Made a stupid mistake

[Adizzy]

I made a stupid mistake and put a school I didnt on want on my preferred choices.

I’m such an idiot. I’ve been upset all night over it.
I tried calling admissions to remove it after I spotted but it was after the deadline and the lady said it would be treated as a late application.
I thought it would be better to let it go through and hopefully I would get in my other choices.
We didn’t get our other choices.
Now we have been offered the school I put down as a mistake. It’s a school that’s not got a good reputation and even his teacher told me not to apply for that school. He is the only one in his clas going to the school.

I feel gutted and I’ve let my son down. He’s upset.
How can I have made such a stupid mistake? I just feel I’ve made such a mess.
I’m going to have to go through the waiting list process. I can’t appeal as I put it as my preferred choice.
I’m just so upset and beating myself up about it and feel ashamed to even admit to anyone what I did. I wasn’t paying attention and paid the price for it.

SnuggyBuggy

No there were no other options for 4 or 5 they would of been too far away.

Shatteredandstressed ( your username exactly how I feel), LarkDescending and Maltildatoldsuchdreadfullies

Thankyou for explanation I do think I naively put this in the options. But im slightly relieved I haven’t totally made a hash of things..

Thankyou for your advice and I will be appealing for both schools then if this is the case. I need to have good reasons why I want my child in these schools.

The school we have been offered is a community school has a good ofsted report but a poor reputation, has an intake of naughty kids. It’s admission criteria is Looked after children (in Public Care).
Kids who have problems etc. So the school has an issue with behaviour and attendance.
My son is extremely bright and I think him going to a school like this will disrupt his learning greatly.
I’m going to have to accept a place as advised and put a case together for the other schools applied for.
Get on waiting lists too and can I get on any others?
I’ve tried to remain positive for my son and will arrange to go and see the school offered and talk to the headteacher. He’s feeling a little better.

Needthisthread. Yes DC did. I made a stupid mistake that MAY have impacted on the decision made. I do feel bad and it’s not making me feel any better making comments like this. I can only move forward and try to do what I can. Thankyou for your input.

The admission criteria for the vast majority of schools prioritises looked after children, adopted children etc so that does not mean they have a high intake of 'naughty kids' at all

"Too far away" meaning how far? Secondary aged are expected to be able to travel a distance or use public transport, or may be offered school transport. All schools have what you deem "naughty" pupils, a good Ofsted would suggest behavioural issues are managed. I suggest you tone this down in any appeal.

It’s admission criteria is Looked after children (in Public Care)
I thought this was policy for all secondary schools.

Putting this school down did not affect your chances of getting your first or second choice. If you had only named two schools you would have been offered another school which you might have liked even less than this one. I haven't read the whole thread but I can see you've been advised to make sure you are on the waiting list for your first and second choices and appeal for them. That is good advice. You won't lose anything by appealing and you might get a place. You will get plenty of help on Mumsnet in preparing your appeal. Just remember that you are appealing for the school you want, not against the school you've been offered. The fact you named this school by mistake is not relevant to your appeal.

do feel bad and it’s not making me feel any better making comments like this.

Like I said, I didn't intend to make you feel anything, never mind bad. Just to clarify though, it was you yourself that made the comment. I simply agreed with you. Please don't make out as if I came on and had a go at you out of the blue. I just agreed with what you said. Again, I didn't intend it to provoke any sort of feeling.

X Post with Todaythiscouldbe

No, OP. You did exactly the right thing. You wouldn't have increased your chances of getting schools 1&2 by leaving off school 3. Not at all. If he didn't qualify for the first 2, he didn't and you might potentially have got a worse school further away. Your brother is categorically wrong.

I think you so misunderstand an aspect of the allocated school, though. ALL schools have looked after children as their first category and that will be a few children in total at every school. The children in this category will be a range of ability and behaviour profile, too, so it won't be full of difficult children (or, at least, not because of the admissions priority).

needthisthread - you win 'disingenuous poster of the day' award; well done! OP, you've had some good advice here. Leaving the space blank could have been worse. Are you sure the school you've been allocated is as bad as you think? Did you visit it?

