Year 7 child home alone after school - what's reasonable?

[isa2]

We're just debating whether we need to continue to employ the lovely student who picks our son up from school twice a week next year when our son goes to secondary school. If we don't, our son is likely two or three times a week to be at home on his own for up to an hour an a half after school until my husband or I get home. He says he is happy with this and is a sensible boy, but I'm not sure quite what's reasonable at this stage and am concerned that so far he really hasn't been on his own at home for more than a brief period while we go to a local shop. We live in a pleasant area of inner London, and there will usually (but of course not invariably) be friendly neighbours at home if he should need someone. What have others found to be OK at this stage?

I’d ask him what he wants to do. Mine have almost always had someone at home or alternative arrangements but I’m very lucky with ,y working pattern. For some of my friends and relatives, leaving them till 5 would be normal 2 or 3 times a week.

Are there after school clubs he wants to go to? He wouldn’t be home alone quite so long if he did an hour’s sport after school.

My DBIL has my DN on find my friends and gets an alert when she goes in the house. If she hasn’t arrived home by the time he’s expected her to, he just gives her a call.

I think secondary is a reasonable time to make this change. So long as he's not likely to have friends back, I can't see that an hour or so 2-3 times a week would be a problem. I used to take my younger DC to the park for an hour after school regularly and the older one would get home before us with no problems.

Unless they are extremely immature or there is some complex background issue at work, it wouldn't cross my mind they wouldn't be ok at that age, let alone if it's just for an hour or so a few times a week.

If he's not used to responsibility/ independence start building up to it now.

Well if he's never been home alone for other than a brief period start increasing that now!

Like others, an hour or so after school seems perfectly reasonable. Alternatively he may be able to stay at school and travel home later?
tbh though my DC would happily spend an hour after school just "hanging out", so this would become a non problem!

What you suggest is totally fine OP. But I would be more concerned that he has not really been alone at home before. I would start now to build up independence - trips to the shop, walking himself to school, leaving him at home for 20-30 mins

I think an hour and a half, two or three times a week is an easy introduction to staying home alone at that age. Maybe start leaving him for an hour or two before September so he then only has to add getting home and letting himself in. My DS has been home alone for two hours, four days a week since starting Secondary.

I disagree. My dd had only just turned 11 when she started secondary school.

I wasn’t keen on her going home to an empty house when it starts to get dark. She is nearly 12 now and l feel very different. She is fine to go home on her own.

So if nearer 12 then fine, if just 11 then not fine

If it was me I would employ the student for one more year. Going against the grain here but if he has not been used to this already, it might be a lot of change all at once. Year 7 is a huge change for them..

It sounds fine , try leaving him for an hour or two and see how he goes.

Ps having a year 8 and a year 7 now I can also tell you that there is a huge change in maturity.. I would not hesitate having my y8 doing what you suggest now but in year 7 I would have been more nervous, especially in the dark!!!

I had a very similar debate a couple of years ago. I would keep the student on for one more year. There is a big jump in maturity from starting secondary to going into year 8

Have the student help your ds prep and eat his own snacks, get into homework time etcfor when hes on his own

I think we need to trust that Secondary aged children will rise to the challenge (possibly different if the child has anxiety or SEN or something else going on). My child had been in the UK less than 6 months, and had also moved to the local area a week before the September start. He has a summer term birthday. He was fine with the changes.

We had no choice. It's nerve wracking at first, but DD caught the bus to the closest stop, walked a mile or so up a busy road, then let herself in at home. We would get a text to say she had arrived safely. She was more comfortable with it than we were initially.

Stickerrocks Same here, I had no other option either. I think parents worry more than the kids do.

Thanks all for the not quite unanimous views! We do have a choice as we have someone we are very happy with picking up for us at the moment a couple of times a week, so I think it's a bit harder to call than if we didn't already have this arrangement. We will indeed try to build things up gradually between now and Sept - but at least in our part of London, I don't think he's very unusual in not having been that much on his own before.

My dd was home alone till 5ish every day in year 7. In fact she did that most of year 6 like that as well, as she pleaded with me to stop sending her to after school club.

None of the year 7 pupils I teach have anybody pick them up from school unless there is a transport issue, they all either walk or get buses if there is a bus going to their village. There are one or two villages that don't have a bus service, those are the kids being picked up.

If he's happy with it, and he's sensible, then it seems fine to me. But if you or he is worried about it, then stick to the current arrangement. Or maybe he could walk home by himself and meet someone there?

There's no absolutely right answer here. Some would leave a Year 6 as you've described and others not a Year 9.

You know your child and your own circumstances and needs. The vast majority would be fine at home a couple of times a week for an hour and a half.

Things you can do to make this even more workable;

• start leaving child at home for short periods from now (if you've never done anything before start with 15 mins and build up gradually, beginning with time of day they feel most comfortable with)
• think about mobile phone communication which makes the 1 hour 39 feel less long - so them phoning or texting to say they are home, you phoning or texting to say you are setting off from work
• if possible, having a neighbour or someone nearby who they know they can go and knock on the door of, if they really need to.
• making sure one of you is there at home every day for the first couple of weeks.

My DC is nearing the end of Yr 7 now. We don't have after school issues but some daytime issues on things such as inset days or holidays - DC can now be at home for 3-3.5 hours in the day on an occasional basis. And usefully, can be at home for about 1.5-2 hours early evening - so perhaps 7-9 in the evening if there is parents evening we need to go to or similar. So I don't leave DC later than 9 at night.

It's all about confidence building in small stages and having steps and communication measures in place which also boost confidence - so them knowing they can contact you if needed, spare keys in a key safe, receiving regular texts etc so they don't actually feel alone for too long. Very quickly, they become more confident.

Start small and get to the point you need to. You aren't wanting to achieve something unrealistic or inappropriate for the age group.

DS is in Yr7 and does roughly the same amount if time on his own. He is not bothered at all and quite enjoys the freedom. If your child is sensible then go with it. Its the right age.

I think its reasonable to get a bit into year 7 and then evaluate. It would be a good time to have an older role model around too.

I wasn't sure at the same stage, and my DD was only turning 11 at the end of August. However, I canvassed the students in y7 at my own school. ,and no one used a CM or ASC. DD has not been left alone so in the summer of y6, we stared to leave her while going shopping, sent her up to the nearest shop/ post box etc. She was fond. Texted me every day when she got home for the first few weeks,but hen got used to starting her hw, getting a snack and getting ready for her sport training.

It s

Was a real relief to only have to worry about picking the other one up on time!

I’m amazed at some of the stuff on here! All my dd’s friends at the start of Year 7 were like this:

Some went to childminders
Some walked home to someone at home
Some were picked up.

I teach y7 too, and a lot are collected. A lot walk home too, but not that many to empty houses from what l can work out. Some will go home to older siblings too.