Anxious yr 11 Dd, mixed moxk results and conflicting views from school

[tommy72]

Hello! I apologise in advanced; this is most likely going to turn into a massive rant, i'm lost at what to do next.
So, DD is in year 11, gifted but dyslexic... now that is about all i can 100% say she is as some teachers tell me she is the work of the devil challenging, where as others say shes quiet and anxious. Anxious i agree with... she has always been a worrier.
At the end of October she sat a hell of a lot a full series of exams.
Her results looked as it they were sat by 2 different people they are: 2 9s, 2 8s, 2 7s, 1 and 3 Us.
She did not cope with this at all; her anxiety went sky high, worst it has been since changing schools in year 9. Her body focused repetitive behaviours returned , scratching and lip biting, as well as regular panic attacks. After this period of mocks her 'bad' / 'coping' / i've no idea as everyone wants to call it something different behaviour returned. In the form of truanting lessons, avoiding situations she finds difficult (e.g assemblies, English lessons, social situations) and refusing to work. These have not gone away and are causing her to get in a lot of trouble at school (some quite rightly so) however DD is getting extremely stressed and building higher barriers.
We had parents evening last Thursday. Not one teacher could say the same thing about her... it went from "the barriers need holding and she needs to realise she cant get away with this, needs to work harder and revise more" to "she needs support, take the pressure off herself and relax". Honestly i felt like every teacher i spoke to was talking about a completely different child, and they're are all taking different, conflicting approaches to dealing with her.
I spoke to the year 11 SEN lead and all she basically said was "she's in the top pathways, getting ok results there is not much we can do to support her. She has her exam access in place and uses it. She needs to toughen up and buckle down."
This was completely different from the weekly chats i'm having with DDs mentor, who is telling me she needs support.

Now if i'm honest i'm not really sure what i'm asking. Any ideas or advice on what to and where to go next? . All i know is i have an extremely stressed, anxious DD who does not want to go back to school and, in my eyes, is not coping.
Thanks in advanced, was nice to let it all out.

I've spoken to Dd and she said "the only thing read to me in all 4 English papers, 2 lit and 2 lan, were the questions. They said they can not read anything to us that is in a border" (presume she meant a box)
This is certainly something I will bring up with the school, as will help massively if they are in fact able to read some of the English paper to her.
I'll speak to her maths teacher and see if between us we can encourage her to use a reader in maths.
I'll certainly look into the ASD support groups as well as talking to gp about getting an assessment. Even if it isn't ASD it may flag up other issues.
At home, she is the youngest of 3, doesn't really get on with older brothers. We live in the country side, she likes to take the dog for a walk and escape by herself. She does like to do things her own certain way! God forbid she has to get changed, before brushing her teeth. Does most things asked of her, providing she knows well in advanced what she has to do.
She gets very stressed at home, when it is loud and busy, especially when she come home from school and is already a nervous wreck. Because of this reason also she does not like it when family visits or when we visit family.
The school have suggested she see the school counsellor, but DD refuses. She doesn't like talking to people she does not know and generally will not do whats asked of her unless she knows the person asking. There are 2 adults at school who she trusts and will talk too, and that is only recently, it has taken about 2 years for her to gain their trust.

In the JCQ table I linked above the first column is on use of computer reader the 2nd in use of a human reader - Eng Lit does not assess reading and only some of Eng Lang does. She should use the computer reader for Eng Lang Reading (is it Read Write Gold? If so it’s not bad) - I only know AQA English but the 19th century text is very dense and inaccessible to someone who’s dyslexic.

Her behaviour at home sounds like it is exacerbated by the stress of school and the pressures of confirming to rules, enforced sociability etc. I would pursue an ASD assessment as she sounds very like several girls I’ve worked with.

to you and your dd it sounds very stressful and must be hard for her older siblings too.

Re Maths do the school still supply her with the reader / scribe? As in are they physically sitting next to her? If they aren’t then they are not meeting her access arrangements.

