Worried about my son starting highschool

[Miracle29]

Hi everyone I'm new here. My son turned 10 in August and he's the youngest in his class he'll be starting highschool in September and will only just be 11. I'm a little worried as he's such a shy quiet boy always has been. He's ok if people approach him but not good at making friends himself. He tends to put his head down around kids he doesn't know. He's so nervous about highschool. The teachers love him in primary school always complementing his manners which is lovely to hear. Another problem the teachers have is if he doesn't understand something he won't ask for help he'd rather struggle then get upset or embarrassed if questioned. He has also been bullied in the past it was awful to see him so upset and scared to tell the teachers. His primary school is only small with 200 pupils and the highschool is over 900. He's not very sporty and does get shouted at by kids in pe sessions for not passing ball or missing the goals ECT and he takes it all to heart. We have visited the highschool and it took him 1 hour to start to explore on his own or join in with the tasks there I understand help be nervous it's a big step maybe I'm more nervous than him I don't know. I'm just not sure how to approach the highschool talk or prepare him. It terrifies me. Anyone with any advice will be much appreciated thankyou.

no major dramas that I have been aware of from his side
I've been pleased with that with year 9 dd and her friends too. I never hear of any fallings out or nastiness.

I just wanted to add a bit of reassurance
My Ds started secondary this sept(year 7)
He's a home body,shy,a worrier and a thinker.hates sport.he moved up friendless as his best mate moved away in year 5 and he coasted year 6 a loner
First month he was very quiet and a bit reserved.ovee the summer he started going out older sister and then practising getting to n from school by himself before sept started
He did find that first month hard,then some random kid in his class he had to sit next to in ethics ask him join his friends at lunch and BOOM.everything slotted together.he found his groove and he's doing ok now
It's a horrible wrench watching them flounder in a new environment but he will find his feet and I've discovered the non sporty kids tend quickly locate "others of their kind".my D's loves books and minecraft/lego.hs still does all these things at home
We used lots positive language
"Chance make new friends
Try new things
Etc and still do.sure he's discovered rugby truly is hell in earth but ethics and philosophy is his favourite class he avoids the mad lunch hall,but has a quiet spot he sits with his new friends.he still hasn't wanted contact with them outside of school but we aren't overly worried.he will be ok.our school has a six week review with tutor to address concerns.if your school doesn't operate this policy it's worth asking if you feel he's still really out of his depth at that point.and agree pp about finding who are the pastoral care providers

Forgiveness your ds sounds lovely and well done to him for getting so far. Perfectly it is certainly a change for us. At every parent evening I always get he's a lovely boy but so shy and can do with coming out of his shell but none of the teachers except th3 one he has now has ever helped or put him forward for plays to help him. He's been home and said he's struggled with certain things and when he does find the courage to ask they ignored him. They've left it until y6 to help him and bow have have to work harder and give him extra work ready for the sats he was meant to hav3 extra help but I don't think they've helped as much as they should they always focus on the children messing around.
Stilllivinginazoo my ds normally avoids busy places at school dinner if he sees someone messing about he'll go out of the way or sit the opposite side of the yard and when he tells me he's been alone my heart breaks but he says he's happy doing so when needed so there's nothing I can really do about that I do think at tim3s he likes his own space but my worry there is if it makes him a target for bullies if he does decide to be alone at any point

My y7 went from a one class per year primary to a secondary with 1500+.

He was very nervous and didn't believe it when his older siblings and I tried to reassure him on the social aspect. He's not particularly sporty but enjoys computer games and YouTube so lots of common ground to be had with other boys. He has made some good friends quickly much to everyone's relief.

He was very nervous about learning his way round too but they are given maps and there's lots of help if you can't find "Lab 2" or whatever.

I think the biggest shock is how much bigger the older teens are. Ds is about 5 foot tall so walking corridors with lots of 6 foot + kids is a shocker when you're used to seeing most people shorter than you. I know from experience that it won't be long until he's in the 6 foot club lol.

Aw OP, tell him my mansized, hairy Y8 still loves and plays with his lego.

