Children not getting enough to eat

[PenguinPandas]

At DD's primary and last school all the children we knew seemed to have enough to eat at school and home. At her new secondary which is rural there seems much more of a wealth divide and she is telling me about children not having enough to eat.

First time was just families couldn't afford takeaways so no real concern. Second time she told me about a family where mother is shoplifting to get enough food for kids. I know there are alcohol issues there and SS are involved and so probably not much else can be done. Tonight she told me there's a boy who says he can only eat every other day at home and often has no school lunch and other kids give him food for lunch. She suspects there are other children in similar situations though no proof of others but we did have an e-mail round from school to say that many kids are being given emergency lunch passes on credit for £2.25 each day but parents aren't paying it back and if parents want a lower limit than this tell school. DD is begging me to say nothing as he loves his Mum, she's a single Mum working in a minimum wage job but this sounds horrific and dangerous. I am worried if report it SS will come in and remove children - around here most people have 3 or 4 but then they can't be left not eating for days. Is this common now? Is there any other solution than reporting it like getting school to raise a fund people can donate to - I can organise it but would need school to circulate and maybe better from them directly - and use it to pay lunches or a breakfast if they get free lunches. Feel so sorry for them though don't know them. I guess we could give them cash, DD does buy food for kids she thinks need it anyway, but sounds like more than one family is affected. Do any schools do anything to help with this sort of thing - I know they shouldn't have to but its how we know about it. Thanks for any ideas.

This is much more common than people think. A bunch of schools in the city near me had to have washing machines installed as children were coming into school wearing really dirty clothes; their parents couldn't afford to run the washing machine. Teachers were taking clothes home to wash and giving the kids a spare set to wear those days. So now they keep sets in school and wash them during school time.
Then there's the food; be only meal a lot of kids get is the school meaĺ, but kids on low incomes like that get it free so I don't understand why your daughter's school aren't giving free school meals to the kids who can't afford to eat?

Instead of calling SS, pop in and have a word with the school about your concerns. Perhaps they could approach the parent with the forms for free school meals? Or find a way to help... lunch box donations or something...

SS do not remove children just because they've missed a few dinners.
If you're sure dd is telling the truth, by all means speak to school. Chances are they already know. School can encourage parents to seek help, if required, and can support with this. Approach Head of Year or pastoral support but don't expect to get an update as you won't get one.
I really wouldn't look at setting up a fund, kind as the thought is, as it would be very difficult to administer and too open to abuse.

Not everybody who is struggling financially is eligible for free school meals

People act very shocked but this happened when I was at secondary school too nearly 2 decades ago. I knew kids who had noodles or toast for dinner if anything. no breakfast. Pre Jamie Oliver so School dinners were chicken nuggets and chips (if they were eligible for them). If not eligible for school dinners, lunch was a cheap energy drink or a chocolate bar, or a couple of B&H cigarettes behind the bike sheds.

I was posh because I had 3 meals a day

You should let the school know.

It could also be an eating disorder.

I did double check things with DD as she is prone to exaggeration and think friends are too but she is saying the boy often turns up with nothing for lunch at all at school - I don't know why no FSM, maybe just outside limit or maybe not filled in form - and on days when he does its a packed lunch. On days were he doesn't he tells other kids his Mum has said they don't have money for food that day. DD said other kids give him food which he eats and overall he's thin but not really thin.

She said she had a text from him saying something like on some days he doesn't eat at all as they don't have money to eat that day. She's not sure if he means at all or meals or whether that just applied to that week or all the time but the lunches are all the time. I would have thought someone at school would have noticed the lunches but could have fallen under the radar as its packed lunch rather than school dinner. I don't think its an eating disorder as he eats when given food. I am wary about giving cash without knowing family but certainly DD can give him food. I will try and get more details out of her and then see about telling school. She hasn't even given me his surname though has given me first name and village so they might be able to work out from there. Thanks for your help.

