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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Child freaking out and now wants to be homeschooled !!! HELP

25 replies

silky1985 · 04/08/2018 09:02

my child keeps freaking out about high school, she does not want to go wants to be home-schooled. I am not smart enough to teach her i know that much. What help is there for kids freaking out about going into senior school?
I am worried that she is going to have some sort of break down if i make her go (not that i think i can ) but i do think its best for her to go. HELP

OP posts:

ragged · 04/08/2018 09:08

what is she unhappy about at school, you need to be specific. How old?

Original poster

silky1985 · 04/08/2018 09:11

she is 11 and she hates the school as she thinks its run down, does not like that she only has one person from her school in her class. its too big and she feels uncomfortable (only been there once )she is worried she is going to get lost and does not know what is happening . Of course i have tried to help her with her fears but its not working

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 04/08/2018 09:15

She needs to give it a few terms, secondary schools can be pretty horrible environments but she could cope better than she thinks.

Original poster

silky1985 · 04/08/2018 09:19

if i could get her there without having a breakdown i would, thats the issue i am having she will not go and keeps crying and screaming

OP posts:

Funnybunnydog · 04/08/2018 09:21

A lot of kids are nervous about starting secondary school. Do you have details of who her tutor will be or head of year 7? If so contact them by email even if they dont see it until the first day at least they will know how worried she is. The school is normally open for teacher training a few days before the kids go back you could phone them or pop down on these days and see if you can talk to them. They will have come across similar before and have a plan to help her settle.

Funnybunnydog · 04/08/2018 09:24

Are you in the UK? She has weeks left until she starts why is she crying and screaming about it now? Do people keep going on about it? Let her have her holidays without constant reminders of starting school in September, keep her busy with other things. Did she not show any similar behaviours on induction day? Has someone said something about the school to start this off?

lljkk · 04/08/2018 09:25

Crying & screaming is not typical nerves. Did she have rotten time in primary school? Does she have any mates, especially any mates going to the secondary?

SnuggyBuggy · 04/08/2018 09:35

Are none of her friends going to the same school? They usually try and put some friends in the same form group, could they consider moving her to another form group?

Original poster

silky1985 · 04/08/2018 09:36

she does have some friends that are going to the school but not in her class, she had a hard time settling into primary school but years 5 and 6 were great for her. the school has given me no details about who her tutor is going to be. i have told her that she will start in the school with only year 7s and then later in the day the other children will arrive. She can be very volatile and emotional about things she does not want to do or does not like.

OP posts:

Funnybunnydog · 04/08/2018 09:39

The school may not have told you who her tutor would be but your DD would have found out in her induction day. They dont stay in the same class all day so will probably still have some lessons with her friends or see them at lunch and break time.

FrancisCrawford · 04/08/2018 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhilODox · 04/08/2018 09:40

Are there any other children going that you know who she could meet up with over summer?

lljkk · 04/08/2018 09:40

That's a shame school has given you so little info. DC1 had secondary school that told us nothing about form tutor so I never even met them. A different school (DC2-3) told us everything from induction evening onwards about tutor, including email for them (which I have used on occasion).

Especially If she's volatile, my gut feeling is Tell her that something being difficult is NOT a reason not to do it. She CAN do this, even if it seems scary. Moreover, she NEEDS to do this b/c we all need small challenges in life to build our confidence & prove to ourselves that we can succeed at scary things. Good luck.

Original poster

silky1985 · 04/08/2018 09:51

its quite weird she does not seem to contact her friends that much or go out with them even though we live opposite a park .

I am trying not to bring up the subject of school as it upsets her but i do have to buy uniform soon so that could be another issue. I keep her busy in the holidays but she seems to be overthinking it a lot.

i will involve my family as well to help so that she has a good support system and i might try some CBT activities on her to give her some confidence

thank you for you advice

OP posts:

Soursprout · 04/08/2018 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bekabeech · 04/08/2018 17:19

I would contact the school and warn them discreetly that she is having a major wobble. The Head of year 7/transition will be well used to it.
I would also contact any "helpful" children you know also going and get her to see them over the vacation.
And finally I wouldn't react. Just change the subject. Deal with any specific worries. But move on to other things, and distract her.

