Motivating over GCSE's

[stardustliz]

Any tips re motivating my Y11 son with his GCSE preparation.

He's always been fairly capable at school without having to put in much effort as he has a good memory for facts and information. He's predicted a mix of 7's and 6's which he should get if he puts in 'a bit' of work. His teachers have said he could get higher grades in some subjects (8's or 9's) if he put in more work/equally may get lower if he continues doing nothing.

He does complete his set homework but doesn't seem to 'get' revision or be motivated to do any. He has mocks next week and has pretty much done no preparation.

I have tried to help him organize himself with a revision timetable and giving him folders to keep his subject revision together. He has all the revision guides plus the school have some good online tools.

He just doesn't seem to care. I seem to be asking him every evening what he has done and he just comments he will do some later. When I go in his room he's just on his phone or doing something else. He doesn't really do a great deal with friends anyway - mainly out watching or playing football - so he is in the house a lot of the time and does have time but he just doesn't seem not bothered.

I am getting really frustrated with him but can't spend the rest of this year nagging him like this. I don't know whether I should limit his phone, reward him for work, stop him going out to watch football etc if he isn't working... or whether to just leave him to it.

Any ideas? I am at a loss! But so frustrated as I know he is more than capable and could get a really good set of GCSE grades.

There is a whole y11 thread which might help.

But failing that:

Why not sit him down now, before mocks, and ask him what grades we thinks are reasonable for him to achieve in his mocks, and then how much he would expect to go up by for the 'real thing'.
Hopefully he will come up with sensible answers. Then say, I am concerned you aren't putting much work in, and if you don't achieve those targets I'll need to restrict tech use?

Alternately, discuss what he wants to do in the future, and what grades he will need for that, and how it will be disappointing if he doesn't achieve. Also, now there are no AS exams, some unis are looking more at GCSE results, I think.

I don't envy you. Some students are inclined to coast along doing the minimum to do alright but without any desire to push themselves.
I second teen's advice. Get talking about what he might want to do post 18 and look at what's required.
Could you look at some revision strategies and help him break revision down? Some students find 'revising physics/English/history' too much to deal with so switch off but find it easier to starr if they know they can spend 30 minutes making flashcards on a small area and then having parents/carers quiz them.

Another thing to consider is that as the year progresses even the students who think it's fine and cool not to revise start to knuckle down more. It might not be enough to get him 8s across th boards but the realisation of impending exams hits most students at some point (some later than others).

Remove the phone and tell him he can have it back upon production of an hour of revision notes.

Watch the motivation suddenly rocket.

A lot of kids are not particularly motivated and not interested in thinking long term. They would much prefer to be on WhatsApp with their friends.

And, yes, now AS levels are an endangered species uni's are looking far more closely at GCSE grades. He sounds like a capable lad so better to put the effort in now rather than discover he's unlikely to get an offer for his dream course or miss out on a great apprenticeship because others got the grades he was capable of. But I also get that teen boys' logic is something else when it comes to effort/ expected results! I just keep reminding mine of the end goal and how upset he'll be if he misses out due to inertia.

Remove phone.
Set prep time each evening
Incentive for results. No idea of your finances but maybe £20/£50 per grade 9 or similar.
Tutored revision and extension - online Skype tutor such as Alpha tutors twice a week in weakest subjects or live tutor.
Revision college at twixtmas, half term and Easter if you can afford it.

Does he have a career in mind? Work experience in that field, know admission criteria and grades necessary and aim for that as a minimum.

If he's doing basically next to nothing, then you need a strategy to start small and build up as the real exams get closer.

Have a sit down talk and agree with him to do x number of hours revision each day and y numbers at weekends and agree when. So, agree, a start of say, 6-7pm daily and maybe Sat/Sun afternoons 2-4. You should easily get "agreement" to do a fairly small amount like that as long as it doesn't conflict with other arrangements such as football practice.

Set up a "study" area away from his bedroom (and his distractions) such as the dining table or buy a small desk/table for the living room. Take away his phone and ipad and turn off the wifi. Whilst he's study, the rest of the family have to respect it, and do things which aren't going to distract him, no TV etc. He needs to be a public area, so you can "prod" him if he's not doing it. Outside the agreed times, let him be and don't hassle him.

1 hour per day and 2 at weekends isn't anywhere near enough to get grade 9s, but you have to start somewhere. It's all about habit to actually do it and then confidence/results to show it's working which will encourage and motivate him to do more.

But the important thing is that with someone without motivation, you need to find a way to get him away from all distractions as you need to "re train" him to concentrate for at least a short time on revision. That means a big fat "NO" to any suggestion from him to do it in his own bedroom - you can't monitor him and he's surrounded by distractions. You need to find a working space in a "public" area of the house and your family needs to respect his working time by not doing other things to distract him so he's not feeling as if he's missing out.

