Boarding School

[RosieWoodCelt]

DH and I are choosing schools for daughters 10 and 9. We don't want state education as both think it underachieves and lacks proper discipline. Same applies to grammars. Eldest is exceptionally bright and we want a boarding education where she will be pushed hard academically from day 1. From looking at leagues Wycombe Abbey seems top. Anyone able to advise?

[sendsummer]

I would n't disagree that they cannot avoid being present at lessons. However the longer timetabling as has already been said by a PP is due to the sport /extracurricular taking up a portion ofafternoons or evening. It is not because there are more academic lessons apart from perhaps on Saturday. But then the terms are shorter.

They may have scheduled prep but that does n't mean that some one is standing over and checking that they are working or not being distracted on their computer (particularly for older pupils after the first year or so at senior school). Most boarding schools have single or twin rooms after the first year or so of senior school. That is no different to being in a bedroom at home.
Boarding staff are shared between many pupils. They may focus on those with a particularly poor work ethic and do general rounds but they have to trust the majority of boarders and let them make their own mistakes with the effort they put in.

[RosieWoodChelt]

Such positive letter from CLC regarding DD. She going to a Taster Day and will have lessons and spend time in a house called Farnley Lodge. Really impressed with material I have received. Facetimed info to DH overnight.

[SpikeStoker]

RosieWoodChelt that's great news for your DD. My DD loved her taster. I will pm you.

[RosieWoodChelt]

Thank you SpikeStoker PM always welcomed. Will collect her from prep. night before then she has to go to something CC calls Prayers early next morning. Then visits lessons and boarding house and is getting to watch a lax session later too which she's excited about. CLC sounds top drawer quality education.

[BubblesBuddy]

There seems to be some misunderstanding about what preps are all about that prepare for boarding at 13. I said a few girls left Godstowe at 11 for the local Bucks state grammar schools. They do, and that is the wish of their parents, and it has been their ambition all along. Many others (the majority) leave at 13. The vast majority of girls from Godstowe will then board at their senior school. Very few would transfer to local grammar where they live (London, Cheltenham etc) at 11. Godstowe would not prepare them for those exams anyway so that route is a lottery. A parent choosing Godstowe knows this.

Godstowe is excellent at suggesting schools, but parents often look at various schools theselves outside the "norm" for Godstowe. We did. My DD1 was already at a school which we liked and Godstowe did not really have it on their radar. That does not mean they will not be receptive to parental views as long as the school is attainable! They like girls to be successful - and why not?

Your choices sound good, OP. I am not sure I would be wanting DC to board in Kent from where you live, and I know this school can be a bit empty at weekends. Lots of London based girls go home.

[TabbyTigger]

Those I know at day schools (London and home counties, especially the elite academic schools) have tutoring at least twice a week.

My DC go to an ordinary comp in London. No-one I know has a tutor. I think one of DS’s friends had a maths tutor once a week for a year. That’s all I can think of...

The “48%” figure says “have had”. That can be for brief periods - for certain topics, or for the grammar 11+. It doesn’t mean 48% have been rigorously tutored twice a week from the age of 3

Sorry OP I cant actually contribute to the private/boarding school conversation as I know nothing about that world! I hope you find the right school for your DDs. And please don’t underestimate state schools - I’ve got nothing bad to say about my DCs school and their results, and the kind of people there are, reflect that.

[longtallwalker]

Mine also didn't receive tuition or extra help - apart of course from being fortunate enough to be born into the middle class home of a graduate and PhD (needed for OH's work). The myths about state schooling are incredible and often result in writing off a huge section of pupils as if they are a kind of educational underclass.
Lots of children are 'bright'. But if they are, honestly that's an argument that they can cope with learning anywhere.

