Am I being too hard on dd (year 10)?

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Dd is in year ten and very bright, she is predicted level 8’s and 3 level 9’s in GCSE, she wants to do A levels in business and computing as well as English literature and then go to a good uni.

Over the last year she has lost interest in maths, says they are giving her work she can’t do and is getting in a right flap, her target for maths is a 8 and she’s struggling with some of the tests she has been given, yesterday she messed up on a test and now has to go to “catch up sessions”, she’s not happy but I feel she needs to go and needs to do extra maths to hit her target, she got a bit shirty with me and said it was impossible to get a level 8 and she can’t be bothered to do extra lessons at lunch time, says she doesn’t need maths as she doesn’t want to take it as a A level. I explained that her maths resault could help her secure a good uni and she should try harder.

I’m I being too hard on her? I’m not generally a pushy parent, I am very proud of dd and what she achieves at school, I was rubbish at school and only just last my GCSES so I guess I am just trying to make sure dd doesn’t mess up like I did. I don’t want to upset her by being strict about revision and home work, I just want her to achieve her best.

Dd has Aspergers and some mobility issues, I just want her to reach her goals and do well in life.

I’m a teacher. Students these days are under a ridiculous amount of pressure. I see them in tears all the time.

My A level class tell me that to get good grades they basically don’t have a life and spend all their time working.

I think it’s appalling how much pressure they are under. All this stuff about safeguarding, but no one safeguards their mental health.

I would ease off the pressure on her tbh.

The work load is huge. Dd often complains that some of her friends get to hang out in town and go out more than her as they are in lower sets and get less homework. She seems to have homework every night, maths homework is most days. She’s pretty tired by the weekend. I have to keep reminding her that it will be worth it but I do feel for her.

If she is thinking about going into computing and wants to do anything to do with coding then a good maths GCSE will be a big help. It’s a competitive field.

I would possibly step back this year and not push, then see where she is by October of year 11. If she isn’t hitting a 7/8 by then up the pressure a little. All you will achieve at the minute is turning her off maths and she still has over a year to go yet. Would she consider a maths tutor at home to try and boost her confidence or go through exam style questions with her?

If this is the first time she has found something difficult it could well be that she thinks it is easier to not try. Working hard at something difficult is a skill like anything else.
Lunchtime sessions can feel like a punishment rather than support, their day is very busy and this is precious down time.
Computing is very maths based, a lot of courses so for A-level maths to reflect this. If she is interested in perusing that angle she should speak to her computing teacher and look up some uni brochures.
Maths is definetly not something is you can either do or not do! This drives maths teachers to distraction, it is a skill which everyone can improve in and is not an either or.
Final point, 7 is an old school A. This is still a great mark and will not affect any future options.

She doesn’t want a tutor (I did suggest it). I will back off and see how things go, I do think part of the issue is the teacher but it’s looking like this teacher will be teaching her next year too. She’s always been good at maths but English is her stronger subject. Since she started her options computing seems to have taken over everything, she gets on really well with the teacher and she’s top of the year hitting level 9 so it’s boosted her confidence, hopefully her teacher can help her see how important maths is in computing and coding.

I think it’s also not helping that her younger sister is possibly sitting GCSE maths at the same time as her (2 years early) but dd1 doesn’t understand that dd2 will only be sitting the lower paper, dd2 has autism and is at a special needs school and this will be the only gcse she sits.

If she doesn't understand that you have bigger worries than a 7 in maths

Faz it’s more that she doesn’t listen when I tell her rather than she doesn’t understand.

So wish they hadn’t buggered about with the marking scheme. Some people already seem to be forgetting that 7 is equivalent to the old A pass. Because there are now 8/9s, of course people fixate on those and expect their students to achieve those grades. They’re the equivalent of the old A*, which very few extremely gifted students ever actually achieved. The new system has unnecessarily confused and skewed perceptions.

Our son is predicted 7 maths, which was reflected in his mock. His teacher still insists he’s capable of more but I’ve no intention of pushing him. He’s a fairly rare thing, a happy teen, no angst, hard working but reasonably relaxed about it all and I’d like it to stay that way. With 10+ exams to work for, I think individual subject teachers sometimes forget just how much information their students are
having to absorb across all the range and the sheer hours of work involved.

