Boarding School

[RosieWoodCelt]

DH and I are choosing schools for daughters 10 and 9. We don't want state education as both think it underachieves and lacks proper discipline. Same applies to grammars. Eldest is exceptionally bright and we want a boarding education where she will be pushed hard academically from day 1. From looking at leagues Wycombe Abbey seems top. Anyone able to advise?

[cantkeepawayforever]

Again, local boarding might work well as she grows up, as she will always know that not boarding is a possibility as home is so close - so her boarding can be (on an ongoing basis) her own choice as well as yours.

Of course, you will hope that your initial decision is the right one, but over the 7+ years of applying to and then attending secondary school, girls change so much - it is useful to know that a day option is, in extremis, there, without changing schools.

Not-boarding was not an option for, e.g., my DH, sent thousands of miles from home at 8 for the best of motives. He is not the same as he would have been had he not had to go through that experience, and the lack of 'choice', once embarked on his schooling, that feeling of being 'trapped', has not been healthy for him long term. At the time, he endured.

[cantkeepawayforever]

Rudi, I agree wholeheartedly. However I am giving the OP the benefit of the doubt for a very badly worded first post!

[yikesanotherbooboo]

I understand why you are
Looking at boarding. I would too in your situation if my DC wanted to.
I don't think that you need to be rigidly driven by league tables though. My number one criterion would be the pastoral standards and then the convenience for the family. You have potentially 7 years of parents evenings, exeats, matches and concerts not to mention pickups midweek if DD catches glandular fever or a tummy bug. Coming top of league tables does not equate to getting the most out of DC although to be fair WA is acknowledged to be a very good school. I am sure many others would do as well forlyour daughters.

[avinalaugh]

Check out Summerhill, Brockwood and Bedales

[BubblesBuddy]

I think some posters haven’t really caught on as to how busy parents don’t see their children very much. Mine boarded and I went to everything. Everything. My diary was filled up with their activities first - above all else.

I saw first hand that I was in a minority. Many parents have drivers. Definitely London parents. They hardly ever pick up at exeats. They are not around much and they don’t attend everything - some attend next to nothing. Some parents I barely saw from day 1 in y7 to the day they left in y13. Their children were boarding and other people were engaged to do the hard slog. The parents were pursuing their careers and their children were seen as needing money spent on them, but not time.

It is also a fairly common trait for some parents to see state schools as beyond the pale and their children wouldn’t ever be educated in such a school because their children are superior in every way. I was talking to one parent who was sponsoring an academy. He had actually visited the state school he was taking over! His first visit to a state school. He seemed surprised that the children there were actually quite nice. There are plenty of children who are brought up to believe that they cannot possibly be educated in a state school.

OP: If your children are at a decent prep, you don’t need consultants. Your prep is the consultant. Go with their suggestions and outsource everything. You know it makes sense. After all, your careers come first!

[Bobs123]

Another Benenden senior here. Same question as @madhamsters why not consider Benenden if you loved it so much?

[gillybeanz]

Hoppinggreen

I hope you don't use childcare whilst you work, because you know you should parent your children yourself.
How bloody rude.

[flumpybear]

@gillybeanz - there's a massive difference between using childcare after school or before school than carting your child off to be brought up by others

[FrLukeDuke]

What sort of childcare would you use while you and your dh were away travelling with work during the long boarding school holidays? Is it 18 weeks holiday?

[sendsummer]

Send her to a school that offers IB. Much higher standard of education that A levels which have been funded down to help state schools look better.
That IB is a higher standard of education compared to A levels is untrue. It is different by allowing the study of more subjects. A levels suit specialists and cover more material in the selected subjects including for STEM subjects. It is an advantage to have a choice between both for sixth room but there are other more important reasons for choosing a school, particularly boarding than that.

[Hoppinggreen]

No I don’t but if I did at least they would be coming home at evenings and weekends and I would be seeing them in the mornings.
There is a huge difference between using childcare and your children living elsewhere
I know some dc cope fine with Boarding but why should they have to?
Unless there are extreme circumstances then children should live with their parents. Everything OP wants she can get without a Boarding school, it’s not necessary. If there’s another reason to send them then that’s different but a good education and discipline can be achieved without Boarding.

[JackieReacher]

It's a myth that WA only takes the ultra bright; they take some perfectly academically ordinary girls (if they have potential and other eg music / sport skills) and turn them out with astonishing results because the value added measure is so high. It is however only suited to competitive girls, and would be pointless to spend the extra cash on it (£2k / term more than anywhere else more or less) if you don't have the type of child who will use all those magnificent facilities. Worth bearing in mind that they are currently entirely without a headmistress.

[RosieWoodCelt]

Hi at madhamsters Benenden still in the mix. Waving back. I loved it there. Other girls were fantastic.

[Claire90ftm]

I just don't see how boarding schools are good for children at all. They're still young and need the contact with their parents, in my opinion. Have your lives suddenly become hectic? Or have you always known that it would be too hectic to keep your children at home? It breaks my heart to think of children being sent away from their parents to be parented by teachers.