I think it is nerve-wracking - both thinking about it in advance, and the first couple of weeks - especially if they have been at a primary school that is quite cosseting.

But the thing about Secondary School is he will find his people. You're not stuck - usually - with the same people all day every day. You can leave the old assumptions of who you are behind. There's more diversity in the lessons and the cohort. There is lots to look forward to.

Jaime my ds is tall but when we went highschool for opening evening the y11 were really tall with little beards!! I couldn't believe it they looked like college students. My ds is also into you tube videos drives me mad at times but he loves them.
Holyshet your post about your ds made m3 giggle bless him. I know the day I leave him to go highschool I'll be in floods of tears waiting for him to come home and hopefully say it's great and he made friends that's all I am hoping for is he gets some good friends and has the confidence to say if anything is bothering him. We have had the matter of how much money to take ad he currently has a packed lunch. The highschool as a card of some sort where you top up and use when you want a lunch there but not actually sure how that works yet so hopefully we will get some information on things like that

Miracle

A number (most) schools have a cashless system:

Either a card that you can top up on line or with cheque/cash at school
or
A cardless fingerprint system that is topped up the same way.

(The fingerprint system is better as you can't lose your finger or lend it to anyone else. The fingerprints themselves aren't stored, they are converted to a code.)
There is usually a limit on how much can be spent per day, and a way for you to see online what has actually been bought.

I've seen a number of y6 groups over the years. They grow up massively during y6 and especially during/after SATs. And then massively again in the holidays and up to the first half term.

Oh my lord this is so strange, i was speaking to a woman at a kids indoor centre on Sunday about this and her son was born in August too! She is the exact same as you about it all we had a little chat and we weere talking about my DSS is starting high school in Sept and he has some minor learning difficulties and is on the autistic spectrum and we have also been worried. i think it is natural for parents as a whole. My DD believe it or not - i'm not so worried about as she is always making new friends as she does dance comps etc and is constantly on show, making new mates...DSS on the other hand - is so shy, just wants to play on DS etc, not at all out going..how ever he has moved schools in the past 18months as his mum relocated to another town he had no problem making friends at his new primary as he found he had things in common such as DS, xbox etc. we are hoping this is the same with high school. How about you ask there high school about how the first day there would go, how they introduce each other etc. Honestly he will be fine, all the kids there will be in a simliar boat xxx

Teen times two it does seem like a good idea as money can easily be lost and at least you won't get the ive got more money than you comment from other children so I do like this idea.
Lastname thankyou and bless your dss hope he goes on ok. I'm just so glad I'm not the only one I was starting to think I was just been silly and overprotective. My ds isn't keen on going out to play he has in the past but not for long he'll come in and be happy on his Xbox or watching you tube or a movie and that's fine with me. He does struggle learning and taking things in but the teachers just say it's how he is and he's the youngest so bear that in mind so I just hope he gets the help he needs at highschool I wonder of the teachers at highschool get some kind of report on each child going to the school. I'm hoping when he has the transition that he comes home armed with leaflets and information on what happens day to day and a chart of where he has to go I spoke to him this morning and he says he feels ok about it for now.

If you go to the school website you may find a calendar of dates on there somewhere which might help you get your head round things.
If you are really lucky you may find a letters page with letters for the current y7s too.

At DD's school the first day in September is Y7s plus y10 'peer supporters' only. So they can be at the school on day 1 without all the scary big kids. Peer supporters are assigned to each tutor group and for the first couple of weeks they escort the kids between classes while they get to know their way around.

Again, at our school, the y6 primary teachers are asked to complete a short report on each child and this is one of the inputs used when deciding who is in which tutor group.

Top tip - take a copy of their timetable and have it on display at home.

That's a brilliant idea thankyou I'll take a look at the website. My goodness tg3 school uniform is more expensive in highschool too. I think when he starts the older years start an hour later so the y7 can get used to surroundings which I think is a good idea too.
The reports are good so the teachers have an idea what the children are like. I have heard they try to put some in the same class from the Same highschool for the first year so hopefully there's a familiar face