In case you don’t have a copy this is the relevant part of JCQ regulations.

www.jcq.org.uk/Download/exams-office/access-arrangements-and-special-consideration/regulations-and-guidance/access-arrangements-and-reasonable-adjustments-booklet

Thank you! Will approach school Armed with the regulations in the new year. Also going to put my foot down with assemblies, RE and PE! I can nor bare to do another 6 months (potentially worse especially during exam season) of this, it is not fair on dd.
I'd also spoken to few friends previously about ASD they said its probably just anxiety.. but am going to go with my gut and get an ASD assessment.
In regards to maths, if I remember rightly so, Dd specifically asked to not have anyone with her- she does not like using a scribe but knows she has to to reach her full potential.

Good luck!

What does your dd want to happen re school and exams? Can she give her different lessons a rating out of 10 for how anxious they make her feel / how much she enjoys them? It may help when you speak to school.

What does she feel went wrong with English? Conversely what does she feel went right with Geography?

Just inform the school that’s she’s not doing PE or RE to ease her anxiety as she isn’t coping at all. They are entitled to grant her a reduced timetable.

It’s the school’s decision - you could request but not inform them. The main problem will not be attainment 8 etc but 1 - who would supervise her during this time? There are so few support staff available. And 2 - it sets a precedent for others to say they also would like to drop out.

Assemblies are critical in school - all the ethos is developed, the year group is managed, messages are passed on. It would be really not good for her to miss that - she would be even more out of touch.

A reduced timetable might be negotiable if it is short term and she can go home for a couple of afternoons a week for example.

Assemblies are not crucial yes ethos is supported then and major themes covered. But my DD's form Tutor has been told to keep her out depending on the theme - because when it is an assembly which is basically a "telling off" or "nagging" my DD because of her ASD takes the themes personally and becomes very stressed. She doesn't need to be told to revise harder or whatever - that purely stresses her.
She was late to one of her mocks and was so stressed because of the "nagging" they had received beforehand that she had a panic attack and couldn't leave the car.

OP your DD's school seem pretty rigid, and not to understand your DD (my DD's school is high achieving and strict but has always tempered justice with mercy, and understands my DD).
Getting a tutor to explain technique for English to your DD could massively turn things around. In my area the NAS runs coffee mornings for the parents of Girls, you don't need a diagnosis and the other parents have a lot of useful local tips. (I got a recommendation of a psychologist last time I went.)

Yes in my opinion assemblies are crucial. Assemblies shouldn’t be used for tellings off except perhaps once in a year.

That’s awful your daughter has such severe anxiety but I can understand the school making it very clear to students the importance of being on time for their exams, because if they are late for a gcse the chances are they are not allowed in and they fail. I hope your daughter managed to sit her mock at another time.

To be fair as long as a student arrives within the first hour of the official start time there are absolutely no problems with them sitting the exam (and getting the full time allowance).

I’ve been to many many assemblies in my time and have seen nothing which was of critical importance (and not communicated in many other ways). Yes they are good for creating a cohesive community but if it’s a choice between a student becoming ill / school refuser and withdrawing them from assemblies it’s a no brainier!

Well it is up to the centre whether or not they allow late candidates to enter the examination hall once the exam is in progress, according to JCQ guidelines. They can refuse entry if they wish. I think we can all agree how incredibly disruptive it would be to all the other candidates if students were advised to come in at any point within the first hour.

Re: assemblies - it’s pretty disappointing you must have seen such a huge number of really crap assemblies to think that. I think for the 20 mins or so once a week that they are of huge importance and wouldn’t want to exclude anyone from them.

Assemblies are not crucial for an anxious Y11 pupil who is struggling to attend lessons due to mental health difficulties. Allowing the pupil to miss assemblies and then passing on any important info would be a reasonable adjustment.