Just because a youngster shows natural talent in a particular subject doesn’t mean they enjoy or want to pursue it either. Our experience is that they usually come into their own and really develop their subject passions when they move on to A levels, so at IGCSE stage, passes that secure their chosen sixth form place are good enough for us. They’ll find their own way, what’s best for them, when they begin to specialise.
We’ve known a couple of youngsters who’ve crumpled under the weight of everyone else’s unrealistic expectations. Very sad and difficult to come back from.

I think there’s a big difference between primary maths and GCSE maths so targets based on SATs are meaningless.

Both our children were very good at Maths at primary, apparently better than English. Now in year 10, dd is struggling a bit with maths and I’d be very happy with a 7. Her strengths are the humanities - History, English, RS etc and she’s likely to get 9s in them. In the last couple of years her interests have developed in these areas - unsurprising really as both parents are History graduates.

Ds is heading the same way, loves History and doing well at it, even though he hated any sort of extended writing in primary. He’s also finding maths hard too.

I think we typecast kids too young. I’ve really enjoyed seeing dd’s interests develop over the last year or two.

She got level 6 in SATs which is why her targets are set so high but I agree, primary maths is very different than GCSE level.

She has spent hours researching uni courses

Wow. DD is half way thru yr12 & hasn't done any research, made any decision other than 1) Medicine & 2) a vague "I want to be in London!" Yours is miles ahead of mine was at that age. DD's UCAS application is due in 7 months...

DS is in yr10 & we're just hoping he'll make it into college. Clever, yet not a reliable worker. Ultimately, has to find his own motivation.

Computing & English literature is odd combo. Most Uni computing courses would want math A-level. But doesn't have to be A* in that A-level, some would accept B or even C.

In no way is your DD under-working or under-achieving. Chill.

Dd also got level 6 at SATS. And a gold award at junior maths challenge! I don’t think it bears much correlation to GCSE.

They have to learn to pace themselves and also set their own priorities. She sounds very motivated and hard working to me.

Computing and English don’t really go together but there’s plenty of time to decide on uni courses. Does she have any idea about careers she might like?

I really think you should let her decide whether to take up extra help to me. She sounds like she knows her own mind.

My DS has no GCSE's above an E. He has some level 1 and 2 BTEC from college but the constant pressure to resit (and for him refail) maths and English has led to him dropping out altogether. He's now doing voluntary work to build some skills before hopefully starting a supported apprenticeship for NEETs with SEN. It's totally counterproductive to put too much pressure on. I know this scenario is different but still. A 7 is in itself a very good grade. Maybe encourage her to take the extra support but not push too much?

If she is considering doing computing at a top uni she will need A-level Maths, so it wouldn't make sense to shut the door on it just yet. However, if she is getting a 7, then A-level shouldn't be out of reach.

I agree though, she should take the help she is being offered. Could you compromise and say she has to go to the first session offered before making a decision?

Crazy up until a year ago she wanted to be a English teacher but since taking computing as a option she has decided she wants to work in computer programming and coding, English has always been her thing and up until this year computing has been more a hobby, in year 7 she showed no interest in computing or engineering despite school trying to push her in that direction by offering her a place in the engineering club. Her targets in English, history and ICT are level 9’s, science, German, science and maths are level 7 and 8’s. Ideally she needs to do well in maths and science if she wants to go down the engineering route, maths will be important if she wants to do computer programming. I am very proud that she should get A’s and B’s in most subjects, I’m just worried that she will lose interest in maths and her levels will drop.

I’ve had a little look at computer science degrees recently as ds enjoys it but hates maths. I got the impression you could do a BTEC and get into most degree courses but some wanted Maths A Level too. With only A Levels, it seemed like you’d be disadvantaged without Maths A Level too.

With History and English as her other too best subjects your dd sounds like my two - more of a humanities type. I would just see how it pans out - if she genuinely doesn’t like Maths and doesn’t feel motivated to push for an 8, maybe the humanities route is for her. Me, my four siblings and my husband all did variations on a history degree and we all have decent jobs so I wouldn’t worry !

She is in Yr 10.

OP, please stop obsessing over her relative grades over the years.

Support her to enjoy all her studies, but without pressure.