I think where the OP may have a point with state schools is that right at the end - where these bright kids are shooting for 'top' unis, they get little or no support. No extra coaching or advice on applications and interviews. Without my OH's experience I doubt my two DC would have got to attend the unis they currently attend - where my DD was the only state schooler on her corridor of 12 in her first year, and where DS says he knows students who went to grammars - but v few unselective school alumni despite kids like mine easily jumping the entrance requirements
.
So sorry OP I can't advise on boarding schools but I can give proper been there seen it done it perspective on the state schools about which you commentedi. Such a disparaging manner.

Oh, and the lack of discipline can be a problem - but not if your children chose friends wisely. Mine had lovely friends, all now doing a variety of interesting and fulfilling jobs or study. I live it when they gather together during holidays. And bc they're al local it's easy for them to do this. Another plus for family life!

[Devilishpyjamas]

I have experience of boarding/day state and private schools, mainstream and special schools. So I have pretty much personally experienced every type of education that exists.

I haven’t found much difference between them in terms of discipline, education or achievements. There is a difference in the amount of extra curricular activities. For some children it may be an advantage to have it all under one roof. For other children (especially those doing a particular activity at a very high level) it would probably hinder them to be stuck to only easily accessing extra curricular activities at school.

I would cross the road (or change schools) to avoid some of the ghastly, superior attitudes expressed on this thread though. Maybe look for a school that encourages diversity

[RosieWoodChelt]

Noticed that DD can attend an Open/Taster Day at Downe House on 8 Sept. so am emailing the school about that as she already has a similar day at CLC in October. Both schools are being stunning in the quality of responses to emails. Impressed massively.

[Dancergirl]

OP, I can understand your reasons for you wanting your dds to board. But I would just say this: even if you boarded and loved it, and your dds are happy to board, please be prepared for the possibility of it not being right for them.

It is true that in the right school many children enjoy boarding. But equally there are many others that are unhappy. My cousin works with boarding school survivors, adults who had an unhappy time at boarding school. Boarding schools are very different these days from a generation ago but even so, they are not right for all children.

We know of an army family who put their daughter in boarding school from age 11. She was keen to go at the time, but it didn't work out and she was deeply unhappy. Luckily the father left the army and they had a more secure home base so they took their daughter out and she is now very happy at a girls grammar school.

Taster days are great, but in reality they don't give an accurate reflection of being parted from your family for weeks at a time.

I hope it works out but please do keep a Plan B in mind!

[RosieWoodChelt]

Really thoughtful post Dancergirl ad it is appreciated.

[CruCru]

This is an interesting thread. My understanding (from speaking with parents of much older children) is that it is a good idea to pick a school that is not more than, say, an hour away from home. Then, if something does happen and you need to pick your children up, you don't have a 7 hour schlep to the middle of Scotland (say).

When looking round my children's school, the head there made the point that if you are looking at the top 10 / 20 / 50 / whatever schools, there won't be all that much between them in terms of academics. So it is worth choosing a senior school that you love for other reasons as well as the academics.

I hope that you find a school that you and your children are really happy with.

[Astronotus]

I hope you find the right school too. Your posts are interesting OP. Don't just go on open days though. Visit the schools on working days and be sure to speak to current pupils. I can see you are good at analysing data (and all the MNetters posts). Your children are not a business plan though. They are warm, human and may at times be vulnerable. Let them choose.

[Moominmammacat]

"We don't want state education as both think it underachieves and lacks proper discipline. Same applies to grammars" ... really? I wonder how they will cope when they leave their little bubbles. My dear neighbour (all DCs to selective schools and Oxbridge) says private schools are for those who can't cope with mainstream ...

[Darbs76]

My friend works in a top girls boarding and is so anti boarding (not private eduction. Just boarding) due to what she see’s on a daily basis. Yes it might be the only option for busy parents. I personally have chosen to limit my career profession somewhat under my children are old enough to get to and from school themselves. Which is now. Of course that’s not for everyone and for some getting to the top of their career comes ahead of all else (my children’s father for example).

