Anyone in Bristol area with knowledge of private schools and Neuro diversity?

[YequeTuZainti]

Copying this to SEN board too.

I'm diagnosed autistic. DS 9yo, year 5, no diagnosis but some behavioural issues. Currently waiting to be assessed for possible ADHD, ASD, anxiety disorder or PDA but he's not an "obviously ticks all the boxes" case for any of these. He is very bright, especially loves maths and is doing reasonably well in a mainstream local state primary school. His issues are mainly exhibited at home and outside school hours (I understand this isn't unusual, with many kids finding they can hold it together for 6 hours a day in primary school at least).

We think that he will thrive best at secondary school with the smaller class sizes of private school and fortunately we can just about manage the fees for this (we live in a tiny house in a grotty area, could afford to trade up but are keeping back the spare income that could go into a better house as education seems more important)

The school that most appeals is Bristol Grammar School. I was hoping to find a mumsnetter with experience of BGS and neurodiversity. I honestly don't know how things will develop over the duration of senior school and it might be that whatever his issues, he manages to thrive and be a credit to the school as he certainly has potential to. Equally it's possible that the issues could get worse as academic challenges increase and obviously we will need a school that helps and encourages rather than criticises and censures.

The other option we could consider is Sidcot School which I am more confident would have a good attitude to Neurodiversity. However, aside from the massive commute, I also have a suspicion that he would get away with more demand-avoidance there, which won't be in his best interests as he certainly has the potential to get some excellent academic results with the right support.

If we go for BGS I will need to do some careful preparation with him to get him ready for the entrance exams. I don't doubt he could do well enough to get a place, except that he might freeze and refuse to pick up the pen at all of he gets overwhelmed. I don't know how to approach this at all. The school doesn't release past papers because they want to discourage tutoring to the test, which I generally approve of, but it means I have less chance of successfully preparing him for the day when the time comes.

Any advice or experience will be very gratefully received.

I would have a look around Bristol Grammar School and perhaps some others to get a feel for them. Many private schools don't particularly cater for SEN, however some will, and the proof is in the pudding, for instance on an open morning speak to the Learning Support staff about what they offer for the conditions that your son has. As regards preparation for the entrance exam, I would so a social story, find some photos of the school for him, prepare him for the length of exam etc. If he is doing the CE get some Bond books and show him the style of questions, e.g. the non-verbal reasoning, which will be new since its not on the National Curriculum. Our son has Asperger's and we are looking at several schools for him at the moment, we are not a grammar school area, so a non-selective though high-quality private is what we have our eye on. Every child is an individual and PDA can be very challenging, so I would recommend some detailed research on school visits to help you judge how well he'd cope/what support they'd offer. Independent schools don't have to take children, and some ask for an Ed Psych report or Headteacher's report if there are concerns over behaviour to be honest.

When we looked at BGS, they were very welcoming of children with ASD, and lightly observed our son as he looked around. They told us they had pupils with much greater needs than him, who wouldn't be able to cope with an open day for example. In the end we were worried that he'd find the pace and expectations too overwhelming, and chose a smaller school. At the time, BGS class sizes weren't any smaller than our local comprehensive, so that wouldn't have worked (we were also looking at small classes).

I think all you can do is look around at the various schools in and around Bristol (you don't mention QEH, Clifton High or Clifton College for example). I know of some teachers and pupils at Sidcot who are very happy, again, best to see for yourself, I think you'll soon get a feel for the school that seems the right fit for your child.

Ooh thank you both for replying - I thought this thread had disappeared into the depths of too-boring-to-respond-to.

I have wondered whether I'd scupper his chances of getting in if they caught a whiff of special needs before offering a place (assuming I successfully get him in the right mental zone) if I talk to them during open days. It's a relief that they seemed welcoming to you @carrie74. I was scared to ask them directly about their support but maybe it would be OK.

I'd be interested which school you chose instead @carrie74 (might you be ok to PM it to me rather than posting it publicly?) if there's an option we hadn't considered.

QEH is ruled out because we won't consider single-sex. Clifton High being semi-single-sex with its separate lessons for girls and boys doesn't feel like much of an avoidance of that.
Clifton College is lovely but the fees are a good £8000pa more than BGS - totally out of our budget
Colstons put us off by being so keen on team sports and CCF that we felt it would be a total mismatch temperamentally.

I think it would be unhelpf for all to hide the fact he has additional needs and not to discu that with school. I know children who've done very well at bgs who've had addit needs but they were open and honest about it from the start. How can you be sure it's the right school if you hide this from them? Also you may need to pay for any addi supp needed so it would be good to know those costs up front.

I feel that would be definitely true if he ends up diagnosed with something and with defined additional needs @Hollowvictory - but where we are at the moment we have no diagnosis, no clue as to whether he is going to need any additional support at senior level (he's doing fine academically at primary with no statement/EHCP). All we have is a suspicion/gut feeling, and it could go either way.

Would massively echo what others have said. Tell the school upfront and have an honest discussion with them. They will have a SEN lead who you can talk to and tell you what experience they have and what strategies they use. It should help you understand if it is likely to be the right fit for your ds.

If your ds is likely to find the assessment a challenging situation, the school understanding this in advance will mean they can help and support him.

I only have second hand experience of BGS, but it matches carrie74's experience so don't be afraid of talking to them about it.

I knew someone whose child was not in mainstream school and unlikely ever to be (dyslexia plus other stuff), who moved to Bristol especially so they could go to Clifton College who apparently have a special unit. The very bright daughter went there as well and on to Cambridge.

Lost touch though after they moved so cant tell you how it worked out.