Teacher discussing my child out of school.

[hellocherry]

I’m not quite sure what to do about this situation. My daughter is currently at secondary school, doing her first year of GCSEs. Shes got a newish form teacher, who happens to be my sil’s (my husbands brothers wife) sister. I’ve met her a couple of times and she seems nice so no problem there. Except on two occasions now my sil has mentioned things that her sister has told her about my daughter at school. She’s not a bad kid, so she’s not doing anything awful. Just things like having to be moved as she was talking too much to a friend. The first time she said this to my husband, the second time to me. I am wrong for feeling that it’s rather unprofessional for the teacher to be saying this? We don’t see sil that often, so when she mentions these things her sister has told her it’s always in front of other family members, and I’m finding it quite upsetting and very annoying that my daughters school life is being discussed whether she wants it to be or not. What should I do about this? Is it over the top to talk to the school about it?

Not over the top at all. It's a gross breach of trust and as a teacher she knows this.

Completely unprofessional. I would go and talk to her- and say that if it happens again you will go to the Head.

Or go to the Head, If you would rather keep it at one remove.

I really appreciate your replies. I do think I’d rather mention it to the head, or at least another teacher there rather than my daughters form teacher. I absolutely don’t want to make any kind of complaint though, I just want the discussing of my daughter out of school to stop. I was concerned that it would have to be some kind of formal complaint, do you know if that is or isn’t the case?

I don't know the answer to that, I'm sorry.

They are clearly not thinking through what they should and should not be saying. It might be just a reaction to the need to say something in the company of the rest of your family. However if she is doing this in other situations about other pupils then her career in education may come to a shuddering halt.
It would be preferable to have the conversation with SIL sister and just warn her off from saying anything else about daughter as being embarrassing and also unprofessional. Hopefully she will reflect that she has not been very clever about this but if the disclosures continue then you will need to go to the school, which is not going to do much for family relations!

I haven’t actually seen sil sister (daughters teacher) in many years so although I’d rather have had a quite word myself it is unfortunately unlikely I’d get a chance unless arranging it via the school. Sil is rather an over sharer so I don’t doubt that if anything else is mentioned she’d let me know! Maybe I should just wait and see if anything else is said, and then say to sil that it is rather unprofessional and hopefully she’ll pass the message along. Like I said I’m not concerned anything bad will be said about my daughter, I just don’t want her teacher discussing her school life with her family members. Thanks for the advice.

Many years ago I taught at the same school that my nephew attended. We agreed early on that home was home and school was school, and never the twain should meet.

This is unprofessional behaviour and not fair on your daughter.

If you told the Head or another staff member i think she would view it as a complaint about her. If you wanted to avoid that for the sake of family harmony you'd be better off speaking to the FT or your SIL. If your SIL does it again you could say "She shouldn't really be gossiping about dd." Or you could email the FT and say "Your sister keeps announcing stuff dd has got up to in school at family occasions, would you mind if we kept this confidential?"

Could you contact the school and ask your DD's form teacher to call you, and then say to her directly "please don't gossip about my DD out of school, it's very unprofessional and reflects badly on you when your sister repeats gossip to other people".

Agree with @Smoggle's approach.

Most secondary schools have a contact procedure for parents to follow & contacting the head would be one of the final stages. It would undoubtedly be seen as a complaint about SIL's sister. It would be far better to contact her via the school, to maintain the professional boundary, as Smoggle suggests.

We have a place in the school planner to tick for a call home which would be by the child's form teacher. I would speak to her directly and would call it gossip. It is totally unprofessional for her to tell her sister about your child and just as gossipy that your SIL repeats it back to you.

I volunteer in the primary school my own children attended and have worked in classes where my friend's children are.

I have told the children that this is school, anything that happens in this classroom stays in this classroom. If they get put on a step for misbehaviour I would not be telling their parent or anyone. If the teacher thinks their parent needs to be informed so be it but it is not my place.

I wouldn't want someone doing this about my child so I afford them the same courtesy.

There’s so much great advice so thanks everyone. No I don’t want to cause any issues in the family so I can see that it’s best if I speak to her form teacher directly. The school did used to publish all the teachers Email addresses on their website so parents could easily contact them but strangely it’s been taken down. Although I’m sure it won’t be a problem to get it from the office. Hopefully it’ll be nipped in the bud quickly!

Hope you managed to sort it out