Year 7 Parents Evening - Unavailable slots for core subjects

[User32243535]

Sorry, but this might turn into a bit of a rant.

DC (Y7) attends what is meant to be a well respected grammar school. But at the moment, I am struggling to comprehend how they have developed such a lousy system for arranging parents evening appointments.

DC is our eldest child so we were not acquainted with this system before and didn't see it coming. Basically, we received a report and then according to the report, we were advised (via dc taking a sheet around to their teachers and booking a time slot) to arrange a meeting with the necessary teachers.

DC is a scatter brain and this hasn't helped with making the arrangements but on eventually contacting their teachers for Maths and English. dc was informed that there were no available slots left. Sorry, but Maths and English are core subjects and we care about our dc's education, I am fuming that we are not able to discuss these subjects with the relevant teachers (parents evening is held on just one evening).

DC doesn't have huge difficulties in these areas but reading the report there are one or two areas for improvement and I think it is important to discuss these two subjects in particular.

Anyone else experienced similar? The system of arranging slots on a piece of paper seems outdated from the outset. I e-mailed the head teacher regarding my concerns about dc not securing appointments a few days ago and I haven't received a response and I'm not able to discuss with anyone as the school office is now closed (dc has just informed me of the situation, which I believed would be resolved today.) Quite frankly not impressed with the schools communication either right now in regard to replying to my e-mail. Grrrrh...just so frustrated!

Just email or ask for a phone call. Parents evenings are 5 minute slots and if you get a parent that goes over (I had one yell at me for twenty minutes despite her daughter being the one who never did her work...) you end up pushed on again. I have done 6 till 9 non stop more than once. It’s rushed and difficult and no way would I be doing it over two nights. I have a life too!! I am always happy to phone anyone who misses it if I have concerns.

I appreciate that there were not enough appointments, not ideal but some parents will never attend a parents evening and from experience the sheet and appointments system is largely to a) ensure parents are offered the chance to turn up and so the teacher has some vague idea of who is actually planning to come and b) give the pupil responsibility to listen to the teacher tell them how parents evening in high school operates and for the pupil to follow the instructions and sign up to slots with staff. A great opportunity to see how a pupil responds to instructions and then carries out what has been asked of them. In this case a parent who is clearly very hands on was let down - I still feel that then trying to blame the system and analyse how it should be changed detracts from what actually happened - her DS did not follow the instructions. Hopefully this is a lesson learned. Most schools will happily get feedback for you from your child’s teachers at any point during the year. You should not be attending a parents evening and getting any shocks. I also preferred my child to do the talking at parents evening and see them communicate with their teacher with me there as support for both - as in “is there anything that we can do at home to help DC to improve etc?”. I’m not a teacher but having been a parent with DCs in education since the late 1990s I will vouch for the vast majority of teachers being fantastic. Demands of parents has definitely changed with time. Teach your children to be organised and I bet life becomes much easier. Parents running into school with forgotten kit, books etc etc because child has text them is ridiculous- they will never learn to be responsible and organised if Mum or dad are constantly picking up after them and smoothing the way ahead. This is not harsh it’s simply how we learn to be adults. Along with not losing sight as to what the actual problem is rather than creating another problem to blame because we don’t like the reality. Modern life is being over complicated by people searching for blame rather than simply saying DS failed to follow the instructions given by the teacher and as a result all of the slots have gone. Not ideal I will have to try and communicate with staff another way. More importantly what can I do to ensure DS learns from his mistake?

@BlueLegume thank goodness the overwhelming majority of parents are like you and are sensible and supportive of what schools are doing. The small but increasingly vociferous minority take up most of my time as a teacher - I agree 100% that kids aren't given the opportunity to learn from their mistakes if their parents constantly run after them or are apologists for their shoddy attitude or behaviour.

Gosh I expected to be flamed for my old fashioned simplistic views! I really appreciate that Queenof.

I’m far far from perfect. I’m very straightforward in my approach to problems with myDC. Yes things go wrong. Where did it go wrong what can we do to avoid it happening again. Identify the problem, ie being disorganised and put a strategy in place to prop up any weakness in this area so it’s avoidable and doesn’t hinder the parts of life you are good at. I’m afraid my simplistic approach is now so outdated people don’t get it.

@BlueLegume your views are not outdated at all. We need more of this approach. Some parents think teachers and schools are the enemy and will do everything to put obstacles in the way of effective home/school working when really all everyone wants is the best outcomes possible for kids. Team work makes the dream work!

I don't think it's outdated at all. Surely working with the school and teachers to ensure our kids are happy and successful is the best approach?

I agree! My kids are independent and they need to make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences - I have no isssue with the kids getting detention or additional homework. That's the schools consequences for messing up.
DS has been on report as a visual reminder of his behaviour - acts the clown in front of his friends - so messes in lessons. It's the schools way of dealing with a school problem. He hates it but has the choice of behaving in lessons.

cantkeepawayforever A dad at dc primary school was banned from parents evening after being aggressive enough to have a young female teacher on her own in tears. He seemed quite proud it when he was regaling other parents with the story in the playground

I had to ask a parent to leave a meeting last week as she wouldn't stop shouting at me, despite me asking her to stop on several occasions. Told her that kind of behaviour wouldn't be tolerated in a doctor's or dentist's so I didn't see why I should be subjected to it. She still persisted so I told her if she didn't leave I'd have no option but to call our Campus Cop and ask him to remove her from the premises.
This totally explains her boy's behaviours and attitudes.
She did phone later to apologise but unfortunately I was 'in a meeting'. I now have her apology in black and white in an email.
Cheeky boot.

