Bad first day at secondary school - advice please!

[minky5]

DS just came in crying, saying that nobody talked to him (he knows quite a few other kids but they seemed to have formed cliques), his friends from primary ignored him and that everyone seems much bigger and more mature than him (he is short for his age).

He is a very sweet and kind hearted boy and it breaks my heart to see him like this. He is normally quite resilient and was really looking forward to starting secondary and was so excited. How can I reassure him? I have told him that everyone is nervous on their first day and that people can be cliquey because they want to feel safe but he is so down.

I hope your DS is settling in and is feeling happier with his new friends. It is an awful thing to go through, but it does help build up resilience for the future.

Wanting to go to the same school as friends is, justifiably, seen as being important when changing schools, it is worthwhile noting that it I should not necessarily guaranteed to avoid any problems.

The school may have split children from the same primary school, so that they don't stay together as a clique, but rather they are forced to mix with the other pupils. At DS's school everyone was allocated a form but everyone was also in sets and DS only saw some of his form at registration or when they has a PSHE lesson. Unsurprisingly he made friends with the people with whom he had his lessons, especially those that he shared three or four subject classes with, as it was easier to strike up a conversation with them, as you could talk about the homework or other things to do with the class. DS was the only child to go to his secondary school from his primary. He had a few embryonic friendships that came to nothing. A lot of y7's will be sussing each other out at this stage and working out who they should hang around with. It may well be that real friendships don't really start until after the October half term. Try and stay positive about the situation, they all find their feet eventually.

How is he coping OP?
My DS1 is having a really hard time of it. Not about making friends. I think he's just completely overwhelmed by everything - getting up early, the new journey he has to make, the size of the school, the crowds on the train meaning he won't sit next to his friend from primary (he can't cope with noisy crowds and his friend sits with his older sister and all her friends) so he's on his own, the timetable, lockers, homework, swipecards, train tickets, everything.

He's been in tears since he started Wednesday. Luckily his school support officer is on the case and has been in touch with me to give me updates. (He was feeling 'sick' this morning so she took him out of class and talked and he had some extra food and she explained some stuff to him that he was confused about)

I'm really hoping it improves because I can't bear seeing him in such a state. He's a big lad and looks about 15 but he's quite immature and has been pretty sheltered in life, so its a massive adjustment (as it is for them all)

sympathys to those that are experiencing this

i admit this was my biggest fear but at the moment seems to be doing ok,ive explained it will take a couple of months to get use to the change etc

im sure in time things will settle for your dc's it must be upsetting all round,just wanted to say really feel for you in this situation all round