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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

To move dd school during yr 10? (school cant cope with mental health)

27 replies

silverflowers · 28/08/2018 15:37

My dd is going into year 10. She plateaued in year 9 when her mental health got worse and all her grades went down. She is very gifted but couldn't cope with the pressure and is on a camhs waiting list for therapy for anxiety and depression. Her school can't see the link between her poor mental health and her bad grades and are also refusing to let her see their counsellor as they don't know how to help her. dd was also moved to the middle set as her teachers told us that her mental health can't be the reason her grades are going down (bearing in mind my dd has been on the gifted and talented list for years and got 100% in her 11+ (clearly brighter than me and my husband haha)). Her school isn't supporting us and has been known to make her resit tests when she got an A. I don't know what to do with her because she can't cope at this school but I don't know how to move her during her gcse courses (she started them in year 9).

OP posts:

LemonBreeland · 28/08/2018 15:41

It's not ideal to move mid GCSE learning, but she is clearly not going to get her best GCSEs at that school, so it seems moving her is the best option.

It may mean she can't do all of the same courses though, since they may not fit with a different schools timetable. But if your DD is gifted and talented and is at a school with good pastoral care she could start something new and still do well.

LIZS · 28/08/2018 15:42

Not all schools start gcses in year 9, but it might mean redoing some work. If the stress is affecting her attainment perhaps being in lower sets could ease some of the pressure, assuming she is up to attending.

BPenelope96 · 28/08/2018 15:46

I moved from a school down the road to a boarding school 2 hours away at the start of year 10 - best thing I ever did.

There were some bits I had to re-do and didn't quite translate from school to school and I had to re-pick my options (this worked for the better as my old school wasn't letting me do the subjects I wanted to) but nothing earth-shattering. And as I say, the best thing that happened to me!

DunesOfSand · 28/08/2018 15:54

Better to move her now than wait a year, and try to move Y11.
Which schools near you have spaces? That may affect your decision.

Grasslands · 28/08/2018 17:03

Is there a way she could do her schooling from home? I don’t see how the school environment is helpful at all.

Sadik · 28/08/2018 17:13

I don't know how your finances are, but I know there are people on here whose dc are doing GCSEs via online schooling - often because of anxiety / other MH issues & finding it works well.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 28/08/2018 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 28/08/2018 17:39

If you’re going to do it then you need to do it as soon as humanly possible. Much later and she will not only have a new school to settle into, but loads of work to catch up on.

If her mental health is at risk from the pressure at her current school, that’s not going to get any better and likely to get worse throughout Y10 and 11.

Sorry that her current school have been so unhelpful.

W0rriedMum · 28/08/2018 19:27

Is this a grammar or independent?

If independent, I would move her immediately. It sounds like many of the hothouses who don't want to acknowledge mental health issues because it is bad for their reputation. They will stonewall all attempts to have the issue acknowledged.

If it's a state grammar, kick back a bit and threaten to involve governors, local council, etc. Throw their own policies at them.. You can force help to happen more easily than at an independent that doesn't want to play ball.

On the G&T side though, some kids do plateau.. I'm not saying that is what happened here, but it's a possibility that you should remain open to. She may feel under pressure to perform when she just can't. Knowing that's the least of your worries is important.

Original poster

silverflowers · 28/08/2018 21:33

Yes it's a grammar school. I have considered taking her out of school but me and my husband both work full time. She did seem to plateau a bit but I think as the pressure grew on her her mental health has become too much and her school don't seem to understand and aren't helping. She's not happy where she is and even though she's got good friends she can't even leave the house much and school should be a place of enjoyment, not something she hates.

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Original poster

silverflowers · 28/08/2018 21:36

and @originalsaltedpeanuts , essentially the counsellor told us a year ago she didn't know how to help, told us to get a camhs referral and refused to see her again. she gave her a few weeks with a charity that came in but that only lasted a month and they got nowhere. We got no help from the school getting a camhs referral, so it took us a year to get it as the school wouldn't give proof of her issues. one teacher dd opened up to tried to get the counsellor to see her apparently, but she didn't. camhs have put her on a long waiting list for therapy and school are refusing to do anything and still blaming my dd for her poor results.

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elkiedee · 29/08/2018 13:22

Are you in a grammar school area where nearly everyone is sorted through selective exams, or one where there are just a few grammar schools and so comprehensives are likely to be more genuinely mixed ability? I would hope that not all grammar schools are like this but your dd's school may care more about grades than pastoral care.

I think you also need to prioritise and look for a school which prioritises her mental health. I worry from reading this not that your dd is to blame for her grades, but worrying about grades may be affecting her mental health, among other things. From what you say, there is a problem with the school being supportive.

