Financial Rewards

[BackInTime]

DD(14) says lots of her friends are rewarded financially or with new clothes for good test results, reports and parents evenings. She feels that she should be similarly rewarded for everything she does. I think we are already pretty generous with her allowance, pay for her phone and often give extra money and pay for treats if she is doing things in half terms and holidays as a reward for working hard that term.

I can see how financial rewards work as an incentive for some and I have no issue with rewarding DD financially for working hard and doing well for mocks or GCSEs. My issue is that she feels that she should be financially rewarded for everything and makes us feel bad about it as apparently our praise and saying well done for a good report means nothing

Interested to know in how others approach this? Do you reward financially for test results and parents evenings?

TIA

Tell her that of she doesn't do well all those payments you mention above get taken away.

Seriously she is trying it on. Remember Sue's mum lets her stay up til midnight, Jo's mum lets her watch 18 films etc.

Allowance, phone treats etc. are the financial rewards for working hard.

@OkBobble@RedSky
This is what I have reminded her about. The allowance and all she already has are linked to her performance and behaviour. These are not a right but a privilege and are subject to her working hard and helping out at home. I am not sure when good behaviour at school that you would expect as a minimum on a half term report became cause for a £50 celebration present.

Our 13 year old was one of very few in his year that didn't get financial rewards for getting into his first choice school.

I refuse to connect academic success to bribes. He shouldn't work hard in order to get a new PlayStation or a load of cash. He should work hard because that's what he has to do at this age.

A real danger with bribes are also that at some point the children might just say "to hell with it" and decide they they don't want the cash so they'll just not work hard. If they haven't learnt that they are in school for their own benefit, then it'll be easier for them to decide not to put any effort in.

I think our main responsibility as parents is to help them what to achieve from within, not based on any external rewards.

We talk a lot about this with our kids, and they are fully aware that it's an active choice on our part.

I have never bribed my kids, I don’t see it as instilling good discipline, self discipline, or as enabling or empowering them

Come to think of it I have never imposed punishment either.

I have made my pride, my admiration (for effort as well as achievement) clear as well as my displeasure, with reasons.

Beyond that consequences are generally natural.

I have hard working, polite, friendly, helpful, kind kids.

(But I do realise, gratefully, that nature rather than nurture is mostly responsible. They were terrible eaters at pre-school age )

Glad that I am not the only one that feels that bribes and rewards for just doing what they should be doing is not the best lesson in life. I was being made to feel that I was being very harsh by DD when compared to the gifts her peers had been given for mid term reports. My 'well done keep up the good work' chat just feels inferior to shopping trips and cash gifts.

When I was 10 I used to tell my mum that my friend had 50p from her mum. My mum would then give me 50p, we would go to my friends house and she would then actually get 50p because I had 50p!

Never mind what she tells you her friends are getting. Give her what you want. I have never rewarded test results. I have always encouraged natural motivation.