Lots of students get very nervous before starting year 7. Most of them settle in very well after the first few weeks. These summer nerves on their own are not enough reason to home school. (Although HE can be great.)

Bekabeech · 04/08/2018 17:20

Oh and there will be people in school over the summer.

MarchingFrogs · 04/08/2018 18:04

Do you know the parents of the other girls going from your DD's school well enough to suggest to one or two of them that you make the uniform-buying trip into a day out, with lunch or milkshakes or something? I organised a day out with DS2 and one of his friends - swimming, lunch, uniform shop. I was actually getting the friend's uniform (long story) , for a different school, not DS2's, as we had enough hand-me-downs from DS1, but a good time was had by all. Admittedly, though, both boys were happy with their respective schools and neither had any particular wobbles about 'moving up'.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/08/2018 18:10

It's pretty poor that they haven't put any of her friends in her class. I don't blame her for being upset but I think you are right to be trying to encourage a support system.

SofiaAmes · 04/08/2018 18:15

Is there not mental health support available in the schools there? Here in California, I would suggest going to the school and getting an IEP that includes mental health support and perhaps starting with a part time schedule that includes some electives that she likes. Unfortunately, I realize that that type of flexibility is not readily available in the UK. Perhaps there is an alternative school that can provide it. Otherwise if you do home school, you don't actually have to teach her yourself. There are lots of amazing online options and you can bring in/hire support for the subjects that she may need extra help in. I do want to point out that this type of schooling is not for everyone and she will need to be a very motivated child who is extremely interested in learning for it to work.

Bekabeech · 04/08/2018 20:13

There is mental health support in schools but this is not necessarily that serious yet. Also whilst you don't have to be highly educated to HE, it is a big commitment and not straightforward if you want to get UK qualifications and not something to rush into over "wobbles" that might well disappear when she actually starts secondary.

My DC all much preferred Secondary to Primary in the end.

SofiaAmes · 04/08/2018 20:39

Bekabeech this may not be "that serious yet" but the best time to get support in is before it's serious not afterwards. I agree that HE is a big commitment, but did want to make sure that the OP understands that there are options out there. I think that the scariest part of having a child with mild/moderate anxiety and/or severe mental health issues (I have one of each) is not knowing what your options are.

A few months ago, my ds got accidentally hit in the head with a large stick/log (depends on who is telling the story) and needed 8 stitches. The school nurse was very worried that I would freak out about the incident and I had to explain to her, that an "illness" with a finite obvious solution (clean the wound, stitch it up, replace bandage periodically) is so much less stressful than how to deal with "your child is curled up in the corner with a panic attack, how would you like us to handle this?" or "your child is telling us that he's hearing voices, how would you like us to handle this?"

I tried to convince both my dc's to be home schooled....neither was the least bit interested, although interestingly, because the system is so much more flexible here, they ended up creating their own schedules which made school manageable within their Mental Health (and academic) needs. Ds actually left school at 15 and is now at Vocational School, part time, studying Audio Engineering.

DD went to a very small specialist private school for Middle School (year 6 and 7) as her anxiety was way too high to manage our local state school. And after two years of working out some of her biggest anxieties, she came home one day and said "mom I'm done with Middle School (and middle school girls) and I'm ready to go to High School next year." So she actually ended up going into the performing arts magnet at our local huge (3000 students) state high school at age 12. And now at 15 has decided to stay in High School but is taking all her academic classes at 2 different local Community Colleges, and Ceramics, Photography and Recording Club at her High School.

In both cases my dc's needed to explore their creative interests and excel at them which helped them cope with the rest of life.

Bekabeech · 04/08/2018 22:27

I have a lot of experience of mental health issues and the British system.* *
It is very normal for children to have a "wobble" at this point in the year before starting senior school. Especially if they are the eldest and/or have had a bad experience in the past. The OPs dd does not sound as if she is having a mental health crisis - in which case she should go to her GP or A and E depending on how severe.

SofiaAmes · 05/08/2018 01:10

I agree, the OP's dd does not sound as if she is having a mental health crisis. However, that does not mean that she is not in need of mental health support.

Bekabeech · 05/08/2018 09:14

The OPs child will not get help on the NHS. She will probably get help and support at her new school. But she needs to get there.

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