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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Secondary school places - tips for making the best of it

68 replies

HolyShet · 01/03/2018 10:29

Allocation Day today

A few of us on the other thread didn't get the places we wanted.

DD got third preference of three (our safety net option). It just doesn't feel right for her. Lots of people happy with it, but feels too small, curriculum and world view a bit limited. And it's a faith school where we have none. We will stay on waiting lists but in the meantime need to be positive

Thought I would shout out for any good examples of where it all turned out for the best.

and ways to support DD really.

OP posts:
McButtonwillow · 01/03/2018 10:33

Following as we’re in similar position.

My ds doesn’t know yet and I really need to be able to put a positive spin on it when I tell him as I suspect he’s going to be extremely disappointed. Planning to get all my negativity out of the way before he comes home!

TeenTimesTwo · 01/03/2018 10:33

Well, size means the teachers will know who she is.
Core curriculum is the same everywhere and if there is something she is really interested in you can probably find a club out of school.
Faith school means she will get an understanding of that faith and, if Christian, the faith that underpins British history.

You haven't said the actual education is poor and none of your negatives really impact the education aspect that much.

Sorry for your disappointment.

netflixandpill · 01/03/2018 10:34

following as we got our third choice and are absolutley gutted.

CotswoldStrife · 01/03/2018 10:36

We got her second choice and as I said on the other thread, I thought we were a bit marginal for her first choice so had been talking up the second choice school anyway! I was disappointed but she was really pleased this morning which was such a relief!

We have to accept within a week so she wants to go to school, see where everyone else is going before deciding whether to go on the waiting list for her first choice.

DD is nervous in general about moving schools and the first choice had a number of settling in days (rather than just one as the second choice school has) so that would have been ideal.

PhilODox · 01/03/2018 10:43

Please remember to accept the place you've been offered, then get on the waiting list for your preferred choice (s).
Big-up the positive things about moving up- bigger pool of friends, increasing independence, moving-on from relationships at primary that they've outgrown etc. Shiny new uniform and pencil case if that's what motivates your child!
You need to make your child believe you're thrilled and positive, then they will be too.

tiggytape · 01/03/2018 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kidssendingmenuts · 01/03/2018 11:11

Make sure you accept the place, it won't make your waiting list on others suffer. But if you don't accept and you don't end up getting in one of the others on appeal or the list the place you originally got may get reallocated to someone else and you could end up anywhere!

CotswoldStrife · 01/03/2018 11:17

I know all Councils do it differently, but ours doesn't put you on a waiting list automatically - you have to opt in, there's a form that says you want to accept your offer (which we will do, regardless) or other options such as accept this offer AND go on the waiting list for preferred schools, etc.

If they all did it the same way it would be easier!

I think DD is waiting because she may not want to go on the waiting list for her first one now. As I said earlier, she was really pleased despite it being her second choice. All her close friends are going to different schools from each other though, so they'll have to keep in touch another way!

Original poster
HolyShet · 01/03/2018 11:48

In our borough we don't have to do anything, automatically assumes you accept unless you tell them otherwise. Automatically on waiting list for first choice until all appeals are registered in late April.

Ofsted says the school she has is "good". It was in Special Measures a few years ago and had been the absolute last resort for local parents when birth years were low - but new head @ 3 years ago and much improved. It's got a reputation for being nurturing and inclusive. Curriculum is limited in comparison to other choices (only language offered is Spanish, for comparison DS1 is doing German, Latin, French and Spanish/other bigger schools offering great creative options too graphics, photography, doing triple science is seen as a freak anomaly); the sixth form is crap and its notoriously hard to get 6th form places elsewhere in the borough; it isn't an academically focussed school at all and I'm not convinced by their approach to more able students. I find it being a faith school with exhortations to pray for support in exams deeply problematic. I don't want her to have to attend worship if she doesn't wish to. There, let it out now.

Primary school have just rung, pastoral lead - she will go and have a chat with DD.

OP posts:
ReinettePompadour · 01/03/2018 12:01

We got 2nd choice. Its ok, we have another dc there but its going downhill quickly so didnt want another dc dragged through the school.

Reading the information given our 1st option school is taking 210 students and 190 have been refused a place. Im not sure with 189 other appellants that we would have any chance. We are 8 miles outside the last admitted student and we dont have a sibling or attend a catchment area primary school. Im putting our name on the waiting list but I'm not hopeful.

EduCated · 01/03/2018 12:13

Those worried about going to different schools to friends - friendships often change anyway as they meet new people, so there’s no guarantee of them still being friends in a year or so if they did get into the same school. Also if they can keep friendships with others from outside school, it can broaden their networks a bit and gives them options outside of school, particularly in a couple of years or so when the Year 9 dramas start!

