Independent schools - what are the parental networking, PTAs like?

[issywacky]

I'm really curious (and stressed) as DD is going through the process at a number of indies in the Manchester region (Manchester, Withington, Stockport, Bede's, a lot I know ). I support the PTA at her school and have made lifelong friends through their events.

Without sounding like a pushy parent, what are the parenting communities (e.g. PTAs) like? I hear mixed feedback.....my friends whos DC are in state schools say its non existent and DC really don't want parents interfering like in junior school but I would like to be involved if she gets into an indie, especially as the girls seem to come from different living areas.

Any experiences would be helpful should we need to factor into decision making. Thanks!

issywacky
I hope you realise in year 7, we didn't know 1/2 of our two lads friends, by year 9/10 it was probably 8/10 of their friends. Eldest is in year 13, I know 1 of his mates. I know more of this rugby/police cadet friends. Sorry but once at secondary school parents have no say in who their children make friends with.
Eldest has had 3 girlfriends never met one of them or their parents, youngest on 2nd, never met first, we have met 2nd twice and he met her parents on Christmas day.
Year 11 leavers ball students only, they had a ball. I would have been horrified if my parents had gone to school discos (1980's)
My kids equally.
But ours aren't boarding or out at 0700 and home at1900 like lots of private school kids, no Saturday schools either, so I suppose they don't need us at school as they see every morning/night/weekend.
As Ds1 said the other day ,they are boring but okay, to one of his mates.

"Eldest has had 3 girlfriends never met one of them or their parents, youngest on 2nd, never met first, we have met 2nd twice and he met her parents on Christmas day."

How can they afford to go out all the time?

DD's boyfriend is here quite often. Neither of them have the money to go out a lot, and his parents don't like either of their boys bringing anyone home. It's winter and gets dark early and they don't want to spend much time outside either.

Secondary school does tend to turn parents into a mere taxi service. Woo betide you if you dare ring a doorbell and speak to other parents! I know 4 of the other 6 mum's from her friendship group to say hi & have a general chit chat with and the other two I've never met. I'd recognise 3 of the dads if I saw them. I'm afraid OP regardless of whether your DC goes to a state or indy secondary school that you may have to take some deep breaths and step back, especially as the friends they make in the first few weeks may quickly move on. They seem to develop some permanence in year 10 & 11, by which time parents are just a general source of embarrassment.

DD can afford to go out all the time, eat in nice chain restaurants (not McDs) and live in bubble tea/ coffee shops because she gets generously rewarded for working hard at school and tops up her allowance with a part time job.

Lonicera
Eldest was in years 8 with 1st and it was a school thing, as was girl in year 9, last girlfriend, lived in next town and was 10 minute bike ride/25 minute walk. Their "dates" where in local park and odd ie 2 trips to cinema. She plays netball for county and he plays rugby.
Lasted 6/7 months, he hasn't bothered since and she is single too, both too involved with their sports.
Youngest 1st girlfriend on/off for year 7/8 mainly in school. Jess, is year 11 to his 10 and they walk 3 miles each and meet in middle. Mainly in market town, pocket money pays them a drink/snack each.
I remember doing same, no money, walk/cycle. Meet in park.
They all seemed just happy to be together.
we live in semi rural Holderness, most kids are cash strapped. It's amazing what you can do we nothing. Also think none of them wanted their parents to meet there "boyfriend/girlfriend" as it bloody awkward and embarrassing.
Maybe it is a local custom but most parents have similar stories, its only ones who DC are in long standing relationships who meet other person. In fact with first 2 with eldest we didn't even know he was going out at the time, nothing to do with us. He knows he tell us anything anytime, and does, we don't need to know everything, in fact I think it does them the world of good, letting make their own way in the world, know mum/dad is always there if you need them, but won't demand to be in life all the time.
In fact both share more voluntarily with us, then other Dc do when asked.

Lonicera
Ours get £5/month from a childless great aunt, if they ask we give money for cinema, petrol etc.
Eldest volunteers for police cadets, trains and plays rugby and is madly revising for Year 13 a levels. Plus looking for part time job Monday/Tuesday evenings, only time he is free.
In last 10 days he has come home and said, 10th Feb going to Angel's 18th. Next day, meet mates from rugby and going to cinema, is okay to watch name of film. it was. Then his ex school mates have arranged to go to goKarting, was it okay and can I use some of my savings. He didn't have to tell us any of this. because he can get his own money, but felt he should.
But his best friend from primary who's mum and dad have always been heavily involved with him, even have girlfriends sleep over at 10 years old, now find he doesn't tell them anything, even to the point where it was his FE college and girlfriends parent (that they knew nothing about) who reported both missing after 3 days, Luckily they where found safe.

DD went to an indie mixed Junior school and the School (not necessarily the PTA) were much more involved in helping friendships. We got an annual booklet which had all the names of her classmates and the contact details for their parents.

However at Secondary School (single sex indie day school) this doesn't exist and the children make their own arrangements.

However they have class tutors and Heads of Year who are much more proactive. Their only function is the well being of the children and can help them in any way - pastoral or educational.

I'm not aware of our PTA - not sure it's really a thing at the Senior School. I know they run an annual Summer fete but that's it - the rest of the activities are run by the school.