Giving to charity at school

[thereisabetterway]

I would be interested to hear your opinion on this.

DS is at a private school (secondary level) where they "support" a charity about 6 times a year with a Mufti Day. So, pupils turn up in home clothes in return for a donation.

However the school dictates that it will be £2 per child and insist on the money being handed in to the teacher in registration the day before the actual Mufti Day. I believe they either then tick off the pupil's name or write down the amount but they certainly check them off in some way. Those who don't give or only hand in £1 are pressured and "told" that they must turn up with it the next day. They've also been told that if they wait until the actual Mufti Day to hand in their money it will be £3.

So, in reality there is no choice whatsoever. The only ones who don't wear mufti seem to be those who have genuinely forgotten.

Most of the charities they support are the well-known ones.

I appreciate that £2 is not much but it's the principle that I object to. It just teaches are children to go along with the crowd - it's not teaching them about giving generously and because they want to.

What do you wise people think?

Like me you are an indie parent, so £2 is a very small amount. Our school do similar with Mufti days (never knew what Mufti was until mine went to indie - too posh a phrase for me). The rules in your school are rather strict. Ours just say £2 on the day, some DC remember, some forget. Ours has House weeks where they raise (considerable) amounts of money for charities which have been picked by the students. Perhaps you should approach the head and make some suggestions, including relaxing the rules on Mufti days?

I get fed up of the constant asking for money especially my DDs school. PTA & schools chosen charity it is all very pressure & money grabbing which takes away the spirit of it all.
We are feeling the pinch aswell.

I did approach the head, Astronotus, but he was very frosty; I put it to him that my opinion is that the whole charity side of things is very much something for parents to discuss with their children at home and that it is a private matter, not something that should be forced upon pupils by the school. He denied that it has any bearing on the school's charitable status and simply didn't answer when I asked whether he stipulated how much his staff have to give.

As I said, I know that £2 is insignificant for fee-paying parents [although there are no doubt a number who make huge sacrifices and only just manage to pay the fees, extras, uniform etc] but that is not my point. We - or rather our children - should not be forced to give and to give a stipulated amount. It's wrong.

tallulah: I totally agree - it is pressure that is inappropriate and unacceptable, all wrapped up in a pretence of "generous giving". Our children should not be in the position where they fear being shamed by not coughing up.

thereisabetterway. You're right of course that no child should be forced to give to charity. They do however need to learn to give to charity, from their parents and their school, if they can afford it. Sounds like you have a very unfriendly head. These mufti days are run in many schools I know of.

Indeed they do, Astronotus. And part of the learning about the charity sector should include many aspects of how such organisations are run, how much funding reaches those who need it, what proportion of donations goes on marketing and so on; and we as parents - with our own preferences and passions - need to guide and help our children to be able to make their own decisions as they grow. There is a huge need for funding in so many voluntary sectors but there are also other ways in which we can help and support - giving money is one way but not the only way.

Most schools do ask the children to nominate "this year's chosen charity" and vote which one to support. They usually have kids on the charity committee and it is often the kids that suggest mufti days as they like wearing home clothes

Participating in a school event for charity does not I. One whit prevent you from setting an example to your add about his and why you give to charity. This isn't either/or.

And if you have charities for which your Dc wish to fundraise, perhaps you could encourage them to raise it with the school - as pupil initiatives are often backed.

Also, do check who decides which charities benefit from mufti day before commenting on them. If it's Pupil Parliament or similar, you will look silly rapidly if you end up complaining that the schools is running events voted and decided upon by the pupils. And if someone is part if a community which has decided to do X, then they need to learn to decide whether they support their community or not (I am assuming that affordability is not the issue)

£2 could still be a lot of money to someone at an indie school, lots on bursary scrimp and save to manage to send their children to school.
My daughters independent school vote for a charity each year to support, usually a local one and then one perhaps international charity. The money is raised from Christmas fairs and other events like a ball etc. No pressure is applied to contribute.
My daughter has an occasional mufti (we called it mufti at my comp so I think it's a universally known word and not particularly 'posh' ) but they don't have to pay to do this.

If you don’t want to give to the charity, then show up in uniform.

You are unlikely to be badgered for an insufficient donation for very long.

But, seriously, join in and support the concept of giving to those less fortunate. It is a good lesson in British values to your DC.

I don’t think this is just an independent school thing? My DC have similar at state schools (well, £1 rather than £2 and maybe less pressure to donate).

CraftyGin: who says I don't support the concept of giving to those less fortunate? We do; I believe it is our job as parents to do so - not the school's.

My point is that the pupils should not (a) be told what they must give, (b) be threatened with having to give more if they've not paid BEFORE Mufti Day, and (c) feel under so much pressure that they dare not opt out.

This sort of pressure should not exist in the school setting and, from my knowledge and experience of state schools, there is far greater free will and no humiliation and shaming if pupils (or their parents) decide not to give at all or to only give a small amount.

Rudi44 also makes a valid point.

Is it really a problem for families at private schools to pay £12 a year to a charity? It probably validates their charitable status, makes the school 'appear' saintly and gives the children a sense of privilege. If you dont like it dont go private, surely?

or alternatively just say NO and teach children to stand up for themselves.

My dc have attended private and state schools in three different countries they have all done this in slightly different ways for charities. Some I have had no time for, paying for church pews in a developing country, others like equipment for neo natal wards I have more sympathy for. But it is a very small amount of money and encourages a sense of collective giving, often with some chat about the charity. I think it is a standard educational practice.

As I have clearly explained, it's not the concept of giving to charity, it's not the £2/3 per Mufti Day ... it's the bullying pupils into it so it's not simply a case of saying "no" as the children get penalised for it. It's wrong and I'm sure state schools wouldn't get away with it.

I've also said that the head claims it has no impact on the school's charitable status [although I'm not sure that's true].

I feel b) and c) are valid points, but a) is probably to stop people feeling pressured to bring in more. As long as the donation is suitably small it prevents parents and kids feeling compelled to bring in £10 or more each time.

I doubt this has anything to do with the school's charitable status. That will be based on providing educational support and (probably) being a not for profit organisation.

I think if you want this type of school, you have to accept their rules! It’s nit a massive deal in the overall scheme of things when you choose a school. We had mufti walks, mufti days, ball and other charity events. Plenty had bursaries but I cannot remember those children not joining in because it was a £1 donation.

The school was more interested in raising money for itself and that was a much harder sell!!! Put mufti day in the shade. A tiered circle of donors was founded and dinner invites, lists of donors and other events to make the very wealthy who donated feel good about themselves!