Your post does come across as rude. My son is predicted a bunch of 8’s and 9’s across all his GCSE’s in the summer. He didn’t pass the local Grammar tests as they are so popular / difficult (Wallington etc) but they’d certainly snap him up for A level if he applied (he isn’t). His state school is amazing and I truly believe he will come out a much more rounded person due to his education. He’s planning on applying to Oxbridge and I am very proud that he’s a modest, polite young man. Had he gone to one of the very expensive boarding / day schools around us in Surrey I really don’t think it would have made any difference grade wise. I do think he wouldn’t have his modest outlook though.

And from what my friend has told me there’s no way I would send my daughter boarding. No way. I’d make sacrifices so she could be a day pupil if I was so insistent that state schools are so awful but I wouldn’t want her in the environment I’ve heard so much about (and I know they aren’t all the same but these themes 100% must run through others). Young girls need their mums. And young boys too.
And jealous? My god no. We had the option for private Ed through my children’s fathers job but both in agreement we definitely didn’t want that for our kids. Each to their own.
From a practical point of view I’d send them both to the same school as private secondaries seem to have an awful lot of events on - be impossible (with you being so busy and all..) to do two schools

[hoodiemum]

I'm not going to get into the emotional side of boarding, but one thing I'd say is that very very very few boarding schools offer enough extra curricular options to suit every child all through their school career. If you can be completely sure that the school caters well for the interests your child will have at every point from 11 to 18, then go for it. Otherwise, a day school and the option to take them to the activities they want to do is preferable. (If you can afford boarding fees x 2, presumably a nanny to drive to activities while you're at work would also be an option?) For example, if there is only one teacher of your child's instrument in the school, and they don't get on, that'll kill their interest in the instrument; as a day pupil they could go to a different teacher in the evenings. Or if there's a car building club, and your child would love to be involved, but it's only for the older kids (so they have plenty to include in UCAS personal statements); they'd be able to do a club outside school if they were a day pupil. If you're determined for them to board, pick very very well, and ask about the age that kids can get involved in particular activities, not just what activities the school offers.

[happygardening]

"I'd say is that very very very few boarding schools offer enough extra curricular options to suit every child all through their school career."
My DS went to a full boarding school and I've worked in three boarding schools (admittedly all were big name full boarding schools with very large fees). All offered a massive range of activities there was something to suit everyone regardless of age. As for music I never heard a child complain about their music teacher most instruments there was easily more than one teacher in some cases 10+ for the more popular instruments.
There a loads of different types of boarding schools, those which are primarily day schools. with some boarders, those which are primarily boarding schools with some day pupils, some offer a mixture flexi, weekly, and full boarding, some are primarily weekly boarding and a small number are full boarding only. The fees they charge will also make a difference. Big name full boarding only schools with matching fees (in excess of £40k a year) will have much more to offer than than a small school with fees that are significantly less, where 30% board and of that only handful full board. I am not criticising either but they will have a totally different feel. Parents need to carefully choose the one that does what they want. IMO experience the biggest complaints we heard round a dinning table after moaning about the fees was that the school wasn't full boarding when they either assumed it was or even worse they were lead to believe by the school that it was. I've never heard anyone moan about their childs music teacher!
Having said this as I often say on these type of threads if it matters ask. It never ceased to amaze me that parents who are cheerfully stumping up a huge amount of money just assumed that the school would have a golf course for their golf loving son and then moaned that there wasn't one or despite the fact that a school very clearly stated all over its website that it was full boarding only complained that their child could be a day pupil.

[happygardening]

Sorry typo no glasses!
their child could be a day pupil= their child couldn't be a day pupil.

[1805]

I have 2 dc who are at very different types of boarding schools.
Eldest (y13) is at a large full boarding school, where there is literally everything you could ever dream of doing, and the time to do it. From countryside pursuits, to sculpture, to astronomy, and drone flying. As well as every sport ever invented I reckon. Many sports teams etc etc.
Youngest (y10) is at a v small day/boarding school which has fewer clubs and activities but a really nurturing almost home ed type feel.
You need to look at the school, and your dc and pick accordingly.