Dealing with a year 10 who...

[DorothyL]

Is at a very selective grammar where she wants to stay for sixth form but her predicted grades put her close to the wire/below.
Nevertheless she is highly reluctant to commit to regular work. Hates itand resists it when I try to set up rules about time/phones in room etc
Leads to constant arguments and misery.
She accuses me of being a horrible mother who is unsupportive when I say I'm so worried she'll be devastated on results day and by then it will be too late.
If she gets a tesf result of say 44 % and I react worried and try to get to the bottom of it she says I make her feel bad and upset.

What do I do? Should I just completely step back and let her get on with it, or keep trying?

.

Funnily enough have just told yr 10 ds to get off computer and buck his ideas up. I have said he needs to get a plan together. Shame he can’t get GCSE Procastination .

I just don't know how to be positive when she announces she'll do two hours of work and two hours she clearly hasn't. We've been over everything so many times, she knows what she needs to do but she's just not doing it. School is quite hands off - the thing is if she leaves there are plenty of others who will fill the sixth form places.

My only perhaps consolatory observation is that she is still earlyish in Y10 and some children mature a lot by the time the GCSEs come round. My younger son, now Y12, was remarkably lazy and constantly did the minimum in Y10 but he got his act together in Y11 and got the grades he needed.

I'm not sure how much you can make them work.

Here's hoping!!
That's what I mean, maybe I just need to let her be and let it play out?

Step back and talk up other sixth form options, but not in a rude/critical way.

If she's close to the wire, not failing terribly then there would still be time to pull in back in Y11. Perhaps you could adopt a wait and see approach and see how she does in her Y10 exams?

Talk to school.

My ds isn't at a similar school and I'm amazed at their cool confidence. My ds is motivated, but only in the subjects he's interested in: despite being a prolific reader he finds English a total bore. When I've discussed it with the school they've said not to worry-he's bright enough to get the top grades and they'll do their best to make sure he gets those grades.

However, we have implemented a couple of rules to help him out. No screens or anything until the bare minimum homework is done. It's a ball ache listening to the whinging but it means we've done our bit and given him the opportunity to succeed. The rest is up to him!

*is at

Will she have end of year exams? If she has poor results maybe it will spur her on to start Yr 11 with a more positive attitude to study?

Yes she has exams - quite early, after Easter. I will see how those go and back off for now. It's just so bloody frustrating!!

Re: close to the wire it's hard to tell. According to her report she is fine-ish, but in science tests esp she struggles to get more than 45 to 50 %

But what does 50% actually mean? That info is useless without any context. What are other people in her class getting? Even then, as it's a highly selective school, perception may be skewed.

About 50% on last year's maths GCSE paper would have got her a 7, for example and the grade boundaries for the new GCSE science are also likely to be low.

What does she need for sixth form?

She needs 57 points from eight subjects, with grades translating to points

This probably isn't what you want to hear but a child who can get into a super selective grammar and has presumably very good teachers and support can get good GCSEs but starting revising at Easter of year 11 if they're prepared to knuckle down.

A lot of marks can be gained by exam technique and practice questions. If she's bright she should do fine, she has a year to realise that she needs to take it seriously, don't spend that time at loggerheads with her.

Obviously don't tell her and keep some pressure on but don't fall out over it.

Thank you - it's reassuring although I am still a bit doubtful if seven 7's and one 8 can be pulled out of the bag in a few months?

What are the school predicting at the moment?

It's not a few months, she'll have had 5 years at a highly selective school. I doubt there are many students who don't get 7s and 8s?

I think out of 120 in the year about 10 % don't make it.

In her last report she was said to be on course for 59 points vs 57 needed.

Predicted GCSE grades at this point in year 10, before there have been any grades awarded in most of the GCSEs that she is doing, are a best guess. As long as an is ticking over, I suspect she will be OK, assuming she ups her game, as most do, in year 11.

If it were me, I would start talking in more practical terms about alternative options for her. In any case, she will need a back up plan. Take her to open days at colleges etc. She’ll either see something she likes (and get fired up about it ) and have a course to aim for ( great) .. or it could make her realise she doesn’t want to leave her current network behind and put the wind up her a bit.

^ this. Try to take some of the emotion out of it. Praise effort, try not to criticize. Easier said than done!

Fwiw, my ds's friend didn't get into their super selective sixth form. He's doing A levels at his nearest comprehensive (didn't look anywhere else because the whole family seemed to have their heads in the sand a bit), and is enjoying being one of the bright ones rather than one of the stragglers. Ds didn't go to that sixth form either (could have), is at sixth form college instead, and enjoying the wider horizons.

So the alternative isn't necessarily a disaster. Not that that really helps with the day to day frustration - hang in there!