Taunting/ bullying but what to do about it

[ffs2018]

Good evening, id like some advice please on what action to take in this situation.My DS is in year 7 and began the school in sept not knowing anyone else. He is fairly quiet although he was popular at his primary. All was going well to begin with and we were very pleased that he made a few friends early on. Just before Easter he began coming home upset but wouldnt say much other than he felt no one liked him. Since the Easter holiday he has pretty much cried every night. He says that his main “friend” taunts him relentlesly in front of others , mocking him , calling him names and particularly calling him “gay” and commenting loudly on his appearance , ability (or lack of) in certain sports etc. My DS says he tries to ignore it and shrug it off but that it happens every day and always in front of an audience and that some other boys are now joining in. He is very sad and is now asking to move schools . It is breaking my heart to see him like this. He says that i am not to talk to the school or to the main boys parents ( who i know but not well) . I am worried that if i talk to the school this could potentially make things worse for DS. Any advice welcome , ive just been laying with him crying himself to sleep.

You need to speak to his form tutor or head of year asap. This is a very common occurrence but needs to be dealt with quickly. It is possible he is not the only one being targeted by this bully.
Phone student services/reception in the morning.

I agree, I think you need to speak to his firm tutor or a pastoral manager or someone. This won't go away by not saying anything and fears about it getting worse by showing out rarely actually happen.

So sad to read this. I hope someone comes along to advise you soon. Kids can be so cruel. You dont know the parents well, but even so what would your gut feeling be about how they'd react if you brought this bullying to their attention?

Hi,

Have spent many years as a form tutor and before that as pastoral support. You need to communicate with the school and if they’re a good school they will understand that your DS didn’t want to report it and they will set it up to “catch” it happening so that there is less chance of comeback on your DS.

try and find out from your DS typical times and locations so staff can intervene in a seemingly more natural way and nip it in the bud!

That's excellent advice from Gemma

Thank you for the replies. I really do not know the boys family well enough to know how they would respond , i think i will start with an email to the form tutor in the morning . Feeling quite emotional about it right now so hopefully i will be more rational and calm in the light of day. Thanks again for the advice

I definitely think you should follow Gemma's advice. Let us know how you get on.

Also agree with Gemma-Def school and not the other boys parents -point out that your son really didn't want you to contact school and they will have ways of addressing this without saying it was reported by you.

Always let the school know, otherwise it sends a message to the bully that they can just keep doing this.

Sometimes we have to over-ride our children's worries about things getting worse.

We chose a school with an incredible pastoral team and they have not let us down yet.

There should be either in your child's planner or on the school website a step by step policy on how they deal with this sort of behaviour.

Keep a diary of events, and if it continues to happen after it has been reported you need to go back and let them know.

Do not approach the other parent. Let school deal with it and good luck. Sometimes kids just need reminding that certain behaviour is unacceptable.