Stressing over upcoming 11+

[lovely123]

Hi,

I am a first time 11+ mum and DD is top of the class for everything in primary so we decided together that she should go for it, we decided this in Jan 2018, so we have had 8 months of gentle preparation.
However, I am now panicking as I have been hearing of some children having tutors 2/3 times a week.
I guess I am just after some reassurance from any other parents whose children have gone through the 11+ process and what kind of marks were they getting on practice papers? We do a variety of Bond, CGP, Letts and she has done the Sutton Grammar mock which was super hard and she was about midway in comparison to rest of the cohort.
Also any advice on the types of comprehension/writing tasks that have come up in the last few years, I know they will not be the same but just feel so blind to it all and want to reassure my DD that she is ready.
We are looking at Nonsuch High in Sutton for her.

Appreciate any words of wisdom from experienced parents out there.
Thanksx

I'm an 11+ tutor. Stop panicking now and stop comparing! The kids who've had endless tutoring sessions and mock tests are (in my experience) close to breaking point. It sounds like your daughter is naturally very bright and that she will be familiar with all aspects of the test. She will sense your panic, so don't let it show. You have been doing exactly the right thing.

ALso regarding the types of questions etc you might find the elevenplusexams forum useful.

www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/11plus/viewforum.php?f=30

Thanks rillette - I am not showing her any panic, I also try not to talk about it every 5 mins but what made me a bit nervous was when I found out how much work other kids had done, we do about 2 practice papers a week and reading.

Thanks for the link too.

We are at the same situation but our entrance exams 11+ in the next year.
There are plenty of situation where children were tutored hard and did not get places. But hard is not everything. Kids should be no only tutored well either at a learning centre, private tutor or at home but, they must to want to study.
Both of my friends trained their DC at the same tutor. One got the place, other not. The difference - other child just did not want to put more effort, even if parents paid for the two lessons per week. When the first kid spent his time with a book, other with an iPad. And of course at the end parents blamed the tutor not themselves.
I do tutoring myself and said my DS that we will try and if we loose it is ok. We know that is difficult (child will sit 11+ exams at five schools and three tests at part-selective schools). Any way it is better than not to try and go to schools nearby with a poor Ofsted reports and bad exam results.
Best of luck to your daughter 🤞😊

What a dreadful life these over tutored children have! OP - honestly don’t do more. Extend her general knowledge, go places and do things. That’s all good prep. General knowledge is always useful. A good vocabulary is important. Puzzles and problem solving helps. Obviously maths and other reasoning skills are important if tested but don’t knock the joy of learning out of her. Just think of different ways to bring out her intelligence.

I always remember my cleaner’s DD who went to our local grammar. No- one in her family knew the opposite of Oriental when it came up on the 11 plus paper. The DD didn’t either. She had no tutoring. Would the 2 hours a week tutored children know the answer? Probably not. However she got over the 121 pass mark and it didn’t matter! You only need to know enough. Few know everything.

Thank you, thank you!

I needed some of this rational reasoning, I know over tutoring is not the answer but I guess you begin to feel paranoid when you hear things, mainly because I do not want my DD to be at any disadvantage as a result, if she gets in great, if she does not then that is also fine, at least she tried her best.
Now I will just chill, we watched some informative fun videos last night on youtube and it was fun and I think we both learned a thing or 2.

Not sure what region you are in OP if it's Bucks we've had a whole new set of changes this year so no one is 100% sure what to expect. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and keeping a gentle approach really helps with their nerves. I'd recommend speed work this close to the exams as she'll need to work very quickly on the day. Good luck.

It is such a difficult thing. Hours of tutoring (paid or parent) a week feels a lot. And you shouldn’t compare. A friend of mine’s DD went to an independent school where her child has about 30 mins to an hour of homework a day. She does 11+ VR and NVR in school for all of Y5 and the first term of Y6 because the school wants the prep girls to pass into the senior school. My kids school gives no homework and does no VR and NVR. Yet she tells me that we have different priorities for our kids because I have a tutor for my DD (e.g. i’m Pushy mum and she is laid back mum). It is a messy unfair system but ultimately, it is down to the parent to try and make the right decisions for our kids. We mostly just want them to be in the environment which will make them happiest, I guess.

some children having tutors 2/3 times a week.

OP I think it's far worse than that...some kids are tutored from yr 3, perhaps even earlier!

I also have a DC who will be sitting 2 different 11+ exams next week. I have tried to be relaxed and only started to focus on the material from Jan. My dc is naturally bright and gets bored if not challenged however I think the kids who have been tutored for 2/3 yrs + for several nights a wk will inevitably be ahead...but what has their childhood been like?

Anyone good luck to everyone doing the 11+... hope it turns out well.

DD had no tutoring just Bond etc and was getting 80-85%. Passed for Birmingham grammars and to selective indy. Thats from a state comp that didn't even cover whole 11+ syllabus let alone do any NVR etc.

Tralala... is that the trafford exams by any chance? If so, how has your DC been doing? My DNephew has been getting 60-80% in his papers with the tutor (once a week!) mostly around the 65% mark. Do you think that's enough? We are being v cool and stress free around him... but I'm glad his DPs aren't pushing him more.

There was a series recently about children preparing for 11+. Think the grammar was called Townley. There were kids who had had tuition for years and did hours of preparation each evening who failed and a girl who had just done work books from Smiths, no tuition, who got in. So natural ability did seem to shine through in that case.

Berries. Yes, I found the programme on Townley quite heartbreaking. Some lovely children who felt a failure because they didn't pass the entrance test.

OP, my DD passed all 11+ tests she took. No tutoring and a few Bond type books bought by me. If the child is bright and engaged with the idea of the challenge of the tests, she will be fine. Just make sure she and you are familiar with the way the testing is done - split papers that are timed etc. Get lots of sleep in days before and keep it calm on the day, because a lot of parents and children will be stressed waiting in that queue.

Good luck.