and kind. I thought I would be told I was a terrible mum for some reason so thank you both for bumping and replying.
We have accepted the place and there are no other choices.

Having had mental health issues myself I was feeling a bit scared I guess after reading that other thread and feeling very silly for not having researched more.

I just had no capacity to deal with it all at the time and just want my daughter to be happy in life and to do well but not at the expense of her mental well being.

If this thread resulted in comments that suggest that her slightly quirky ways might not fit then I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t want to change who she is to fit in although I know we all have to... at some stage but I hope she can be happy and herself and is welcomed and included and accepted.

Thank you again for your kindness and fingers crossed that the pace is ok and she can cope ok.

Xx

My daughter is now in year 10 at TGS. She’s happy at the school 😀 If your daughter gained a place without tutoring then she’ll have no problem with the pace and homework (which isn’t that excessive). My daughter hasn’t experienced bullying behaviour and the girls seem genuinely supportive and accepting of one another. Pastoral care appears strong to me.

There are plenty quirky girls at the school. Try not to worry. It is a very good school. Your daughter has done remarkably well to gain her place. She will fit in fine!

Thank you pinkmoomin

It’s good to hear your daughter is enjoying school.

It’s also reassuring that there are other quirky girls there. 🙂 and that you think my DD will mange to handle the pace ok.

Do you have any views on any of my other queries ?

Thank you again

Just had another thought... and also blatantly bumping this 😬

Another question I have is that dd can have good and bad days and we experienced that with the Sutton paper, the second round... so will keep wondering about the girls at Tiffin... do they have to do well all the time to keep up and how do they manage ‘off’ days?

I am a worrier and keep finding questions popping up in my head.

Hello OP
My daughter left Tiffin a few years ago but I think I can answer some of your questions...

I confirm there is very little homework in the lower years; I think this is because they cover the work in class as they move relatively quickly and all the girls are clever.

In my opinion some of the teaching is quite poor, but the girls do well anyway. The girls are not afraid to tell teachers if they haven’t understood something.

I think it has a hothouse reputation because it is an academic school. In my daughters day many were tutored to get in - in those days it was verbal and non verbal reasoning only. As your daughter has got in she should have no worries at all.

The donation is NOT compulsory. They might email occasionally and send begging letters but you do not have to contribute. As far as I know nobody except the admin staff are aware what you contribute, if anything.

My daughter was in an unusually toxic year. Some quirkiness is OK, but it depends whether it is the right sort! but her year was unusually cliquey and unpleasant. Bullying was not well handled but I believe it is better now.

A lot of girls are pushed by their parents and the school piles on the pressure in Sixth form. IMO this contributes to MH.

I imagine everyone has off days so I wouldn’t worry. There is not relentless academic pressure.

Not sure about the bus, but imagine it is a bit of a scrum at first. I am sure she will get used to it.

Thank you Art.

I remember your post from the mental health thread and am so sorry that your dd had such a tough time. I hope she is doing well and is happy and healthy.
Thank you for answering my questions.

I spoke to someone recently who has more recent experience at the school and her dd has also been in a tricky year and has had bullying which she said hadn’t been dealt with very well so it seems that it might still be a problem.
I am surprised that there haven’t been more replies as there seem to be many chats about Tiffin and how keen people are to get in but I am very grateful to everyone who has replied.
Re buses, I wonder if l the fact that there is another senior school next door, means longer wait times for the bus back into kingston or did the planning for that include extra buses at the end of the school day?
Having a dd who is a bit quirky and who doesn’t have that much self confidence is a worry and I’m feeling really cross at myself do not having done more due diligence beforehand.

Thanks again and really hope your DD is doing well and is happy. Xx

People won’t want to admit that there are issues at the holy grail so there will be a culture of silence.

Btw, what makes a year group toxic? Is it the pressure to do well? Where does that come from?

I don’t understand it so am genuinely curious. The girls are all in the same boat so why does it happen?
Thank you again .

I was wondering the same Mintandthyme. There are so many people on the other forum so excited about the school but the same few people answer questions about things like pressure or similar. I do find it curious which is why I posted my question here instead of there.
Thank you for replying

I think parents are unwilling to admit they may have made a mistake and misjudged a situation
They are delighted to have got a place in a ‘top’ grammar school and don’t have to pay for an ‘Indie’ but they can’t see what is in front of their noses ..

I feel like maybe I am one of those although I genuinely didn’t know too much about the school In advance of the offer.
Sigh.
The more I hear about the types of issues that some experience the more it concerns me that they are not handled well. No school is perfect but the measure has to be how they deal with issues and We have additional needs that I still haven’t had the chance to speak with the school about. They said I would have to accept before they would speak with me but i still can’t and am wondering when they will let me have that conversation.
Thanks again

I couple of my observations:

Yes, there is a scrum for the buses after school - my daughter often walks to Kingston Station rather than queue.

The canteen is over crowded and the food isn’t great. Girls can eat their packed lunch in their form room.

The pressure can come from home rather from the teachers/school itself. Many girls have tutors to ensure they reach those top grades.

You will hear negative hearsay from parents whose child doesn’t actually go to the school.

The leave rate is extremely low. I think only one girl has left (to move abroad) in my daughter’s year group over the past 3.5 years. I think you could expect to see more movement if parents were unhappy with the school, or their daughter’s weren’t coping there.

No school is perfect

^This.
Your daughter has done well in the fairly stiff entrance exams. Stop fretting, accept the place and have the discussion.