Assemblies are not critical to a girl who is high on anxiety and needing a reduced timetable. Twisted priorities and pedantic to think otherwise. Mental health has to come first

Cauliflower - in my experience a large number of rooms are used for exams. It is highly likely that one of the other rooms is starting the exam a little later, and these were Mocks not public exams! (To be honest if there were major road disruption in public exam season then the exam is likely to start a little later anyway.)

In my experience of assemblies - they can be very good - but are never crucial for everyone! And a lot of the time are plain boring for my DC.
They are used to promote "key values" which my DC tend to find banal. Or to provide information such as "how we expect you to behave in exams" or "dealing with friendship issues", which may be more efficiently passed on on a year group basis but could be done in other ways.
They are certainly never worth increasing stress levels in the already anxious. The normal MN argument is that it is too much hassle to arrange separate supervision for a few pupils - but actually that can easily be covered, as is far preferable than either school refusal or a heightened anxiety that will damage learning/behaviour for the rest of the day.

So, English is not her thing. She is dyslexic but excels in other areas. I would go to the local colleges and look at suitable courses for next year. I managed to get my dyslexic dd on a level 3 business course without a pass in English. The college agreed that level 2 would be too easy for her. She carried on with English alongside the rest.
If you're chose 2 or 3 a levels to do, she would prob calm down. Schools do tend to relentlessy push the idea that unless you get high grades there is a big black hole you will fall into

Little moan update, for those who are interested...
Well term 3, term 3 has been the worst by far. DD had quite severe panic attacks and episodes of anxiety at the beginning of term, the school were struggling to get her through the door to two lessons a day, let alone stay in them.
Then week 3 school refusal kicked in, DD didn't go in for 7 days, so in the meantime I arranged a doctors appointment.
Eventually got DD back in. The school really were not interested in supporting, they went round in circles of telling me she needs consequences and boundaries.
The last 3 weeks of term DD fluctuated a lot... having some good days and some diabolical days.
Really quite concerned, DD has mock exams straight after half term, her lesson attendance this term was 30%., i fear this will get worse and turn into complete school refusal. Her GCSES are begin in 4 months, and although i put her well being first, i do not want DD to regret this in years to come as she has such potential.
Not sure where to go next, or what to do.

I wouldn't necessarily say this to her just yet but something for you to consider is could she possibly re-do her English GCSE at college if it doesn't work out this time? I had a friend who did chemistry GCSE alongside A levels.

If it were my DD I wouldn't want to sacrifice her good grades in her strong subjects for the sake of stress over the weak ones

Have only just seen this OP, am so sorry to hear about the tough time your DD is having - and of course the impact on you..

if things are getting worse and you're concerned about how the next few months will pan out... is it possible to just take 1/2 of her GCSEs now and perhaps the others next year. Would she this as more manageable or a punishment?

My DD is in year 11 too so I sympathise and I'm not experiencing the levels of stress you must all be under

Cross posts with lotterywin - is this something worth exploring OP?

It might be worth taking DD to see GP and getting their help for the anxiety and panic attacks. Having a letter from the GP may also get your school to be a bit more flexible. Has the school completed the syllabus for most of her subjects? If the answer is yes, perhaps the school will allow your DD to start study leave early. Regardless of whether the school plays ball, I would consider 'informally' dropping some of the subjects she is having real issues with. With regards to her future A-levels, maybe think about an online school or a home education group.

Good luck to both of you

What was the outcome of the GP visit.

The school has applied for and been granted access arrangements for your daughter, which presumably will include taking exams somewhere other than the hall, with the majority. The access arrangements you describe are quite comprehensive, so what else would you like put in place?

I would agree that she should focus on those subjects that she is successful at, except that English is a requirement at GCSE. Unfortunately, schools are constrained by rules and may not be able to release her from the exams. I don’t see why attendance at assembly is such an issue, providing there is somewhere for her to go at that time.

Tutor for maths English ASAP. Talk to school about dropping RE and Sports science. Get an Ed Psych privately asap