How do you prepare your 11 year old for year 7?

[W1neNot]

My DS goes to secondary school in September. He had his transition day today and ... didn't enjoy it. He's said three times this evening 'I don't want to go to secondary school' which is a bit unfortunate as well, he has to

We had a good chat about it and he found the day long, boring, tiring and he didn't get to really chat to any of the new children in his class. I think he thought it would be fun and it wasn't. He does have one friend from primary in the tutor group with him though so that's something

He doesn't have SEN but he was on school action plus until he was 8 and he's a very well behaved and 'quirky' little boy - academically very average so I worry he'll just be looked over - he's also sensitive

Any tips on how to prepare and settle him? We already have all his uniform, I've chatted with him lots about how he's got all our support at home, I've told him it's like starting a new job for an adult and it will take time to get used to it etc etc

Anything I'm missing? Thanks

Conversation openers to help with making new friends.

Discuss behaviour expectations (e.g. don't be over-over-keen like Hermione).

Shame they didn't make the day enjoyable though, or provide 'getting to know you' activities.

Now he DID open a few conversations he said. He asked someone if they were looking forward to coming to secondary In September and they just said 'yes' and didn't speak back. So probably shy.

That's a good point about not being too keen

Have you coverd all the practical stuff?
How he will travel there, what he needs to wear, what materials (like pencils, pens) to bring every day, canteen use, where to eat lunch, how to use his phone, how to contact you if problem on journey.

Can he talk ok to adults if he needs something?

Yes to all that Ragged

Hmm. I may need to keep just keep encouraging him

I would say encourage them to do independent things like go to the shops, supermarket and get them if possible to talk to adults they don’t know like shop assistants. They are going to have contact with multiple adults that they don’t know well and my DD and DS both struggled with having to go and find and talk to teachers they didn’t really know as they only spend an hour or two a week with them. Confidence with adults is very valuable.

I've seen this "Hermione" point a few times on these threads - are you really advising your children not to contribute when they have something to say?
It strikes me that most children need encouraging to have a go and make a contribution rather than the other way round. This is particularly so given what the OP has said about her child.

Is Hermione a HP reference? I've managed to avoid reading the books!

He's just nervous I think. That's a good tip to really use the summer holidays to make him be more independent because he isn't at all. Not for want of me trying - he just doesn't want to be out alone as he is scared he will be abducted.

Yes he's utterly ridiculous but we put time into allaying this fear as best we can!

Can you ask the school to email all the children in his class to suggest meeting at the park in the holidays? Arrange a time to go with the boy he already knows and if anyone else comes then that's great. That helped to break down some of the first day nerves.

My dd said that all the girls were chatting and getting to know other girls in their class, whereas the boys met up with old friends from other classes and attempted to play it.

I made the Hermione reference, and yes it is a HP one.

There is a difference (in the eyes of other pupils) between someone contributing when they have something to say, and being half out of their seat every 2 minutes waving their arm signalling 'pick me, pick me'. The first is OK, the second isn't.

But other 'behavioural codes' are relevant too.
e.g. if it's not affecting you, ignore it (unless something like bullying). So no going 'Miss, Stephen's not doing his work'.

You know your own child. You know if they are likely to have any quirks that will wind up the other pupils.
So a rule abiding DC might be tempted to 'tell' on other children.
An over keen to please (like my DD1) might be a bit too 'sucky-upy'.

Ds2 was worried about getting lost. I told him to ask an older kid, that they would help, although he didn't believe me.

As it was he did get lost, and he asked a 6th form boy, who then walked him to his classroom. That gave him such a boost of confidence, that he was not laughed at, or sent to the wrong place or ignored, that this boy remembered what it was like. He was telling him this on the way.

DS2 is starting in September and is a sensitive soul. He's just got back from his residential and has the transition day on Monday. He is very wibbly and is really looking for a way out.

He'll be getting a bus so over the summer so I'm organising him and a couple of friends that live close by to do some test runs of meeting up and walking to the stop and back agreeing what time to make their own way if the others haven't turned up etc. Also taking them to activities where I'll be sitting out of the way like ten pin bowling (not much in our immediate area so can't go independently). I'm trying to encourage him towards open questions for meeting new people, but it is tricky to get the tone right for an 11 year old IYKWIM.

I do understand all the worries, but please try not to overthink it. The school is well used to dealing with an influx of year 7; it happens every year! There will be the uber-confident (aka PITA), the very shy and most will be somewhere between the two. As a secondary school teacher, we have strategies in place to help them all to settle in.

As other posters have said, cover the practicalities. Look at the school's website; are there new/exciting things he can look forward to that he hasn't had access to at primary school? Does he know any kids going into years 10 or 11 (or 6th form) who he can chat to? Does he have a phone and know how to call you or text you if he has a transport problem? Do a dry run or two of the journey, maybe the first one with him, then the second where you meet him there so he gets used to it.

The worry about abduction is a bit of a concern for me. Perhaps it is because I work in quite a rural & laid-back area, but most of our younger kids are more worried about what happens if they miss the school bus as there isn't an easy alternative, rather than being abducted. Would it help him to be able to text you as soon as he arrives at school, then put his phone away?

I think the summer holiday between primary and secondary school can be worrying, but try to focus on having a decent break from school and ensuring he has covered the practicalities.

It's worth making the point that a transition day can be disappointing and it doesn't mean school will be bad or he's not cut out for the school or whatever. There's such a lot of pressure put on children to hit the ground running and they can sometimes consciously or unconsciously imagine a slightly meh day means more than it does.

Thank you. Some really good points for me to consider and I'll be implementing them all in some form or other

He tells me he enjoyed the Bunsen burners and he got a house point too - one of only 2 children. So I used those points to highlight that actually some parts of the day were really good

He has his phone yes. And I'm super organised as a rule (not in all areas!) so I have all the uniform ordered already, his new bag, calculator, stationery - the lot.

What a saddo!

We had,lots of What if..... conversations

What if you miss the bus
What if you get lost
What if you feel worried
What if you lose your locker key etc.

Having a,plan of strategies for things going wrong seemed to help

Don't under estimate the change

Be available after school as much as you can I know harder for working parents

Help them get organised at least till half term it's a big change

Try encourage a few new friends over or take to an activity

Ask mums with older kids at the same school about acceptable bags coats etc

Don't panic if not settled straight away. My dd was settled by Xmas but some kids take even longer.

I wouldn't worry too much about the induction day. I've known kids who loved it then struggled when they started (like my DD!) and people who hated it but loved it when they actually got there in Sept.

My DS is starting in Sept and is high-functioning autistic so he is very "quirky". I am a bit nervous but after my DD's experience I'm more relaxed as things tend to work out in the end. I'm preparing him for the practical stuff. Everything else will be what it is. I can't control it all sadly!

More great points thank you

I'll be here morning and afternoon. I'm lucky to run my business from home and I can take him to school and collect too. School is just over 2 miles away so to begin with I'll drop him off and he can walk back with his friend - will play by ear

He's actually not my first to go through secondary. My eldest went to the same school and she is now about to start her second year of uni. She however is not 'unusual' like him and when she went there, the school was outstanding. It's now frustratingly inadequate due to bullying, poor behaviour and their inability to properly provide for SEN pupils

New head starts September too so they're trying to bring the school back up.

Just adds another layer of concern