Regardless of whether you listed it or not you clearly didn't qualify for the first 2

So you either would have ended up there anyway or been sent potentially miles away to a school that could be even worse.

Go on the waiting list. Do an appeal of you wish. But you didn't make a mistake here really. It's always best to put a banker school even if you dont want it just so you can at least try and have a not of co trolls over where they go and ensure they can get there

They SAY it doesn’t make any difference, that your application is considered ‘in order’ so irrespective of what or nothing you put third, he wouldn’t have got the first two anyway. However, given all the other kids got into the other two I’m very 🙄🤨 about the truth of that tbh. But god knows really.

Good luck for getting a place at one of the other two.

Adizzy, my children go to a high achieving, outstanding school and there are plenty of naughty children there - being successful at secondary school means focusing on your own work and learning to live alongside others from all walks of life. Plus, Looked After Children are top of the admissions list at every school, they deserve every advantage in life, and it is rather a generalisation to assume they are all delinquents. It is not specific to the school you have been offered by any means.

I agree with the others, in fact if your offered school is ‘good’ then in fact you were wise to include it as only putting down two choices would not have changed the outcome for those schools, instead you would’ve been allocated one with spaces which was worse, further away.

You need to appeal for the school you want, rather than against the school you don’t want, but you need to have reasons which are very specific as to why schools 1 or 2 are suitable - appeals are very hard to win. Hopefully you are high up the waiting list and a place will come up before you need to appeal.

You didn't make a stupid mistake, you did the right thing by putting down your first choices, and keeping a safety option.

We live in an area where every year a number of people do exactly what your brother suggested and only put down their top one or two, and then are shocked when their child gets into a terrible school some distance away. The preferences are looked at in order, even if you'd just put number one you unfortunately wouldn't have got it.

Tell your brother he's wrong and unhelpful and hope you can find the best of school #3 or otherwise good luck with an appeal.

Todaythisiscuddle and everyone else proves how naive i am to this and should of come here before applying!
LizS I will have to start looking further now but not too far. I wanted close schools to home convenient for me as I work and easy for my son to navigate home.

We have not visited school, everyone from DC school telling me it’s not a good school and even his teacher told me in a parents evening to avoid applying for school.

We are going to visit it. My son had looked at it online and felt a little better about it.
I totally dismissed it. It’s a small school and has classes of 16. I’m trying to find positives about it in the meantime. But still will appeal and put my preferences for my first and second choice school.

No, OP. You did exactly the right thing. You wouldn't have increased your chances of getting schools 1&2 by leaving off school 3. Not at all. If he didn't qualify for the first 2, he didn't and you might potentially have got a worse school further away.
Agree with this. You may well get into your higher preferences on the waiting list. Good luck!

In regards to children in care I have misjudged what it meant - apologies.

Today is right, most schools prioritise looked after children in the admissions process. Contrary to what you seem to think, OP, they are not necessarily "naughty" and may be "extremely bright", just like your son.

You can appeal the decision about the other two schools, but it doesn't really matter why you want your ds to go there if the schools are oversubscribed. The appeal will consider whether the admissions criteria were applied correctly, rather than considering all of the reasons why you might want your ds to go to a school with a better reputation than the one where he is holding a place, so bear that in mind when you're putting your case together. The harsh reality is that all parents would like their kids to go to the schools with the better reputations, and sadly there just aren't enough places for everyone.

The fact that your ds is intelligent is irrelevant, I'm afraid. He is no more deserving of a "better" school than any other child. Arguably, he probably has more chance of doing well anywhere!

I know I probably sound harsh, but I am not unsympathetic. My dd didn't get into our first choice of school initially, and I remember how devastated we were at the time, but sometimes that's just the way it goes. Luckily for us, dd subsequently got in from the waiting list. Perhaps it's worth asking where you are on that list? There is often a bit more movement than you might expect as some dc relocate, some choose other schools, some go private etc.