Ninanarnar
All schools have bullying. In general the behaviour at Tiffin is a lot better than other schools. I think my DD would have been bullied wherever she went and that was a reason I sent her on a long commute to Tiffin as I thought the behaviour was good and on the whole it is.
She was was bullied by a teacher in Sixth Form and the leadership took it seriously and took steps to deal with it.
In hindsight I would have done more to bully proof my daughter.
Tiffin is academically a good school with great music and opportunities, you would be mad to turn it down.

In answer to your question about toxicity I think it was the mix of personalities in a particular form that my daughter was in. It was nothing to do with the ethos of the school or academic pressure. They did mix up the groups more later on, not sure if that was coincidence or not.

I don’t mean to take over this thread but just a couple of comments. My younger daughter went to a comp with more academic pressure and a heavier workload. There was mental illness and self harm there as well. A friend cut herself and attempted suicide by trying to jump from a height at school. Another friend at a private school in west London hanged herself on results day.

You cannot gain an impression of a school from a few comments on a thread. As far as schools go, there are far worse and no school is perfect.

You should accept the place and speak to the school about additional needs. I would also be mindful about not turning into ‘that parent’.

Tiffin girls Y10 parent here. I think there just aren't a lot of us here on this board. And I've stopped commenting on the 11plus forum because I would get lots of emails asking for advice, which I gave, but rarely got any replies!

DD is happy at the school. Homework has been very light, no end of year exams in Y7. Her group of friends are extremely supportive of each other and regularly share revision notes. They don't talk about results and are not encouraged to. DD wasn't and isn't tutored and is keeping up fine, but I don't know if others are - she doesn't talk about that much with her friends. I don't know why people say it's high pressured ... certainly DD and I don't feel any pressure from the school.

I've answered your Qs below but generally, I wouldn't worry so much. Schools are schools, there are bound to be issues in any of them, depending on the particular class, teachers etc. It's a big enough school that my very quirky DD has managed to find a group of good friends.

Clubs - DD doesn't many of them so can't comment. DD says only Y7 and Y8 girls do clubs with any enthusiasm - she prefers to "hang out" - I call it teenage apathy

Allergies - DD has allergies. School knows, keeps medicine, they have our consent to medicate, but we've never had to use them.

Lessons - DD has no issues. Some of her friends get extra help from teachers/6th formers

Pastoral care - we had an issue once with a lazy teacher but generally form teachers have been really nice and caring. I know the school counsellor has a waiting list but that's very common

Financial contribution - no idea how normal. No one will know

Bus - I think early in the year/term, teachers come to the bus stops and manage the queues which is extraordinarily nice of them. The busses do fill up quickly and girls do wait around. Not surprising given the number of schools on that route.

AGree with the comment that lunch isn't great and the lunch hall is overcrowded.

Thank you for all your replies.

Fret is a good word and something I am guilty of but also extremely good at.

Pinkmoomin... that’s interesting about the leave rate being so low... and a good positive sign I hope as I see plenty of threads on here about people moving children from schools where they are unhappy.

Tavannach, thank you and yes no where is perfect. Just need to wait to have the conversation with the school. Just feels like time is flying by and I still haven’t so find myself pondering stuff. All the time.

Art, interesting that you said your dd might have had problems wherever. When you said about helping her deal with toxicity, I guess that’s what I’m after. How to prepare dd for senior school life. She is sensitive and quirky and has up and down days. I can deal with most things and help her but the toxic side of things would be good to know how to build up her resilience so that if it happens that she’s ok.

And thank you again for replying and it doesn’t feel like you’ve derailed the thread at all

Lastly but by no means leastly thank you queenstheif. Good to meet another allergy parent.
Really appreciate your honest feedback too.

I am so used to having to have conversations about allergy management I think maybe my worries are stemming from that.
The admissions staff at the school have been either dismissive when I’ve asked them or very helpful depending on who it was.
I know they are busy but all the news stories about allergies mean I’m on higher alert than usual and find it strange not being able to start having the discussion with them.

The staff at the bus stop sounds like a super idea. It can be a busy stretch of road so sounds very sensible.

Thanks again for replying to all my questions.

I feel better prepared to help my dd get ready for the big step up to senior school. And I will try and stop worrying about it so much. Sounds like it’s a great school and fingers crossed we get a good kind year group.
Thank you ALL again. And thank you also for being kind. xx

One last question (face palm)
Do they mix forms up each year or do the girls go through the school in the same form? I know classes get mixed up for GCSEs further up the school but assumed forms stay the same. Is that right.
Thanks again xx

Dds form class has stayed same since y7. Subject classes change all the time, some due to streaming some for other reasons which aren’t really clear to me.

@queensthief I know what you mean about the 11 plus forum. People come on pleading for info as if their life depended on it, get the answers they need and then radio silence...A thank you wouldn’t go amiss .

Thank you again queensthief.

And whataboutbob... me three.

Another TGS parent here with wholly positive experiences. Dd 'found her people' when she started in Y7. It's a much gentler environment academically and socially than I expected, and I have other dc in 'top' London indies so have something to compare it to. Very nurturing in Y7 with lots of effort made by the school to help the girls settle. Any hothouse pressure must be coming from home as our dd certainly hasn't experienced it. Yes there's a scrum at lunchtime and on the buses but the girls quickly get used to it and it's the same at lots of schools. We pay £50 a month but there is no obligation to do so and nobody wd know either way. No complaints here. I'm puzzled by the online negativity around pastoral care at the school - it's not our experience at all so far.