Moving abroad with teenagers

[Toomanykidsneedaholiday]

Hi all,

My husband an I currently have the opportunity to move abroad for a few years. We currently struggle to get by, despite both being in 'professional' jobs, we don't have any spare money to do anything. We don't ever eat out, go for family days out etc because literally ALL our income is used up on bills, food & petrol/travel.

An opportunity has come up for us to move abroad for a fixed term contract which would enable us to save quite significantly so that when (if) we returned to the UK we would be in a much better position. We would also be able to enjoy a better life while doing it!

There are, obviously, many things to consider - missing family members, new cultures etc. But one of the key things is my daughter is currently in year 10 and therefore doing her GCSE's. The move would mean her being educated in a private international school which follow the British curriculum, but is this a terrible idea?

The perfect solution I guess would be to wait a year, but my son would then be in year 10 and so in the exact same position...another 2 years and we would debating moving during A levels. So we are looking at now or 4 years time and I'm not sure we can survive that long financially in our current situation. I am also concerned about the kids welfare as we don't do anything or have many positives in life at the moment, morale is very low in this house.

I have of the opinion that we don't have much to loose, but I'm aware its not me doing the school work etc. and want to respect my children's lives too.

I would like to see what other families think they would do in our position and what people think of moving at a pivotal point in their education!

That is a hard age to move children, they will lose their friends as well as their schooling - does the international school offer the same options that she's already chosen?

I am not a fan of relocating tbh (having done it myself but not internationally!) so I wouldn't be keen if it was me. Have you asked the children if they want to move?

When would the move be? In my limited experience of moving abroad the whole thing took about 6 months to set up - if this is the case your daughter will be half way through year 10 and changing courses and schools could be difficult. It will be just about ok now, but then how long is the fixed term? Would it mean moving back when either your son or your daughter are mid way through a GCSE or A level course? Or would it be long enough to cover your son through his A levels ie at least 5 years? Sounds like you have to think through all the later options too.

Is university on the horizon? Depending where you move to and for how long one or both of them could end up classified as overseas fee payers, with no loan entitlement.

Given their ages, it sounds as if you'd have to commit to being there at least five years - your older one would have to drop down a year, then after that they'd always be in the middle of exam years.

Would they be happy spending five plus years away?

Yeah, we have all discussed it. My son is happy to move, but my daughter understandably is anxious about it.

In terms of friends, they don't socialise at weekends at all at the moment, we aren't able to give them pocket money or anything to enable them to go out and do things. I think they are leading fairly depressing lives really with not much to look forward to. But I am also mindful of taking them 'out of the frying pan and into the fire'.

The school does some GCSE's that are the same, but some would have to be slightly different. I wouldn't be working there (I do here) so I may be able to tutor her to help her I guess.

Could you drop your daughter back a year? That may help her both with her anxiety, she'd be a little more mature than her peer group, and give her a chance to regroup before her GCSEs. International schools often have a more rigerous approach to exam season.
The chance to bolster your finances is massive at this point in your lives, coupled with the opportunities your children will have by being exposed to an international environment would make me grab at this with both hands.

The move would be over the summer, so in time for next September. With regards to the contract, the term is negotiable, so potentially anything from 2-5years.

If it was a 2 year contract, to me it would make sense for my daughter to start the GCSE's again out there, returning when they both are looking at colleges/6th form. If that were the case, I would speak to her current school about reducing her timetable to maybe just complete the GSCE's she wouldn't be able to do there in one year instead (textiles, for example). I know there are plenty of situations where things like this are possible and she then hasn't 'wasted' a year either.

It seems to me that it would have to be that or the of end of the term of 5 years.

I know it is a lot to ask of the children, but I am trying to see the bigger picture in life. This could be a valuable experience for them and a genuine opportunity to better our lives.

I have an older daughter, who has left home and she has told us to go for it 100%. We also have 2 little ones who would be able to have me at home again.

The teenage years are a fragile age and I just don't want to get this wrong for the 2 middle ones!

By their nature, International Schools are used to settling in students moving from abroad. I'm in the Middle East. We moved here when my oldest kids were 8 and 6 and then moved to another country in the region when they were starting Year 7 and Year 9. My neighbour's daughter started in Year 10. Another friend had her daughter drop back a year as they'd moved from the IS where the syllabi's was quite different.

I think the school would only allow your daughter start in Year 10. A Year 11 start would be too risky, although you could homeschool and use an online school if you did want to stick with GCSEs in 2020.

The issue of home status University fees for expat kids is complex but many expat kids are classified as home students. It's not automatically the case that expat British kids pay international fees.

Have you visited the country you'll be moving to? Followed potential schools on FB? Joined local mums FB groups? Connected with other expats who live there? These will give you an insight as to what life will be like. We love it. A small minority don't. It does sound like it could be really positive for your family once you sort out your kids' schooling.

My friend's kid is from the US not the IS 

We are looking at the Dubai/Qatar. Do you mind me asking whereabouts you are evenstrangerthings? I have never been to the region, so its all new to me! My husband worked in Egypt for a couple of years once upon a time, so has a more knowledgeable view of culture etc, but has never been there either. Any advice you can offer would be amazing!