Shattered04 · 01/03/2018 12:24

EduCated - I'd agree with you normally, but DD has diagnosed ASD and struggles very much socially. In order to get off on the right footing, she's really going to need the support of her best friends, even if the friendships drift later on.

Original poster
HolyShet · 01/03/2018 12:39

Oh god are there Y9 dramas, we've already had year 3,4 and 6 dramas.....

I feel a bit of an arse for complaining about a perfectly ok school.

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 01/03/2018 12:49

I cannot imagine how anyone thinks they would have a chance to get into a school where they live 8 miles away from the furthest successful applicant from previous years. Being realistic regarding applications is key. Also it’s not a choice. You do not get to choose. You express a preference.

Regarding being positive, you have to be. It is always best to be upbeat about the school you are likely to get or have been given. I have seen health problems arise where the doom and gloom has continued for years. The expectation of going elsewhere and being permanently disappointed can make children reluctant to make friends because they think they will move on, so they do not bother and isolate themselves. Therefore try and embrace what you have got and look for the good things. There will be some! I do agree lack of MFL choice is poor but lots of schools have this problem. I think you take prayers with a pinch of salt. Lots of children won’t take this seriously and neither should you.

Also, you can’t expect your child to end up being a mini you. They may well make up their own mind about religion and their beliefs and they may differ from yours. You just have to be grown up about it and respect other people.

If you go on a wait list, be sensible about chances of getting in: the angst just is not worth it if you don’t.

BackToBaileys · 01/03/2018 12:58

I just hope my dd likes the school (3rd "reluctant" choice) she has been given. When I looked around it I found it totally uninspiring and hoped she wouldn't go there.

I hated the school I went to and ended up bunking off most of year 10 and 11 because I hated it but my mum just couldn't get me into a different school. Sad

Original poster
HolyShet · 01/03/2018 13:02

I do agree Bubbles on the not living in limbo thing. Waitlist here is only till mid April. Until then we are going to be So Very Positive about the school she's got. But it'd hard when you are uninspired. But easier than if you are genuinely facing a totally shit option.

She's already come to her own conclusions on religion, the school has bloody posters on the wall saying Getting Good Results With Jesus etc which even aged 10 on the open day she couldn't help but eye roll at. And - the other local schools DO offer these other - great - options. And she just doesn't want to go there.

OP posts:
cricketballs3 · 01/03/2018 13:11

the other local schools DO offer these other - great - options

I often point out on the threads in October about choice of schools to not depend on the current options being available for your DC as they are very dependant on teaching staff/resources etc and can/do change year on year, especially with MFL offerings

MissFrost · 01/03/2018 13:13

My DS didn't get any of the 5 we put down. I'd discounted the one he did get when I was doing all the research at application stage.
really don't know what to do next.

tiggytape · 01/03/2018 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yvest · 01/03/2018 13:17

If you want a positive story. DS1 got our second choice and we were all devastated he didn’t get first choice. Round after round of offers and he still didn’t get it. Finally he got an offer the day before year 8 started and turned it down as the second choice school was absolutely the right place for him and he loved it from the minute he set foot in there.

BubblesBuddy · 01/03/2018 13:27

I think children who see posters every day and several times a day just end up ignoring them. They are wallpaper! I went to c of e schools from start to finish. If you don’t care for religion, you don’t engage. I would honestly save your ire for something more important. Lots of children won’t care for it and probably half the school roll their eyes! I would be much more concerned about the quality of teaching and the curriculum.

ReinettePompadour · 01/03/2018 13:44

I cannot imagine how anyone thinks they would have a chance to get into a school where they live 8 miles away

Because my other dc has a place at a school 7.5 miles away (so 0.5 miles from my 1st choice) and my 2 neighbours dc go to that school thats 8 miles away. Hmm The figures sent today for the school state that the last admitted distance within the catchment area was 0.19 miles.

MissFrost · 01/03/2018 13:45

He met the distance for at least one of the schools and we phones the admissions helpline and they advised we should get that choice but this is a high birth rate year and the distance must have increased :-(
He's my first child so unfortunately no sibling links.

Waiting lists it is :-(

tiggytape · 01/03/2018 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissFrost · 01/03/2018 14:05

Thanks for your kind words tiggytape.
I think once I know where he is on the lists then I'll feel much better. Apparently in our area the lists aren't defined until March 25th so we have a bit of a waiting game.
We really don't want him to go to the school we've been given so are really tempted to reject and just play the waiting game with a view to a family and friends run home school for a while if he doesn't get anywhere for September!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now to try to stay positive with him while my head is in turmoil.