Struggling to know how to respond to dd’s unwillingness to revise for tests and exams

[Cattus]

DD is in year 8. She gets a fair bit of homework and revision. She rarely gets down to either without constant reminders. She doesn’t consider revision to be homework so will refuse to do it until all ‘homework’ is out of the way.
She has had had 3 weeks notice to revise for a big Science test, has been told what to revise and criteria for various levels of attainmemt but has done nothing except watch a few bitesize videos that her dad found for her. I can hear myself nagging and it winds her up that I do, but my nagging at least achieves a minuscule amount of revision. If didn’t nag, there’d be none.
DD has social anxiety and gets very tense about expectations of her which to some extent explains her resistance.
I’d be interested in any tips and to know how much time your similar aged children put into to independent work. Thanks for reading.

Let her revise her way and (potentially) do badly in the test.

Next time round, discuss their plans to revise/study so that things go better this time. Offer suggestions but do not nag.

Repeat as necessary (also suggest you adopt a hobby to use your frustrations up on).

DS is in Y10 and he is just about starting to get this. (he did so little revision in Y7/8 that I didn't even realise how much was expected until my 2nd child started the school). This is partly a wake up call due to GCSEs getting closer and partly because he hit a huge low in Y9 that I think scared him (he was working so far below average in what were meant to be some of his best subjects that average was a distant vision).

Bottom line is you can't revise for them. They have to want to do it themselves.

Year 8 is particularly tough because it's hard to see "the point".

I'm also wondering at your "she gets a fair bit of homework and revision" (just checked my Y8's timetable and she has about 3-4 hours a week) -is she feeling overwhelmed by the volume of work she has?

Her anxiety may be stopping her from starting...if that makes sense. Rabbit in headlight and all that.

Nagging won't help.

Helping her to organise might. My DD is Yr 10. To keep on top of things she, for a variety of reasons, still needs support. So each day she writes up on the fridge homework/due date. Separate column for tests.

We sit together (only 5 mins) and agree what's going to get done when. Things often don't go to plan, but she's got a plan and that makes her feel in control rather than overwhelmed. She updates the list at the end of the evening.

In year 7/8 we helped her devise revision cards. Now she's confident enough to do them herself. She created the cards for a topic, then DH or I reviewed the text book/work book to check all key items on revision cards and question if we thought something missing.

Before a test, we 'test' her on the revision cards she's done so she goes in confident that she's on top of the topic. Often she's in the kitchen when I'm cooking and I'm flipping through cards asking questions. It's not like University Challenge, more a joint review.

Our mantra is 'you're part of a team, not alone in this'. In any work environment people help their colleagues if needed, this is no different. Offer to sit with her and look at websites for revision, offer to help her devise revision plans, offer to talk about different revision methods. Active help, not nagging is your best bet.

I definitely think that helping is the way to go, although it is very stressful. DD1 is in y9 and just wants to get stuff over and done with, then panics at the last minute when she realises how much she needs to do. It upsets me as the teachers spell out clearly what she needs to learn but she glosses over it as it feels too much like hard work.

She does do better in science and maths as they are subjects she is good at, but I get very frustrated with the general attitude and it makes me less helpful probably. There is always huffing and puffing for example.

I really feel your pain.

To be honest, I think most children are too young to revise without help when they are in year 8 (I know schools are told to expect it from them, but that doesn't mean I think they are actually ready). I have one current year 8 and one year 11, and my current year 8 can't and my current year 11, who is brilliant and doing it all on his own, and managing everything, was also not able in year 8 without help.
Regarding science particularly, neither of them had/have a clue how to or could knuckle down to it at Year 8(my year 11 DS is now doing triple science, and plans to take sciences for A level, and is totally on top of them, but that is a maturity level that I just don't think Year 8s have).
What I did/do with both of them at around Year 7/8 was to have "bedtime reading" of the Science text book (which I had to buy, as they were only on line). Remember when you used to read bedtime stories to them, when they were Oh so little - well I brought "bedtime reading" in when DS was in year 7 and just didn't know how to start revising. We read the text book (a double page a night, as that is how the science text book they used at school is structured) until we had covered the topic of the upcoming test. I read to them, but then asked them the questions at the end of the paragraph etc. and they can ask questions of me. DD (current Year 8) likes to do it snuggled up in bed already, with me lying next to her. I didn't do it for her first test in Year 7, but as she did badly, I remembered what I had done with DS, and brought it in for her. For tests during the year, I found that merely reading the text book and discussing tended to be enough, along with a few science quizzes the school set on Doddle. Revising for the end of year exams, it wasn't, and I started teaching them how to make notes. For DD last year though - I typed the notes (I can touch type, she can't even though I tried to teach her, and is a very slow typist). We sat down with the science text book and I got her to try and identify what needed to go in the notes, and then I would type them. DS has always been faster, and so he typed the notes when we did it, but at that age I sat with him and helped him work out how to extract the key bits of information from the text book. This is not something they learn on their own, it is something they need to be taught, and nobody teaches it in school. By last year (Year 10) DS was not only making his own notes from without any involvement from me at all, but the rest of the class were then borrowing and using his notes!

Reading this thread with interest as I have the same issue with my Year 8 DD. They don't have text books in ANY subject which makes revising more difficult still. I can perfectly get not wanting to revise from scruffy exercise books TBQH.

My DCs school used the Oxford Activate Series in KS3 - which I rather like (they explain things clearly, and have good glossy pictures). They switched from Collins when DS was in Year 8, so we had the Collins in Year 7, and the Oxford are definitely superior IMHO. We occasionally have/had to dip into the scruffy exercise books, but mostly were/are able to avoid it in science. Much, much easier to revise (and learn to revise) from a text book (warning, they are not cheap books)

We also bit the bullet and bought DD copies of text books for key topics so she could highlight and mark up the books. A pain to spend the money but it really helped.

Mind you - we concentrated on what she cared about - sciences.

remembering back to being at school myself noone ever teaches you how to revise. I probably still don't know. So that won't be helping.

If there is social anxiety about not doing well then it is quite possible that by taking a decision not to study then that provides an excuse for not doing well which is preferable to perhaps not doing well because of not being clever enough if that makes sense.

no real suggestions. I would like to say don't nag because I do it all the time and I know it gets me nowhere except cause upset and supporting would be preferable BUT in the real world....

Sit with her and read and make notes. Ask her questions to test her. It makes such a difference when an adult is ‘suffering’ with you (rather than just telling you to study). Give her treats for working. Make sure she knows that you are proud of her for working hard rather than whatever mark she gets.

Revise with her. Read the topics on your own and make a list of questions to ask her. My DS has his yearly exams this month and I am trying to do 2 hours a day with him.

It’s a struggle, though. Because apparently he is going to be a professional skateboarder so doesn’t actually need an education 🤔.