I have looked up the school that they would attend (its the same place my husband would be working).

From your experience, would you say that it isn't crazily uncommon for students to drop back a year then? I don't want my daughter to feel isolated as she would if she dropped back a year in this country...if that makes sense!

Bahrain. And previously in Saudi.

We travel to Dubai regularly and have quite a few friends there too so I have a bit of an insight into Dubai. We've been to Qatar once and know a few who have lived there. UAE and Qatar are very very different from Egypt. Both are modern with lots of expats (UAE is 90% expats).

Both my older kids have had classmates who weren't the right age in their classes. It's not a big deal at all. A classmate of my now 9 year old son repeated year 2 as they were from South Africa (where the school year runs from Jan to Nov) and the parents felt their DD would benefit from another year solidifying her basics and would also be in the correct year for South Africa. Yet another (British) neighbour repeated Year 6.

Thank you,

I've spoken to my daughter and think she would feel better to repeat. My son and her get on very well, so the idea of being in classes with him is actually quite appealing to her!

My next dilemma is to try to work out just how good the salary package actually is. We get a house/living allowance but given your experience, what would a family of 6 realistically need to be bringing home to live comfortably? We don't want to move thinking we will be loaded and end up as skint as we are here!

Thank you for the help, it's hard to find where to get info online!

Search for the ‘two fat expats’ group on Facebook. They will be able to give you exactly the information that you are looking for re costs, salary expectations and schooling. Brilliant group,

I moved mid A levels and repeated lower 6th as the subject choice was too different. Had a great time and wouldn’t have missed the experience. For GCSEs it might be tricker to move down a year, but not moving down might be manageable with tutoring depending on the number of subjects, and would also depend on your daughter, whether she is already young/old for her year group etc.

We have been in a similar situation although I didn't want to move DS1 as he started High School which in hindsight would have been the best time to move.

DS1 is now in Year 9 and has started his GCSE options so we can't really go now.

Whats worked for us (and I appreciate this may not be for everyone) is that DH went to Saudi and we stayed here. We have had lots of lovely holidays in the ME and he has come back here every few months but DC's education has not been disrupted.

My friend who used to live in Dubai recommend the Real Mums FB page as a good place to ask about life in Dubai:

m.facebook.com/realmumsgroup/

In general housing will be the a major consideration. Dubai and Qatar are both quite expensive for housing. If the school are providing housing then make sure you're happy with it. If they give you a housing allowance, make sure it'll cover something that will be comfortable for your family and in a good location.

Thank you, I have joined twofatexpats so will message them to see if they can offer advice.

If you are thinking of Dubai I wouldn't come at this point unless you are sure of job security

People lose their jobs all the time and you need a job to get a visa. Plus school fees - who will pay that? With no savings I wouldn't risk Dubai given the age your kids are (the teenagers)

This is also an expensive place to live and not one you want to be with little money

We are a family of 5:
Rent 230,000aed per year
School fees 225,000 Aed per year
Utilities approx 3000aed a month
Food - approx 4-5000aed a month

These are just basic costs

On top of that you need health insurance for the whole family

Also, really good to hear your experiences crumpet, I have been reading responses with my daughter, so this has helped her, thank you.

Joined Realmumsgroup too...thank you!

If you are both teachers and you get education included for the kids pls accommodation, health insurance, utilities for the whole family - then you may be better off here

Here means Dubai

You need an income of at least the equivalent of £200k unless you can get an expat package with health care, school fees and house/apartment included.

Have you looked at other less drastic options such as adding in some tutoring, or marking for the exam boards. Either ( or both ) could generate quite a bit of spare income for yoj.

Have you considered sending your daughter to a non-British International school? GCSEs are an important stepping stone for A-levels but if you are committed to a 5 year stay then maybe you could send her to an IB school ? IB is accepted at universities in the UK and overseas and is a rigorous, good quality qualification.

My best friend moved overseas in similar circumstances (many years ago now but still relevant). Her brother had just done one year of GCSEs. From what I can remember they held him back a year so he could restart them out there. It made no difference in the long run as he was young for his year (August birthday). They ended up both doing IB instead of A-Levels and ended up in better universities than most of the kids at our school that they left behind.

I have another friend who relocated to the far east a few years ago. The children were going to board but instead they opted for the international school (in Kuala Lumpur) which offered IB but interestingly enough not GCSEs. In effect both children missed their GCSEs and then went straight into the IB programme when they were 16/17. Both completed IB and did very well - one is at Durham university and the other at Bristol. The Universities didn't seem to care that they had in effect "missed" their GCSEs. I think it can be a great experience but you just need to be sure that you are able to stay out there and "see if through" so they don't mess up their education. In the latter scenario if the family had been forced to come home earlier then they kids would have been really messed up. The other thing you need to keep in your mind is whether or not your children would still qualify as "home" students when they return to the UK for university as some universities are quite happy to try and sting you for higher fees as you are classified as "overseas/non resident".