They may well not have noticed at school - thousands of kids quickly bolting down a sandwich and going out to play football normally.

There have always been hungry children but it’s probably getting worse. There have always been kind schools and teaching staff who discreetly fund food. That might be school starting a breakfast club for children in need - cereal and toast nothing special just food. It might be a kind teacher ‘who loves cooking’ bringing in flapjacks or muffins and giving them out to a few.
Austerity has definitely resulted in more hungry children. Sadly, in some families, children’s food is not always prioritised over cigarettes or alcohol. It’s wrong but if the household is chaotic, children go hungry and that makes learning difficult.
There was a news item last week about a school that was bringing in a mobile launderette as some parents couldn’t afford to wash their children’s clothes. Home economics teachers have long done laundry for individual children.

Do any schools do anything to help with this sort of thing

I'm member of the secondary sch PTA; we were told (by staff) about maybe a dozen families very hard up. Can't afford uniform (so we authorised they could have some from our 2nd hand sale stock), and we paid for Xmas bundles for them last year. I assume they are on free school meals & school may find other ways to help them. Primary school had a breakfast club so maybe this one does, too.

When I was on committees for Guides & Cadets we had special provisions for families that couldn't afford subs or uniform, too.

The Glass Castle is a good read about (real) kids in a rich country growing up with too little food.

Thanks very much - its so sad to hear about this. The one family I would say money is being diverted to alcohol though its an alcohol addiction rather than lack of love for kids and those kids are being fed but only with mother stealing. I mentioned foodbanks to DD and she said the family have been offered them but refuse to use them as its embarrassing.

She has checked with the other boy and says he is known for exaggerating but says he has now clarified it is the odd meal rather than days without food. Its still not great and shouldn't be happening though. I will try and get her to find out more but she thinks he would take more food given at school but I want to check for siblings. She also think it affects quite a few families. I know the Headmistress thanks to ASD DS and she seems nice and caring so once I have established more out may see if they are open to ideas on this - the PTA maybe a good source to help. There's lots of well-off older people in the village too who might well help, its just finding a way to get the help through to those who need it without them diverting it to drink etc or not wanting to appear in need. DD says the kids are always very willing to take food but its getting it to younger siblings and not having lots of not in need other kids raiding it though fine for other kids to take and pay. DD says I should just leave it but don't like leaving it but want to help in the right way not add more stress to the families. DD says a lot of it is single Mums where father isn't paying or nowhere near enough costs.

This charity will go into secondary schools if there is sufficient need. Could flag it to the school or governors? www.magicbreakfast.com/what-the-charity-does

Sadly it's not new. I was at school in the 60s/70s and remember children whose only meal was their school dinner.
When my DC were at the local tiny village primary school 15 years ago the staff used to keep a supply of breakfast food for certain children who never had anything to eat in the morning (though in their case it was often neglect rather than poverty).

It's a safeguarding issue and it's worth telling the school so they can at least observe. I doubt they would do more than that at this stage.

I have had two boys tell me they rarely get dinner and should have reported it, but didn't. The first boys mum was deeply depressed and on drugs, and couldn't look after her three boys, one severely disabled. Her boys were taken into care.

The second was also depressed and drinking too much. She would forget to go out and buy food or just forget dinner completely. Shes a lovely lady to be fair and still has custody of her son, and three other kids.

A friend of mine never had enough food although she said her parents could afford it. They were just very strict and strange. She would steal bread rolls in the canteen. The staff found out and were amazing and gave her free food from thereon.

My DS says a lot of kids say they can't afford school lunches at his school but usually the account has been drained and parents are unaware (we have been guilty of this a couple of times). When they started secondary the kids were buying literally everything available so drained their budget very quickly. Those kids are no longer complaining they can't afford meals.

So, it could be for any reason OP, but I don't think there's any harm in having a quiet word with a teacher.

Cuz some mums would rather spend doing their nails than fed their kids