Good luck!

IncrediblySad school allocations are made following admissions criteria. There is no deep hidden plot going on. If other DC did get into OPs preferred school it would be because they lived closer or had siblings there or came higher up the admissions ranking for another reason. In fact if OP's DC should have got a place ahead of someone that actually did ie a mistake was made, that gives her extremely strong grounds for appeal. Nothing in the OP to suggest this is the case though.

There's an awful lot to be said for going to your nearest school, as long as it is reasonable.

We had to choose between a much lauded faith school a long commute away and our local comp with historically a dodgy reputation. Our son is really really bright (dropped just 2 points in Y6 sats) so we wanted to give him every opportunity to fulfil his potential.

We went to both open evenings, talked to staff and Heads. Actually we only talked to the Head at comp, the faith school Head obviously felt he was too important to be bothered with us when he has people clamouring to get in. We got a very sharp elbowed vibe.

So after much angst we have decided to send DS locally and he is thriving. Classes are streamed so he has the majority of lessons with his high achieving form and he has made lots of other friends in other forms through sports. And socially it's great because he has loads of local mates to pend time with and spends much less time on a screen.

Its a very small school, and staff are mostly young and very keen and treat all the kids like individuals and with kindness.

Just don't write the other school off.

AlexaShutup. No. Thankyou for your honesty. Not taken offence. I’ve been through an appeal before believe it or not for DC primary school. Didn’t win it but the primary school he got into was failing but luckily we got in just after a new headteacher was appointed and she turned the school around.

One of the primary schools we applied for is attached to the secondary school (which I applied for and was DC first choice )and both schools we were never accepted for.
So I’m now thinking we had no chance really as I also rang the admissions and asked them to measure the distance from school and they said we were just a tiny bit out of the catchment area.

Anyway I’m hoping if worse comes to worst
I’m hoping awful school will be an improving school like DC’s primary school. It’s got a reputation following it for some reason and I need to honestly find out why before panicking.

You didn't make a mistake as everyone says- you put the schools in the right order and unfortunately your first two didn't have spaces for your criteria. The third did- you got in there. Better there than nowhere!

The advice you have been given is correct- go on the waiting lists for your two preferred schools.

In the meantime, find out what's going on with this school you've been allocated. One of mine goes to a local community school which had a bad rep for years but has had an excellent Ofsted and has improved a lot in the past 5 years. Also, the classes are heavily streamed, so the bright kids are appropriately taught. I'm much happier with it than I thought I would be. They also have very good pastoral care and bullying is stamped on. Try to see beyond the rep to what's actually going on right now with that school- I can't say if will be any good, but it may not be as bad as you fear.

You haven't made any mistakes, there aren't enough places in the desirable schools and this means you don't get allocated first/second choices often.

Springisallaround.

That's good to hear. Thankyou

You may even have dodged a bullet!
I applied for non catchment secondary for ds which is same distance as catchment.
Catchment had bad rep and non catchment sold me and others raved about it. Next nearest also has amazing rep and outstanding ofsted.

The school was awful. Damaged my ds beyond what I thought was repair. Other "outstanding" school has also done same to some kids. Pastoral care in both is dire. The catchment secondary has ploughed forward, for better progress 8 this year (1 ds went to gets worse year on year).

Although ds now goes to out of catchment (EHCP) if catchment was as it is now I'd be happy to send him there.

Reputations are often built around hearsay. And those with strongest and loudest voices are often the ones who's kids could have slotted in anywhere.

I wish I had done more research and not listened to the sales pitch from the school that drove him to attempt suicide

Alexa secondary school appeals don't just focus on application of the admissions criteria. An appeal can be successful if it demonstrates the prejudice to the child it having a place there is greater than the prejudice to the school admitting the child. So a child who speaks Mandarin could be successful in appealing to a school which provides Mandarin GCSE when their allocated school doesn't. An appeal may not be the route for the OP but it doesn't just focus on processes.