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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Is it too early to be considering moving secondary school?

14 replies

Keepkondoing · 30/09/2018 20:58

DS is in yr 7 and is very unhappy and wants to move schools.
He has no real friends and the few friends he did start with are being mean and laughing at him over something he did when he was in infants (nothing major, can’t believe it’s been brought up or even remembered to be honest). A couple of boys that were his friends also seem to be being heavy handed, trying to drag him to places he doesn’t want to go.
He also said he doesn’t like the feel of the place, doesn’t like the teachers, said the atmosphere is horrible and wishes he went somewhere else - all could caused by the fact he doesn’t have friends to enjoy it with of course.
We picked the school because we liked it and thought it best for him but it is a bit of a love it or hate it school and I’ve heard lots of stories of kids leaving because they hate it, also many loving it.

How long should we give it before we say it’s the wrong school? I know it’s early days and my gut says wait it out, get the teachers involved and it will improve but on the other hand he’s crying every day and why wait and put him through this? Although who’s to say he won’t hate the other school!

OP posts:

CaramelAngel · 30/09/2018 21:02

I think I'd move him. It sounds horrible. I've got a dd in year 7 and an older one both at the local comp and it shouldn't be like that.

DinkyDaisy · 01/10/2018 06:33

Have you spoken to his form tutor?
Send an email explaining everything and take it from there.
School need to be aware to offer support.
Year 7 can be tricky...

exLtEveDallas · 01/10/2018 06:46

DD hated High School for the first 6 or 7 weeks. Too much homework, friendships failing, no 'play' time, everything rushed and harsh. We had tears most nights and screaming rows often. She was a completely different child (and I posted a similar thread to you )

She got better after the first half term and by Xmas was absolutely fine. She's now Year 9, into GCSE classes without most of her friends and barely comments about it (although we seem to be hitting 'Wendy' territory at the moment which I understand is completely normal for 13\14 year old girls).

I would give it at least until Oct break, and then maybe start 'causually' looking rather than making a big thing of it. If he is still really unhappy then maybe it's not the school for him. But from speaking to teacher friends this is quite normal for Year 7s.

Original poster

Keepkondoing · 01/10/2018 06:51

Thanks, I’ve emailed the form tutor and head of year, hoping to hear back today and maybe that will be the start of it improving.
He’s always loved school so it’s been a shock to see him like this. I initially told him 6 months, but now I’m thinking Oct break makes more sense if it’s still really awful.
He’s going in today with a different strategy, and he said he will speak to his teacher too.

OP posts:

RedSkyLastNight · 01/10/2018 08:02

Does he have an actual idea of where the "somewhere else" is that he would like to go? Or is it just voting general displeasure at where he is.

It took my DS easily until February of Year 7 to find his feet at school and make new friends (he did move up with nearly all his primary school friends but they ended up in different classes so he only saw them at lunch times). He'd expected just to fit in, and not doing so knocked his confidence for six. he ended up making friends with the other 2 boys in his class that didn't really have any friends, and then getting to know others from other classes via clubs - has your DS joined any?? Way too early to think about moving IMO - I'd give it until at least Christmas.

Original poster

Keepkondoing · 01/10/2018 09:40

He does, and I think that is clouding his sense of judgement at the moment a little. He has good friends at the other school and they all seem to be having an amazing time. I’m waiting for the school to get back to me and I think how the school help him will give me an idea at least of how it will go.
His confidence is knocked which is making him worry about clubs, I’m trying to convince him to at least give some a go though as I know this will be a great way to make some friends.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 01/10/2018 09:58

id move him. I would tell him its his only move though, and you wont be doing it every time theres an issue, and that he needs to be prepared that there will be things he doesnt like in every school

Original poster

Keepkondoing · 01/10/2018 10:13

I’ve said exactly that. Thing is he sticks to stuff, he’s not usually whingy, will get on with it, work through problems and understands life doesn’t always go his way. So this is unusual for him.
I’m still not sure what to do, this week will be the first that his teachers are aware of the situation so I’ll know fairly soon if the school are willing to help him to solve it. If things are not looking up by half term I’ll definitely look at moving him.

OP posts:

CaramelAngel · 01/10/2018 10:46

I think the kids laughing at him and being mean/dragging him where he doesn't want to go would ring alarm bells with me. Especially as he previously loved school.

Laura0806 · 01/10/2018 11:11

Do you know if there is space in the other school? Sounds like you are doing all the right things. I think the teachers response to this will help you make your decision. Its important for your son to know that you have heard him and will move him if it doesn't improve but that you are seeing what can be done to make it better first. Secondary school is a massive step. It took my eldest a year to settle down-now he would not hear of moving. However they never said they didn't like 'the feel of the school'. It was more they hadn't found the right friendships yet. Keeping the channels of communication open with your son is the main thing-talking about it and him seeing you are trying to find solutions but will move him if things don't improve. Good luck with it

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/10/2018 11:33

I would ask at the other school to see if they have a place. If not ask to go on the waiting list.

I’m not saying move him now. I’d probably wait until Christmas and see how he’s getting on. But its worth finding out early how hard it would be to get a place at the different school.

montenuit · 01/10/2018 12:06

i agree with PP. See if moving him is even an option first.

Myshinynewname · 08/10/2018 11:32

If there is a space available at the other school and it seems a better fit I would move him. What if you wait and then the space goes?
If he moved soon it surely would be easier for him to make new friends before the friendship groups all settle down. I’m usually all for letting them see things through but it sounds like he is being bullied already and he sounds miserable.

Bingolingo · 08/10/2018 12:25

If he has friends at the other school and he’s normally someone who sticks things out I’d be seriously considering moving him. I think the earlier the better if it’s really as bad as it sounds there for him as it will allow him to settle in better at the new school.

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