Think my dd is at wrong school for her!!

[Storminateacup74]

I think have possibly chosen the wrong school for my daughter. She is in year 7 at an all girls secondary modern where they share campus with the boys school. All lessons are single sex but breaks times and ex cirricular clubs are mixed. It is relatively strict and has excellent results and has been the top performing school in our area by a long way. However the bitchiness between the girls is horrible and because of their good reputation and results unless you are sporty or very academically able or musical you don't seem to really be noticed. She has been refused entry to a few extra cirricular clubs due to not being good enough. Every night there is some drama with friends which is taking precedence over her doing her homework. The mixed comprehensive nearby doesn't have a great academic reputation and has a large council estate catchment area but there nurturing and fairness to all pupils is amazing according to other parents. They are a lot more free on uniform rules and homework but there is also a lot of trouble there if you get in with the wrong crowd. I went to an all girls school and a said I would never send my child to a single sex school but was swayed because of their excellent academic record. My daughter likes it but isn't overly happy she has realised that you have to be the best to be recognised but she doesn't want to move schools. I just feel that the comp would suit her better and I really think she would do better away from a competitive bitchy atmosphere. Should i try and enforce a move or let her stay where she is. If she is going to move I think we need to do it sooner rather than later.

Just to clarify. You say 'secondary modern' then talk about high academics. Do you mean a traditional 'secondary modern' i.e. those who don't pass 11+? And they get better results than the comprehensive?

What are the progress 8 scores like? ie. the amount of progress made by pupils as opposed to the headline attainment?

It seems a shame not to be able to do extra curricular due to not being good enough.

However y6-8 is a peak time for drama amongst girls whatever type of school ...

Yes. We are in a grammar school area so those children that don't take the 11 plus go to either the co campus single sex schools or the comprehensive. 10 yrs ago it was failing but since having lots of money ploughed into it and taken over by an academy trust its results have got better and better. It also has a grammar stream for those children who didn't quite make the grammar and these are the children they seem to favour as they keep their results high. The general concenus here is if you pass the 11 plus you go the grammar if you are not grammar material but academicly where you should be or sporty you tend to go to these single sex co campus schools and if you are not particularly academic u go to the comprehensive.

Is there (for want a of better phrase) a bit of 'snob value' going on that decrees that the single sex schools are 'better' than the comp?

Is that really the reality?

Did you look round the comp? What did you think of it?

What are the progress 8 values like for your type of child (high/mid/low achiever) at each school?

Reputations about schools can hang on for years after a school has gone down hill or turned itself around.

DD's school is 0.9 well above average and comp is -0.28 below average. I got a lovely feel very relaxed and homely in the comp but just felt they don't push academically.

Problem is that they may be bitchy girls at the comp too.

OP, I definitely don't think you should force your daughter to move schools when she doesn't want to. Drama and bitchiness are not things that only happen at single sex schools! If your daughter gets caught up in friendship dramas that take precedence over homework at her current school, I would put money on that also happening if she moves schools! If your DD is not great at getting her homework done even at a school that is quite strict, I can imagine her getting next to nothing done at the comprehensive that is "more free" on homework. What's more, if you force her to move against her will, she is going to see any problems she encounters at school as your fault.

I do think it's a real shame that your DD has been refused entry to some extra-curricular clubs due to being seen as not good enough. That must have been quite a blow to her confidence. Were they sports activities with teachers only interested in the ones who would make the school team? Re extra-curricular activities, I would look for clubs outside of school where your DD can pursue her interests. I would do that sooner rather than later, as your DD is obviously up for doing extra-curricular stuff now, but may well become more reluctant to try new activities in a year or two due to becoming more self-conscious.

In a secondary school, I think it's all too easy for kids who don't excel at any one thing and don't have any behaviour issues to slip under the radar. But I do think that could just as easily happen at the comprehensive. Your DD might be left to coast academically because she is doing OK by their (lower) academic standards or go unnoticed because teachers are too busy dealing with kids with major behavioural issues.

Are there any groups of girls that are not bitchy drama queens that she could be friends with? Not all girls are like this. They weren't all like it in my single sex school and they aren't in dds comp. I'm sure there are plenty of girls like that in her school, but dds group of friends (mixed group) are a nice bunch and i never hear of fallings out or nastiness. If there are no nice girls she could hang out with and you think your dd is unhappy and would choose to hang out with non bitchy girls if she had the opportunity it might be worth considering other options

The other school does sound a better fit, OP, but if she doesn't actually want to move and it's not an easy transition, you risk rebellion if you push her. Does she have any friends at the comp? Having a friend there who she can see is happy, might sway her.

On what others have said, yes of course there will be bitchy girls elsewhere, but schools definitely are all quite different. DS's primary school friends ended up at all sorts of different schools and listening to them talk when they get together, there's clearly a different ethos in each. For example, my DS's friendship group is mixed, so roughly half girls, half boys. He's in year 9 now, but it has been like that since he started. It's quite normal at his school, yet his friends at other schools say that doesn't really happen. DS's school talk a lot about community, citizenship and just being kind, whereas his best friend's school is far more competitive and dog eat dog. The competitive school sounds a bit like your DD's. It gets better results, but it sounds pretty grim in terms of day to day to me. I hope you solve it for her, OP. It sounds tricky..!

As an aside, plenty of the secondary moderns in Bucks get better results than some comprehensives in nearby Counties. It is possible because lots of higher achievers (30% plus) are in the secondary modern schools which is more than in some comprehensives. The secondary moderns have lots going to university and some to RG, so going to a good secondary modern can be adacemic too! I have no doubt that the MC parents select the nicer, higher achieving school and the other is not really a comp is it? There is a grammar in the locality so it has a stripped off top stream leaving the comp as a secondary modern in reality.

You do get nasty pupils everywhere. She is only Y7 and it will take time to suss out the nicer girls. She appears to have gravitated towards the nasty ones (they are proably more fun and louder) and and she needs to re-evaluate who she should be friends with and how to go about edging away from the girls who are not acceptable.

Do not move her if she does not want to move. It is a case of giving her the skills and confidence to find other friends.

I think those who are academically able, sporty or musical will get noticed at most schools and this is more apparent at secondary school as are friendship dramas. Have you spoken to the school about the after school clubs and whether there are any that are more inclusive? Does she do anything outside school? This is a great way to build new friendship groups and escape from the pressure and dramas.

Y7 friendships are a nightmare - is she trying to break into the 'popular'shallow crowd?

There will be things she's good at and she needs to find those -
However I seriously hate the 'were all inclusive but only if you're good enough sports teams'

Leave her there if she wants to stay and listen to her but let her find her space and she will, generally settles in year 8