[RosieWoodCelt]

Claire90ftm I genuinely appreciate the kind way in which you have posted and respect opposing view. Generations here have boarded though and been very happy and grown immensely for the experience. I loved it and made fantastic friends boarding. I know it can be an emotive subject but I guess was simply hoping get advice on choice of single-sex schools for DD. Our own lives always been hectic and DH away for prolonged periods of time with work. My own career can involve long hours and even now its so difficult with DD at day prep.

[GaribaldiGirl]

I think it’s true some children really enjoy boarding and if they’re really sporty they get to play so much more (unless you have time/energy to take them to loads of stuff after a day at school)
Also they get massively spoon fed academically, with long days and supervised prep sessions. My poor son has to work so hard at his boarding school - i would never be able to get him to do that at home.
Remember Wycombe Abbey is selecting girls from a very very small pool (parents who can afford £30k plus in fees) and the raw material they get is not the cleverest girls - but they get amazing ‘top of the league table’ results, because the pace is relentless and the girls have to work really really hard. Doesn’t suit everyone and some girls buckle under the pressure. Make sure your daughter is really resilient.
In my experience most parents at smart prep schools think their children are ‘super bright’. Most their children will get a shock when they come up against bright children from the remaining 95% of the population.

The cleverest kids when I was at university were mostly the comp kids who’d fought the odds to get a place. There were plenty of spoon fed public school kids who seemed a bit dim.

Ah such is the injustice of life......

[RosieWoodCelt]

Good advice. Appreciated. DD are at Godstowe currently which is why WA came into the thinking. CLC seems amazing though and range of activities and facilities there are stunning. Hoping to make a decision by the end of term so can plan which entrance exams DD will sit. It is very exciting though and going to look at various options. DH mentioned Heathfield, Ascot in a Facetime yesterday. Not considered before. Leftfield entry!

[EalingBroadway]

JackieReacher, what's happened to the head at Wycombe Abbey? Why are they 'entirely without a head'?

[TonTonMacoute]

While WA does have the best reputation for the academics, I think it is worth bearing in mind, OP, that you don’t necessarily have to go for the most academic school just because your DDs are very bright.

I would have thought that all the top girls schools will make sure that your DDs are fully able to extend themselves academically. It is also important to give due attention to other activities as well. You should go for one that they like, and feel comfortable in.

Full boarding is absolutely fine in a school where most of the others are full boarders, IMO. The idea that weekly boarding, or being able to go home more often is better, is a bit of a red herring.

[AriadneThread]

I'm surprised that there are no other schools in Cheltenham that you would consider- there are several private schools in Cheltenham.
Hope you find something to suit your kids.

[helpmum2003]

I agree with tontonmacoute - in my experience the brightest pupils get fabulous grads when at good schools in state or private sector (I have children in both sectors. )

However whether your dd will achieve their potential depends on other things as well such as whether they are happy.

I'm sure it's in the interests of all these schools to infer that only an expensive school can produce these results but it's not the case. In my professional experience eating disorders are a significant issue in high achieving girls with perfectionist personalities at schools with 'high academic achievement '.

[RosieWoodCelt]

Thank you to both last two who have posted. Genuinely will give thought to what you have both suggested. Appreciated.

[BubblesBuddy]

My DD2 was a Godstowe girl! I know it well. They have had many, many, girls going to CLC and WA down the years but the majority go at 13. Not 11. I can assure you that the school will give you every assistance in finding the right senior school and take your wishes into account. I cannot think of a single parent there who has used a consultancy in addition to the advice of the school. They are experts. I am sure you are aware that their senior school applications result in loads of scholarships and girls are very successful. They won’t be phased by WA if they are at Godstowe. It’s the norm for many girls from there. About 12 went in DDs year and another 12 to CLC. You really do not need to worry about where to apply to.

To be a good parent, you do not need to see your child all the time and every day. Some parents cling on to children believing they are not capable of making decisions and growing up without them spoon feeding. The most spoon fed children are not boarding ones! They are the ones whose parents helicopter all day and every day and nag endlessly. Boarders are often the most organised, resilient and fun children! They make friends for life and, judging from any research, get above their fair share of the top jobs too, so are hardly dim! Oxbridge does not appear to be full of dim ex boarding pupils from what I observe.

WA will get an amazing head. They won’t let anything slip and I can confirm that all the girls I have known that went there are bright, a few were super bright, but they all were well adjusted and enjoyed the school.

[LesLavandes]

I have parental experience on this. I don't think you should be asking mumsnetters! You should be visiting schools with your family and in the end you should take serious account of your daughter's preferences. It's not all about academic achievement. There is happiness to think about too. I know the schools you are mentioning. One very well. Your daughter will do well at any of these academically bit please do take other considerations into account (and not just yours)

[JackieReacher]

@EalingBroadway - she's done a midnight flit to a $chool in €hina on virtually no notice to the governors and they have no plan because the (presumably) didn't know (or kept it tightly wrapped). I guess her expansion of the WA brand into China brought her to attention of schools there and she's gone to a US school's group in Shenzhen