Another here with a capable but unmotivated DC. He is mostly well behaved and does homework but never anymore than absolutely necessary. Whenever I have a go at motivating him to do more it is taken personally and he says ‘I’m not doing anything wrong’ and ‘at least I’m not hanging out in the park and doing drugs’. It is just so difficult.

I’m taking the dangerous rout of letting my DD do no work. She only needs 4s for the BTEC she’s going to do next year. She’s on track for 4s. And she just doesn’t see the point in working for the 6/7s she’s perfectly capable of.

I think it’s her life. She’s 15. She’s quite old enough to decide to work or not work.

I don’t think forcing her to work is a good life lesson. Nobody will be forcing her later. So she needs to learn to be self motivated.

And if she doesn’t get the 4s she needs (which she absolutely should) then she’ll have to face the consequences- not me.

Following with interest - in exactly the same position here. Part of me agrees that DS has to find it in himself and want to achieve the best grades he can. But I also think at 15 he might just take the easy route and coast through with ok grades and regret it later.

God Salty that’s harsh. Your DD is still a child, they need help and support in all areas, including help to focus on their work.
I hope she doesn’t blame you for the lack of support if she fails to get the 4s.

16 used to be an adult. DH left home at that age.

At 15 teenagers know exactly what they’re doing. It is really not helpful to treat them like infants.

DD has not had a lack of support. Not for one moment. What she has had is a lack of nagging.

Instead she’s learning responsibility and independence. Skills which are shining through her life. And will set her up for life more than one grade higher in English.

I’m absolutely sure DD will look back on her childhood and wish I’d done some things different. Every single person does that.

SaltyMyDear I’m with Rosieposy4. It feels like you’ve abdicated responsibility. In my experience the route to independence and responsibility in adult life is to teach, support and reinforce these skills throughout childhood and beyond. That doesn’t, in my book, mean just letting them choose not to reach their potential or allowing them to fail. Success is vital as a foundation for adulthood and I couldn’t leave that choice to a child who may be fairly inconsequential.

My 20 year old still needs parental,support and guidance sometimes - as does my 23 year old and 26 year old.

BackInTime
I could have written your post!
At least I'm not.... one of his favourite comebacks!

Ask him non judgementally why he is not putting the work in. I asked dd and she said there was just too much to revise and she just could not do it. She was so sure she would fail, even if she did work. I was all for letting her get on with it, but realised she did need help to plan out her revision. We talked of her wanting the grades and wanting help and encouragement.

So, talk to him. Find out how he feels and what help he wants and what his concerns are.

I will be concerned if she still needs so much help for A levels, but for now, at 15 or 16, modelling good revision techniques and supporting them through their first big set of exams, I don't think will do any harm.

@Salty I kind of get where you are coming from. I agree about learning to be self motivated but I also think that they need help to see the bigger picture and a bit of a nudge to get off the Xbox and do some work. L

Isn’t that what parents do, get them to do things they don’t want to do because they do always see the long term consequences. We nag them to brush their teeth rather than have them learn the hard way by having teeth removed.

I partly agree with all PP's.

However, I think there is a middle ground. I don't think it is helpful to proscribe to your children when and how they do their revision. They should be setting their own timetables, their own methods of revision, their own goals. Yes, encourage them, buy any stationary they request, give them space and time to revise effectively. But set times and hours don't work, quality rather than quantity is the key, and they have a long time to go before their GCSE's. Someone on another thread said it is a marathon not a sprint and I agree. Also you can't cut the wifi or remove computers or ipads, as quite alot of revision tools are now on-line, and they need to have access to them.

salty I totally agree with you. My DD1 was a school refuser, only in Y11, and couldn't be bothered and I tried everything to get her to work. She dug her heals in, did fuck-all and I literally nearly sent myself loopy. She failed, all of them. When she opened the envelope she said"I worked so hard.. it's not fair!" I will never forget what she did a minute later, which is when I realised my efforts had been wasted, when she slumped in her chair and said "no I didn't work hard, this is all my fault." That, was the learning. It is hard as a parent seeing your 18yo, bright child sitting at home with no money or college course. However, she's gone from a very, very low place to having her functional maths and English through a traineeship and has had a couple of temp jobs. Just waiting for her "moment" when she gets the inspiration she needs. Seeing my dd2 going through yr11 now I know it's going to be so different and she is motivated and has no issues with school, friends, bullies, anxiety or drugs so it will be ok. Hardest part for dd1 will be seeing her sister achieve and go on, whereas she's stuck. Good luck op it is hard to watch them make their own mistakes, but it is the only way IMO.