millfield school new parents

[gee1]

Our son joined Millfield this September in year 9. He is extremely sporty, happy fun boy. He struggles with Academics as he has ADHD.He really wanted to board [I did not want him too} how ever he was adament to experince Millfield boarding was to be. We are not a rich family. His first 2 reports have been average, he is struggling with his prep and being organised which is a big part of ADHD.This week he got into trouble as he had some words with a friend in his boarding house at Lunch time which then escallated into the boys fighting [ THIS IS UNHERAD OF FOR MY SON, Never ever has this happened before!} the school seem to now have the impression that our son is violent and have sent us a stern letter saying anymore and he will be excluded. We are so up set, we sent our son there for the sport, small classes and to support him academically. I feel like so far this is not happening, insted we have a boy who says he is happy, but is struggling in many areas. Talks constantly about how rich everyone is! and has now got physical with another boy!At this moment I fear we have made a huge expensive mistake. Any thoughts please?

my DC have between them attended a number of boarding schools including millfield. My own personal view is that at millfield there is nowhere to hide academically (school miles better than the v academic one my dc transferred from) and school is much more on the ball and strict than other schools about things that really matter (achieving to your academic ability and not coasting, that kind of thing, less strict than other schools on haircuts, scruffy demeanour etc). I think the year 9 set-up is also quite pressurised (doesn’t make it a bad thing). Then factor in that everyone is a sporting superstar, and that your child no longer stands out as a school hero (unlike their prep experience, probably) and it is all quite a tough transition. BUT I have found school very pastoral, and house masters/tutors really engaged and willing to go the extra mile compared to other schools. And also none of the old money/new money/no money divides that permeate some other schools. My own DC found initial settling in very hard, but when we went down, sat down with tutor & housemaster and asked how we could work together, they were amazing, and followed up on things we discussed (eg sorted out a whole load of stuff for our DC who had been totally overwhelmed and unable to organise for themselves).
None of that answers the fundamental qn of whether boarding itself is appropriate for your son, of course, and I may have just struck lucky with DCs particular HM/tutors. But if your son likes the school then I’d persevere, go down there and engage with the pastoral side and take it from there - they do have good supportive systems in place, so ensuring everyone is working together can only help.
FWIW, I like the feel of the new head, too. Right ideas. Don’t forget that staff will be trying to impress him so may be doing things by the book at the moment which is understandable (esp after the initiation stuff). All the more reason to get really engaged with everyone now ref your own son.

But I do agree that, yes, some of the wealth is shocking. My own DC now wears nothing but clothes from sports direct and pretends to be poor as a church mouse as makes life easier than worrying about not having £200 t-shirts in the wardrobe (and no-one actually cares).

Millfield always gets a mixed press on here but it’s a big school (in comparison with most boarding schools) so I guess you’re likely to find more disillusioned parents. But I have two friends who sent their DC’s there and talk highly of it.
I worked in boarding schools some children find it harder to settle in than others particularly if you’ve not boarded before and it’s not uncommon for boys in particular to behave out of character in the beginning. They’ve got to make new friends, organise their work and themselves be in the right place at the right time on a large campus get used to new teachers ways of working etc. and get used to communal living away from parental support. I agree with TheBlessed go and talk to his HM ASAP, if there’s a matron see if she can help with day to day organisation if that’s an issue. In general it takes those new to boarding 2 terms to settle down persevere.
Years ago I was involved with a yr 9 boy who was utterly miserable he was being badly behaved arguing with his HM and other boys not doing his prep totally disorganised driving everyone mad and he was so homesick he was desperate to leave I personally thought he would leave in fact thought he had left. Four years later a confident smiling young man came up to me one day “Hi Miss” I didn’t recognise him until he told me who he was. We talked about the early days for him now a very distant memory he said it was a real struggle in the beginning but he never regretted staying. The only thing I do think is that schools should be more tolerant in the beginning, (I am hopelessly liberal and slack so this is just my opinion) most of the schools I worked at were I hope Millfield is.
With regard to how “rich everyone is” what did you expect? I never found it “shocking” because face it only tiny very wealthy minority have a spare £40k+per child to spend on school fees so I’m afraid it’s inevitable. Like you we are not rich when compared to most parents who were at DS2 boarding school (although in the grand scheme of life we would be considered rich) and we fortunately never found it an issue. But I suspect obvious wealth; Saville Row suits and Patek Philippe watches are more important in some boarding schools than others but don’t forget the staff aren’t usually in this league and in my experience generally discourage this sort of thing. Again talk to his HM one I worked closely with would have to very occasionally remind boys especially in the beginning that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable.

This was very helpful! Thanks