If you have one child at an independent and another at a state school

[Luna9]

How do you manage that? Do you give the child at state school other opportunities so he doesn't feel less.

My Oldest one is going to an independent for year 7; I don't think this school will be the right fit for the youngest one as she is not very academic nor interested in all the extracurricular activities, sports, etc. It is early days for her but at the moment she just want to have fun and says school is boring. I think she will be more suitable for the local comprehensive but don't want her to feel inferior.

I couldn't send one to state and one to private. It would bite me on the arse years later.

If your child has sen as ds has, state is often better.

We sent eldest dd to small independent school in yr 8 after the SENCO at her first ( comprehensive) school told us she’d likely only get Cs at GCSEs because of her dyslexia and dyscalculia - she actually got 10 GCSEs A-C and 4 A levels and has since graduated with an MA and MSc
We offered her younger sister and brother the same opportunity but they opted to go to the comp ( as it offered a wider variety of subjects and they had all their friends there)where they also got 8-10 GCSES A-C and have also gone to Uni ( middle dd went to college for BTEC instead of A levels as modular component suited her style of learning)
If eldest had stayed at first school she would have sunk , the independent private school had much smaller classes in a friendlier environment for her particular needs and allowed her time to develop coping strategies

I think it is perfectly sensible to send your children to the schools that suit them individually. It would make no sense to send them to the same school just to appear fair and just. In our area the support in independent schools for Special educational needs is generally dire because they are so selective but it can be excellent in state schools (it is in our state primary). Our son has SENs and would neither get in nor thrive in the independent sector. That doesn’t mean that I would rule it out for DD if I felt it would benefit her. I am sure there are areas where this is reversed and the support is better in the independent sector. As long as you make sure your children feel involved in the decision, you make the decision in good faith and are open about your reasons then you are doing the best you can. I don’t think you need to compensate your son as he will be receiving the best education for him and it might insinuate that you felt his school was inferior.

Thank you.

I think I would offered DD2 the choice and I know there is a school that could be more suitable for her as classes are very small but it has to be relative local as I don't want her to be commuting too far when there is a good comprehensive she may get it. So is either that or the comprehensive.

Is there another private school which may suit the younger child better? I wouldn’t send on to private and the other to state, but I might send them both to different private schools. I think you have to do the same for both.

Interestingly the daughter of The Head of DD’s School does NOT attend the school, although his son does.
This is because she has SN and there isn’t the provision at the Private school to help her whereas there is at the local State Primary
I was actually quite surprised but neither of my dc have SN so the Private school is the best fit for them
As plenty of people have said it does to a large extent depend on the child but unless there is a VERY good reason it’s unfair and canbreed resentment

Surely it is about the OP funding the right school for each child.

Where I live there is 1 private secondary school in the entire city. It is a selective school & academicsly quite pushy with strict rules & no leeway.

Ds benefits from being in a more relaxed environment with a room to go to when he’s feeling overwhelmed & less pressure about homework. He could not cope with the longer school day & pace of lessons.

Dd thrives under academic pressure & a strict routine. She is a very fast processor. However she detests religion (there is a state religious grammar school) & also hates sport.