I wouldn't assume that just being in the middle set of a selective grammar school is the end for her, presumably middle sets are still on course to do very well.

Original poster

silverflowers · 29/08/2018 15:55

Yes everyone in our area goes through the grammar school system, there's about six of them I think @elkiedee . There is one that a few girls in dds school have left to that prioritises pastoral care a lot more that I am considering. And yes, the middle set in a grammar school is still amazing and the children in my dds school have an ability i definitely don't so I'm impressed whatever set she's in, but it's the fact that her school thinks it's okay to move her down (despite knowing that this has lowered her self esteem and made classes harder as she's with girls she's never been in lessons with before) because they refuse to accept that her mental health is affecting her results and are blaming my dd. I want her to leave and even thought she doesn't like the school she has friends and gets attached to the school and I don't want to ruin that for her.

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CaptSkippy · 29/08/2018 16:14

A different school can make all the difference for your daughter. Perhaps a change in her current school's environment is part of the reason she has plateaued. Furthermore, even if she can't catch up in the new school, but her mental health improves, would redoing a year be so bad in the grand scheme of things? It's only a year after all.

How does she feel about the idea of moving schools?

elkiedee · 29/08/2018 16:44

silverflowers, do you know if the alternative school you're looking at has started GCSE work?

Original poster

silverflowers · 29/08/2018 16:53

She is open to the idea, and I think she knows it could be the best thing for her, but even though she hates her current school with a passion, she worked hard to get there and she's attached, but I feel like she would move @CaptSkippy

@elkiedee no they haven't. They've only started english and maths afaik, so dd could definitely catch up, but she would have to change some of her options.

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Oratory1 · 29/08/2018 17:01

My DD moved at half term of year 10 and had to change an option and carry on one subject as private study as the new school didn't do it. It was the best thing we ever did. She was so much happier and flourished academically because she was happier. She was bright so caught up anything she had missed very easily but the teachers were very supportive and helpful so you may want to check the new school is supportive of the move and would help identify and catch up what has been missed.

CaptSkippy · 29/08/2018 17:05

silverflowers from what you post it sounds like a move might be the best thing for her. Being attached is understandable if she had to work hard to get into this one, but it's a phenomenon known as "sunk costs" I belief. We have a tendency to stick with something much longer if we have spend more effort on it but is ultimately not worth it.

It is usually applied to money decisions, but we can get just as attached to anything we spend a lot of time and energy on:

www.lifehacker.com.au/2010/06/recognise-sunk-costs-to-cut-stress-and-financial-losses/

Grasslands · 29/08/2018 19:43

i agree that her mental health should be a priority over grades. if she doesn't like the school (despite having worked hard to attend) it's not worth it.

Grasslands · 29/08/2018 21:15

silverflowers, i just read your other post inquiring about westminster.
how are you coping with your daughters condition and her being in the middle set?

Original poster

silverflowers · 29/08/2018 21:26

Thank you, I'm going to see what she thinks a bit more and if school isn't working when she goes back I will probably try and move her, she deserves to go to a school that supports her but I'm not sure how she will cope with losing friends.

@captskippy thank you, that link is actually really helpful and I think I'll show it to my dd too.
@grasslands sorry I didn't think it was important to mention but I've got three girls, they're quite a handful and yes one looking at westminster probably isn't helping my dd's mental health either to see her flourishing so well.

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LIZS · 29/08/2018 21:31

If you are seriously considering moving her, do so asap rather than wait and see until mid gcse. Is this not the same child as is/was g and t and a potential candidate for Westminster 6th form?

Astronotus · 30/08/2018 09:06

silverflowers. The sentence in your posts that worries me is "school are refusing to do anything and still blaming my dd for her poor results". You state a number of times that school are "blaming" your child. This is a nonsense, what a dreadful school. Get on the phone to other schools you're interested in and please do consider non-grammars. Bright DC can excel in a more mixed environment and the pastoral care may be much better. It is quite possible to move into year 10 as long as you can manage the "catch up" on English and Maths. Many schools don't start GCSE work until year 10. Your difficulty now is finding a school with a place available. Don't delay.

Astronotus · 30/08/2018 09:12

silverflowers. I've just read your post on the Westminster thread. I am assuming you have twins or triplets as you say there that your child is about to go into year 10 and keen on Westminster. Are we to take it you have twins? If not, then looking at the mh issues of your DD is the most important issue first.

Original poster

silverflowers · 30/08/2018 11:59

@astronotus yes twins and a girl about to go into year 9, so all very close in age. I do feel sorry for my dd no. 2 because her sister does seem to get more attention what with struggling with her mental health so I'm trying to support her in the ambitions she's got but it's hard.

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