CatMuffin, absolutely.

Luckily I entered teaching when slightly older, but I can still find e.g. parents with convictions for GBH a little intimidating both in prospect and reality, and nobody likes being shouted at / sneered at / continually undermined.

I would say that I experience intimidation at least once per parents' evening, and the majority of it wouldn't happen if the situation was even a little more public than an isolated classroom with a closed door.

Crikey cant that's awful. In that situation the school really should be looking into making that safer for you.
I can't remember ever being physically intimidated. Harangued, yes, but not threatened.

The thing is, what WOULDN'T feel particularly physically or verbally intimidating in a large hall surrounded by colleagues and onlookers can feel VERY intimidating when in a 1 teacher : 2 adults situation in an empty room on a dark night.

So I have been physically threatened relatively few times, but I have FELT physically or verbally intimidated often - large burly men leaning over and shouting, very personal verbal comments, verbal attacks on professional competence, refusal to leave - and I'm no shrinking violet.

(Tbh, the 'you're only a stupid little female primary teacher, I'm a big professional boss man so you will do what I say or else' act is probably the worst, and the most common.)

Have you asked your school to change its practice? It sounds like it needs to.

The vast majority of parents at my school are fine. I think the ones who might potentially be a problem don't usually show up.

Single teachers in individual rooms is pretty much universal primary practice, tbh - and it's a very naice school, so no strong reason to change 'how it has always been done'.

You don't think being intimidated by large burly men with no one else around is a strong reason to change how it's done?!

When my DC were at primary school it wasn't unusual for the female teachers to sit nearest the door and the two chairs for parents were away from the door. I assume that was deliberate. That was in a naice area but there was one parent who I (and all the other parents) knew was a nasty piece of work. The head used to sit in on the discussions with whatever teacher was meeting him.

There was one father at the secondary I taught at who would get right in teacher's faces and ask them what their "problem" with his DD was, and insist, red faced and spittle flying, that "all the other teachers love her, and she does great in all her other subjects, so the problem is you".

He did this to almost every teacher.

The move to parents evenings in the hall made this abundantly clear, and he was escorted out and didn't attend at all in his DD's final year.

She was a junior female version of her dad in terms of attitude, with C/D borderline grades which could have been dragged up to B/C with an attitude transplant, but any report or communication which didn't describe her unequivocally as a delight to have in the class and an unquestionable genius was apparently proof to her dad that the teacher was unfairly biased against her.

She was a junior female version of her dad in terms of attitude,

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

It never ceases to amaze me when you get totally obnoxious parents who can't work out why their children aren't beautifully polite, considerate and a delight to teach.

There was a boy in one of my DCs classes who told the staff that they were there to help him and that included sharpening pencils when he needed it etc etc. Having seen his parents in the playground and the father telling the mother that it was her job to carry everything for him and the children it was obvious where the boy got it from.

I love those moments at Parents nights when you catch a colleague's eye across the room for the "Ah, THAT explains it..." 😃

It never ceases to amaze me when you get totally obnoxious parents who can't work out why their children aren't beautifully polite, considerate and a delight to teach
You're telling me.

I hate the 'I'm a white, middle aged, middle class man so i'm going to try and intimidate you as a lowly woman' thing. It doesn't intimidate me now. I just think they are a complete and utter tosser who is trying to compensate for something.

OP
Last year I had 2 Y8 classes. 64 students. There aren't enough slots.
I'd happily do a follow up call with a parent who wanted to hear from me, but wouldn't be terribly happy if someone was arsey with me because they didn't get a slot

I love those moments at Parents nights when you catch a colleague's eye across the room for the "Ah, THAT explains it..." 😃

I can imagine

CarrieBlue. Of course I realise teachers work very long hours. My DC have had some really hardworking teachers and as a family we have always been very appreciative of their efforts and emailed and told them and their superiors so. I was just referring, in this instance, to the comment of an extra 25 mins from another poster.

I don't get your parent bingo comment, probably just as well. Your comment "maybe consider that your dc is at secondary school now and take a step back" is an amusing one as the thread is discussing an invite from the school to parents to attend a parents' evening. Mind you if many parents stepped back from parents' evenings there would be many more slots available!

I always asked my sons to make one appointment for a subject they wanted me to hear about and one appointment for one they didn't-anything more than that was a bonus!
If a teacher needed to speak because there was a problem, they would ensure an appointment was made, if no teachers insisted, my sons would think themselves lucky!
The youngest has Aspergers so organisation was not his strong point, he made me one appointment at 4 and the next at 5.30 once and couldn't understand why I was a little peeved

Astronotus - there you go, you’ve got it. Take a step back, email or phone about your not urgent problem and then the teacher will have enough slots to see those who really need to be seen.