Bullying of ASD child in year 7 - does it get any better?

[LostInLeics]

I've had three phone calls from the school in just the last 7 days to tell me about incidents where my son has been ganged up on and bullied. To the school's credit, they have come down hard and fast on the children involved, and it has been older children in the school who have intervened to protect my son and to report and name the bullies to the behaviour team.

However, these are just the incidents that other people have noticed and reported - my son hasn't told me about any of these incidents until I questioned him about them, so I'm left wondering what else is going on that I don't know about. He is such a quiet, self contained chap, who doesn't like to make a fuss, and just wants to be left on his own at break times to walk circuits around the grounds or stand and watch the pigeons, and my heart is breaking for him. The school have tried to encourage him to go to the SEN base, but he just wants to be outside on his own in the fresh air, not cramped up in a classroom with other people.

Part of me feels like just taking him out and home schooling him for the rest of the term, and trying to get him into year 8 in another school in September. But then he would still stand out as the old ball new boy, and the bullying might just start all over again.

No advice for you OP as my DC are much younger, but just bumping this thread for you. Your poor poor boy . Sounds like a really difficult situation.

We're just moving this over to secondary education at OP's request.

OP - we hope you get some helpful advice and support. Sending love and best wishes.

It sounds like the school is dealing with it well. Things could be a lot worse in a different school where the management might deny that any bullying could happen. Not been in this situation, so no real advice.

I'm a home-schooler; I know a lot of families who have removed ASD children from school because of bullying, sadly. Some of them have basically been told their child is an obvious target because of their quirkiness so there's not much they can do. Which is disgraceful, obviously. It does sound like your school at least has an effective policy.

I would be totally led by him on this one. What does he want to do?

Poor boy. I hate that these problems are still rife in schools.

I wouldn't move schools too quickly as the school has obviously identified a problem and is conversing with you. Sadly not all schools are the same.

Keep the dialogue going with the school. Ask your son if there's anything he would like you to do. Stress the importance of him telling you and that you can just keep a note and promise you won't use the information without telling him.

Explain that the bullies will be insecure people using other people to create an image because they aren't happy with themselves. I know that's a very small point but sometime it helps to break the bullies down in the victims mind as these all powerful confident types.

Does he have a friendship group?

He was one of only two children from his primary to go to this secondary, and although there do seem to be a few people that he's friendly with, he's got no interest in seeing them outside of school.

I do take comfort in the fact that the school seem to be doing everything they can to support him and they are taking it seriously, and that other children, sixth formers in particular, seem to be quick to intervene and report any bullying they see. That says a lot about the culture of the school I suppose, and is so much better than when I was at school, when everyone else would have just gathered round to watch.

It’s hard to say things will get easier but they normally do - he will find his niche and the kids fighting for their level on the hierarchy calms down. It sounds like the school deal with it very thoroughly. I think it’s likely that moving him to another school would be hard for him - starting from scratch with relationships will be hard.

The school and fact other pupils are intervening sounds positive. Are there any clubs he could try? My dc is yr 7 and aswell as usual sports, music clubs they have chess, robotics and things. Maybe some possible friends are tucked away in these clubs at lunchtime. Also the sixth form seem to do extra clubs, dc been to a German one with snacks (reason she went!) run by some sixth formers. Maybe see if something similar? They also had an assembly explaining generally about aspergers to the children which seems to have helped understanding.

if it stays the same or god forbid gets worse the best thing to do i would say would be to either find a school with a very kind reputation or have him home educated if its possible. I'm not talking as an ASD parent but as someone who was very bullied at a school with a very good reputation, unfortunately there is bullying in most schools and it can really change a child if they are growing up with being bullied as it can really limit their character development if they are being knocked down all the time and growing up in fear. But unlike your childs school in my school the teachers knew i was getting bullied but wouldn't do anything about it and never told anyone off even if they bullied me right in front of them. they just couldn't be bothered so at least you are in a school with people who care. However seeing as he might be finding it hard to talk to you about his problems and feelings is a sign that as in most cases it is the victim who feels shame not the bully as a bully makes their victims feel like its them that has the problem. i suffered major anxiety and depression during and after down to the effects of my school years. hitting your teen years trying to find your identity with being dragged down by others can really mess you up and leave you being a shell of the person you once was. As an adult if you kept on being treated badly you would just leave the environment but as a child it is often seen that you should stick it out to toughen up but that is never good on a childs mental health and wellbeing so home education might be something to consider and maybe he might then feel able to talk more openly about him being bullied when he is out of the environment where the bullying is taking place. Bullying is never acceptable and others often feel made to join in down to peer pressure. being bullied and feeling you cant talk to anyone about it is very dangerous. with suicide being the biggest killer in men the causes not just the diagnosis of mental health needs to be taken more seriously and your son needs to feel more secured. the school does seem to be dealing with it in the right way but your childs happiness should take priority whatever that means