Yr 7 boy friendships

[Jeezoh]

Can anyone shed any light on what is “normal” with yr7 boys and their friendships? My ds started his new secondary this term and didn’t know any other kids from his primary. He is mentioning boys he chats to in lessons and at clubs but is sometimes alone at lunchtime and break and I’m not sure how he will move on from chatting to them at school to becoming “proper” friends. When I make suggestions about inviting someone over to play on the Xbox, he tells me that’s not what secondary kids do. I guess I’m asking how do they develop friendships where they do stuff outside school, or even make arrangements to meet up at lunchtimes etc?

Writing that down makes me sound a bit odd I think! I guess I’m asking for reassurance that it can take time for boys to develop friendships!

I have a shy ds and it is hard if they don't make the first steps. I think my son fears a rebuff. In Year 7, I still arranged the odd get together but now a lot of socialising is done through gaming. Ds does have friends from his old school though and we have neighbours too with boys his age so they get together in the holidays.

(DS now in Y10)

DS struggled in Y7 despite having lots of primary school friends as none of them were in his class. It took him a good few months to make friends with a couple of other boys in his class (also the ones without any other friends, partly out of desperation!). At lunch times he did hang out with old primary friends and get to know their new friends. It did all seem to be pretty relaxed - it would be totally fine, for example, for your DS just to go and sit with some others he knew at lunchtime.

In these days of social media a lot of "getting to know each other" is conducted online.

There was also a lot of "hanging out" after school (either literally outside school, or in the local park). This seems to be very much a case of "you talk to whoever is there". Plus on-line gaming (you don't invite someone round to play XBox, you play them online).

Going to someone's house only seems to happen after they've done something else first (e.g. it's ok to hang around in the park and then go back to X's house, but not to plan to go round X's house).
The concept of "play dates" as you might have had in primary doesn't really exist - there's a much more fluid flow of DC through the house, and we very rarely have anyone over for meals.

My experience anyway! Some of this I suspect is down to geography (i.e. how easy it is for DC to get between places).

Thanks both, that’s really helpful. I suspected I was out of step with how secondary children interact!

I'm sorry I'm no help but I'm very interested in replies.

My ds is in year 6, we had very few play dates in primary school, I don't really know why because his teachers say he's popular and I know he's sociable.

I'm worried about him making friends in year 7, based on primary school friends vs location.

You got the gaming suggestion almost right. You need to ask him if he's got people from school as PlayStation/Xbox Friends. They shout at each other through headsets and bond like that.

In secondary school, meet up locations are places like McDonalds, Park etc (depends on what your area is like obviously) If a friend comes round it's to pick up something specific,a sleepover or because you are driving the 2 lads somewhere.

Same here, no friends come to our house though they occasionally drift round to game in other people's. Friending is playing footie at school and texting/gaming at home. They don't seem to be organised enough to make their own plans so if you can befriend a friend's parent at parent evening you can make the occasional arrangement for them at first.