would i be mad to turn down a bursary place for poss ASD child?

[betterthedevildonna]

i guess I'm trying to gauge how much of a golden opportunity this is?

Private school was never on the cards but DS now 12, transitioned really badly at year 7 to the local comp. developed mental health problems and is currently under the care of CAMHS. is on a waiting list for ASD assessment. Jury's out on this one - hard to tell if he has ASD or is just eccentric and gifted.

we started looking at alternatives in desperation and he sat the exam for a local independent. Smashed it despite being totally untutored and has been provisionally offered a partial discount (poss as much as 50%) on the basis of his exam performance and good reference from comp.

meanwhile life at the original school has improved though he still lacks friends.

i'm very proud of him but I'm also worried that the risks of another transition could be too high.

DS himself is undecided.

What would you do?

Can he spend a couple of days at the new school to see if he would like it? I'd go with the school which would challenge him academically, nothing worse than being bored.

Will the independent school offer the bursery throughout his time there or will you have to re-apply every year? If it's not guaranteed and you couldn't afford it yourself and he struggles with transitions then I would stay where he is.

It’s really hard to say
Dd is at Private School and the workload and expectations are much higher than her friends have at The Comp, this may be contributing to her Anxiety and other MH issues. BUT the pastoral care and 1to 1 help she gets at school ( and the communication we get) is much better than friends at The Comp with similar issues get.
It’s a bit chicken and egg for us, she’s getting great support but would she need it if she wasn’t there?
Academically she’s doing great and I really don’t think The Comp wouid suit her but she is under pressure her friends at other schools aren’t
Some Private schools aren’t great for SN either ( although DDs School does seem to be from a few things I’ve seen/heard)

No brainier. Go to the independent if you can afford it.

Thanks for thoughts everyone.

Mayhem. good shout on the taster days. I may request this - but then I'd feel bad if we pulled out! Not sure if the bursary is for the whole time. will have to ask.

Hoppinggreen. thanks for thoughts on this. DS doesn't really stress about academic pressure. He actually does quite badly in some of the subjects he is less interested in but this doesn't bother him. all his stresses are social and linked to the ongoing popularity contest at school which he fails at. Can't see this being any better at a private school to be honest.. on the SN provision, the SENCO at the secondary was saying that the SEN provision at private is worse but I'm not sure I believe this. The pastoral support sounded v. good to me.

Arcadian. yes that's what I am worried about! how can we say in the future that we passed up this opportunity?! We can't afford full fees but we can afford partial fees, which is what they appear to be offering.

What is the style of the school! Is it quite quirky or is it v sporty and hearty. Private schools can go either way, but it generally quite easy to tell on looking around. My year 8 boy is at a private prep which could with only a small stretch just as well be marketed as a special school for high functioning aspergers/ other such like. My sad son is much better able to find his social home there than he would somewhere more hearty and, I imagine, the average mixed ability state school. As a previous poster said the flip side of a more academic environment could be pressure, but the things he finds harder are really about organisations and focus which I think he would find just as hard in a lower academic environment, and I suspect that more cerebral environments are but more accepting of quirky children.

So, if you think the place “feels” right and I’d thr Brudney is through to 18, or at least gcse, go for it

Gosh - sorry - autocorrect frenzy. “And if the bursary is through to 18”

we have a dd with ASD. A large comp was disastrous for her. She is now in a small private school and doing v well.

I would ask the private school -
how big are the classes? the smaller the better ime
would sport be a problem? how would the school deal with this?
what individual support would he get in lessons?

gauge what the pupils are like - calm or boisterous?

michael. school is not too hearty - i think he could fit in there. yes to the major issue with organisation! this has been a big problem in the comp where no one is looking out for him.

1805. Thanks for your thoughts. we did have a look round. class sizes are much smaller than current school. sport could be an issue but no more than currently I don't think (his state school is very sporty). I don't think he would get extra support in lessons.

I think the thing I'm feeling sad about is that the plan was for him to go to our local, community state school where all our friends and neighbours' kids go. it is actually a very good state school - great results, nice teachers. But he just didn't cope at all in that first year which is why i felt we had to look at alternatives.

better - we had the same plan for dd. we took her out of private prep (way too much pressure to be 'the best') and put her in the local schools.
At secondary though this just didn't work.

She actually is so much happier now in a small school, and still keeps in touch with her few local friends too. Win win.

Good luck.

I often heard of and experienced myself with older DS private school off-loading pupils with SEN, especially ASD, unless the school are specifically geared for it, or DC don't need any support and don't bring down the results... Private schools would also require you to cover the cost of SEN provisions, which could easily double the fees...

Pastoral support and SEN support are totally different things. With ASD the problem is usually coping with social aspects, organisation, and every new year brings new academic challenges, which might require specific help and exam arrangements. I suppose it does not matter if DC just fly under the radar, but when the problems start being 'real', DC need real ASD specific SEN provisions and private schools are rarely up for that. It doesn't help that you are unsure about ASD, how your DS would cope.

I would research carefully the school's approach to SEN and ASD, OP, if they suddenly become reluctant, there's your answer.

