If you had a bright but dreamy 10-year-old a few years ago, what kind of schooling did you choose for them and how did it work out?

[elevenfuss]

DD is about to go into year 6. We are in an area of London where various selective states are a possibility. We are also now in the very fortunate position that we can afford private schooling.

We have not done any consistent prep for the 11+ (partly my lack of organisation, partly DD's lack of drive). I think I've decided, as of today, that it is not worth her sitting the 11+ test for the grammars. The competition, I now realise, is immense and I don't think she's in with a chance unless I really start to push her and my instinct is that she wouldn't respond well to that. I recently visited a local mixed comprehensive that I really liked, much more than the grammars that we have also visited (we haven't looked around any private schools yet). It would be a short walk each day, is friendly, she'd know people there. My one concern is that in a large non-selective school, it will be a lot easier for her to coast academically without anyone noticing. Also, having gone to a girls' school myself, I have a slight bias towards single sex education for girls - I can imagine DD being a lot less likely to put her hand up in a mixed class, not choosing physics because it's predominantly boys etc But I'm quite willing to accept that these are all my personal prejudices and need to be got over!

She's the kind of kid that, on a good day in a quiet room with no distractions will score very highly in a test. She's strong on maths and music (has a high distinction at grade 5) and is really creative, loves art, singing etc However, we all know that real life is not a quiet room with no distractions and she can perform really badly if she's not focused or, conversely, feels under too much pressure.

So basically, I'd love to hear from those with older kids who were dreamy at this age, how they turned out and what kind of secondary environment they thrived in?

I don't think I have any hang-ups about what kind of school she goes to. As I say, we can afford private but from a community perspective I would I think prefer to send her to a state school, I'm not totally anti private though. I just want her to be happy, thrive and reach her potential, whatever that is.

Any advice gratefully received.

Afterthought: said 10YO is quite a young 10 in many ways. On one hand, she's been lucky enough to do a lot of travel and have lots of interesting experiences, meet plenty of different types of people. But she's quite
daunted by impending puberty and still very much into primary school pursuits (as I type, she's upstairs having an impromptu Potter Polyjuice Party in her room with a couple of friends), loves dogs and teddies, no smart phone or interest yet in having one.

Hopeful pre-bed bump…

Is she naturally hard-working or does she need to be pushed? Or a bit of both, depending on the subject?

I’d say, currently, not a natural hard worker! There are exceptions: if she really wants something eg she wanted to do well in her music exam at the start of the year and therefore practised hard for that. Generally though, she’s very easily distracted and needs a lot of nudging.

Saying that, I can see that she might, given the right (or rather wrong) conditions, put too much pressure on herself

Hmm. Well a good comp is working well for ds1 - but he is pretty well motivated despite the dreaminess. That said, I dont think it would be tolerated if he took his foot of the gas - they know he's academic and expect him to achieve.

That said, do you have any actual comprehensives round your way? No grammers here so everyone's in comps so you have a peer group no matter how bright you are.

Ultimately if you are counting on her being pushed then private is your best bet. That said, I was a lot like her at that age (except no grade anything in music) and didn't really get myself into focus til 13. After that I flew so I personally wouldnt worry to much at age 10.

Maybe it would be worth you visiting a wide range of schools with your dd before you make a decision?

Thanks so much Barbarian that is very helpful

The local is a comprehensive. Though, saying that it's an Academy - is it possible to be an academy and a comprehensive at the same time? (The grammars we would have to travel for but they have weird catchments that include where we live) but a lot of people from her primary school will go to selectives (not necessarily academically also church places, arts places etc) / privates.

I obviously would prefer her not to need the pushing (or to be the one who has to do the pushing myself). I also was a late developer from an academic perspective but ended up being very academically driven by A-Level so maybe she'll be the same… But then I was in a relatively small catholic girls school so few distractions! Not suggesting that was perfect either I just don't have experience of the alternative…

We're in a difficult position because we're permanent residents here but away during time term until next summer because of DH's jobs. (I've spoken to the LEA about this and given our circumstances it doesn't seem to affect our applications.) It does mean that we've got limited opportunities to visit schools. Have seen three grammars (which we've ruled out) and the local Academy I mentioned. Lined up to see one other local girls school but a friend's daughter is being badly bullied there and it doesn't seem to be being effectively addressed by the school, which has put me right off.

Slightly sheepish final bump for this. Would love to hear some thoughts from other parents. I thought it'd be clear to me by now what sort of school would be right for her but it really isn't! I guess it's all a lot easier second time around

So hard. I have a (now) 12 yo DS who has just completed Yr 7 in our local comp. There are no grammars near us and private is not an option. My DS was dreamy and is definitely at the younger end of the year. Secondary school has been an eye opener - he has LOVED it. Loads of different things to do, lots of opportunities, lots of communication with the teachers, lots of new people. i've realised that he was bored quite a bit of the time in Primary and that secondary - with its 6 different lessons and 6 different teachers a day and expectations is really encouraging him. He has found a small group of like-minded boys (girls don't seem to exist yet) and is having a great time. It's a good bordering on excellent secondary where all the local children go. I love it - local makes it so easy for him to get there and back on his own, easy for us to attend events if invited, good for friendship groups etc. Secondary seems to be big enough to move friendship groups if needed. The opportunities offered, extra curricular, are amazing - music, drama, sports, reading, all the hobbies are covered etc. I would always choose a local comp if I could - but I absolutely realise that I am lucky to have such a good one so close. But on a personal level, with a potentially high achieving if he can be bothered child, it has been brilliant. He remains at the younger end of the year but all secondaries will expose your child to older ones! He doesn't have a smart phone or want his hair cut in a particular style but seems to have found others who feel the same! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just to warn you, perhaps it is different in other bits of London, but in West you don't have that long to think about it as you need to register for independents next term, mostly by half term.

Unfortunately for your logistics, I really think you have to visit a few so that you can compare the feel to the comps you are looking at.

Just a warning - unless you have already done quite a bit of tutoring or extra work yourself at home to prepare for entrance exams, then you might have left it a bit late for most independent schools - in London the competition for places is pretty fierce.

Well, I was in that position 15 years ago. DD bright and got into all the selectives, state and private. She coasted through seven years of selective state, very happy, bottom 10% of school academically but she wasn't bothered because she was very happy/sporty/musical. Came out with "poor" by north London standards A levels but went off to RG uni and now doing PhD. I was probably despairing academically along the way but she always was/is so happy ... so I'd say that's more important that 10 A*s or whatever they are called nowadays. Hindsight is so useful but you need to let her be herself and not squash her into the wrong hole just because everyone else wants results, results ...

DS bright and dreamy chose a grammar himself passed the test with great score and is doing really well or at least he was before the holidays now he’s obsessed with XBOX. He’s just about to go into year 10 he loves maths and science. He used to like art but has moved away from this since starting secondary.
DD dreamy arty not musical and bright but less academic than her brother opted for a good local comp and she seems to be doing ok.
At your DD’s age my two were both remarkably mature and I had sensible rationale discussions with them both re: secondary and they both chose what was right for them. What does your DD think?