With regard to extra help with organisation this is absolutely non existent at DD’s School. Luckily she doesn’t need it but there is zero tolerance for forgetting things and not handing in homework etc
SN kids get no leeway at all with this
There is an argument that it works - there are the same expectations for them as everyone else but I don’t know as it doesn’t apply to us
The only answer is a taster day I wouid say and go from there

I would recommend the private school. Do check, as others have said, their provision for additional needs, and if they have things like ELSA, and an understanding of ASD in Learning Support. If so, I would grab it with both hands. Private schools have the time to support the individual needs of student much better, and are likely to offer much calmer and more ordered environments which will suit ASD children. They're likely to be less overwhelming during transition times as there are less children, offer more space, which will reduce sensory stimulus, and more extra-curricular activities for unstructured times like lunch-times, which ASD children can find challenging.

Check the local independent's financial situation
Why are they undersubscribed?

I have son with ASD and I think you have to take a long hard look at the options here and think which will be best for your DS.

Go to the private school and talk to them about exactly what SEN support they have, what the pastoral care is like, if there is a parent of a child with some SEN needs they could put you in touch with to chat through how she feels her child has been supported. Ask to meet whoever heads up SEN at the school etc.

Also if he is at the G&T end of the spectrum, ask all about that too. I know less about that, because it didn't apply in DS's case.

Then do exactly the same at the state school.

Then ask if you DS can do a taster day or even two days at the private school and see what he thinks.

Take all the emotive stuff out of it and just look at what is on offer and your DS's needs and you'll come to the right conclusion.

He's done exceptionally well in their assessments. They want your son. Now talk with them about what they can do for him - start with the academic side, how will they enrich his education and ensure he is stretched to his ability? Then discuss the social side, any anxieties and other issues - how will they support that?

It is probably a very good opportunity to move him. The school should make you feel confident that it is the right place for him. Taster days are also an excellent idea. If they can't give you that confidence - I would seriously look around at other independent school possibilities, there may be one that is even better for him than this one.

The ideal kind of school that would suit your son will probably have a number of bright ASD children, not necessarily diagnosed as such, and clubs and societies in which the quirky can thrive. This description would apply to a lot of top independent schools I believe. Oh and my impression is it is easier to find this for boys than girls. I wish I could have sent my daughter to the school her brother has just gone to - but the "equivalent" type of environment for girls wouldn't have been the same anyway (she's actually quite happy and doing well in a co-ed boarding school, also not something we had on our radar when they were younger).

Good luck, and hope that reframing this as "what will my son offer this school" as well as "how will this school help my son" will lead you to the answers you need.

Oh god this is such a difficult decision.

FWIW we were in exactly the same position for our DS and looked at lots of options after his first year, although the only private school that we liked culturally was full, so that put paid to that.

I would check:
Is the bursary for his whole school career?
Is it financially secure - small, undersubscribed private schools have closed near us recently
What support will he get? Do you have to pay for this?
What does he want - the thought of another transition actually paralysed my son...

I would agree with the pp who said someone who actually wants him is an amazing thing... and agree you need to do a couple of taster days - don't feel guilty about them, that's just daft!

But only you and your son can work out if another transition would be worth it. For us it wasn't.

it Really depends on the school. What is their pastoral care like? What is the school culture like? If it is a proper school then I would send him there purely because he is more likely to find people on his level. If it is one of these schools where the newly rich said their children then he’d be better off at his current school most likely.

Another thought. You might want to consider the issues around MH problems and CAMHS in year 7 being a red flag in terms of 'severity' of ASD in relation to SEN provisions. I was grappling with the same problems for both of my DC with ASD. To better judge whether your DS will thrive or crash in an independent school, you probably need to also check the SEN side, get advice, maybe private EP assessment in terms of what the barriers and needs are.

The thing is, it looks like your DS didn't manage the transition and struggled to cope in mainstream (you said as much), which is usually taken as the threshold, that your DS's ASD need serious provisions. In other words, he is not 'flying under the radar', he crashed actually, i.e, this is an indication that he might not thrive without SEN support as you might hope. This board is full of stories of 'light' ASD problems escalating into school refusal and total implosion by the time of GCSEs even with some SEN support. Independent schools could be just the thing for DC who don't need particular help, but when schools discover that students need specialist provisions, they might react in various ways. Some of this could be withholding the bursaries, doubling fees and blatantly asking you to take DS out, i.e. another transition and a long delay/lost time in terms of the SEN process in state sector...

You said the situation improved at school supposedly due to SEN support. What did the school do? Are there residual problems and what further help is required? What would happen if you take that away? Can the private school do those things, would there be costs for you?

Thanks for messages everyone.

cakesandtea - yes, total breakdown at year 7 which might indicate an underlying severe ASD BUT other things indicate not, like totally normal infanthood, no rigid thinking, no obvious sensory stuff.

I should probably mention that what saved us in year 7 is medication which he is still on. School were supportive and did put in place various things but it was all window dressing compared to that.

i must admit i am a bit surprised a private school is so keen to take on a medicated child with history of problems mid year. I don't think they are undersubscribed or in financial trouble. results are best in county. but who knows. i get the impression all private schools outside london struggle a bit these days because the middle classes all have massive mortgages and can't afford the fees (like us)

i am still in a huge dilemma and will take on advice on this thread but overall i am beginning to think not. we have other children to consider and I'm worried also that being further away from home might be bad for DS's mental health

Another thing to consider - what extra input could you buy for your child with the money you would be spending on the private school fees?
eg private ASD assessment etc