Any tips for our first secondary school parents' evening?

[MrsFogi]

We're off to our first parents' evening at secondary school - given the itinerary of lots of teachers and taking dd along with us this is clearly going to be a very different experience than in junior school. Can anyone give me any tips on how to get the most out of the 5 minutes with each teacher? And, any insight from teachers on what is/is not helpful and key questions to ask to get information rather than platitudes would be very welcome. Thanks!

What information do you want?

Comfy shoes if you are running round a big site!

Ask dd if there is anything she is concerned about before hand.

I think that each teacher should tell you how your DD is doing. Sounds simple but I find that while some teachers do exactly that, there are others who tell you what the class has been learning over the past few months which isn't particularly useful! I would have a mental or real checklist, so for each subject you check that your DD's attitude to learning, behaviour in class, marks for homework/exams/assessments etc have been covered.

She has been at the school long enough for her teachers to have seen what she is like, so you should get the feeling that they are actually talking about your DD! I would tend to let the teachers say their piece and then save questions for specific concerns and to prompt them for information if they have been very vague. You can keep a note of their main comments if you think you will forget what they have said which she may will do by the end of the marathon!

Have you been sent a copy of her report or will there be an opportunity to collect it before parents evening.

I've lots of years of experience of this from the teacher point of view!
The 5 mins appointments system almost never works. You will more likely end up seeing the teachers roughly in the order planned but you'll wait sometimes. If you see a teacher you want to speak to is free, zoom in there and then! We like that because it avoids wasting time.
Please don't get mad if/ when the appointment system breaks down. It just always does, when so many conversations about kids are going on. Some take 1 min some just need 10. Also parents can be late due to work etc and we all need to be flexible.

Teachers can be scared to say anything negative to parents so look out for euphemisms that might really mean she's a chatterbox/ cheeky/ lazy etc!

You should ask what her target grades are, what grade she's working at now and what she needs to do to improve. Also how you can support at home.

It's also fine to send your child away for a few mins if you want to talk to the teacher privately without embarrassing your child. Things like telling the PE teacher that she's scared of starting her period during PE or something. Or about friendship or bullying issues.

No doubt there will be senior leadership and maybe the head hanging around.. please pass on any positive comments about teachers or school that you have!

Be prepared to make it clear you’re next in line to see a teacher who has a parent/or parents who seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable to overrun their allotted time slot!

Our experience is that it’s always a free for all with parents pushing in, taking too long and it’s my husband’s worst nightmare!

There was a thread about this a while back where teachers said it's useful to say the child's name as they see 100s of kids each week and may not recognise your child out of their seating plan and dressed differently. The only other one i remember was not to start fights with other parents as teachers had seen this happen at parents' evenings! Will see if i can find the thread.

Just listen to what the teachers say. Take a notebook in case you need to write something down. Don't worry about thinking up questions to ask if you don't actually have any!

Sorry can't find the thread

A lot of the teachers (at our school anyway!) seem to ask the DC what they thought was going well and what they thought could go better. Worth priming them to have a think in advance if you don't want your DC just to stare at the floor and mutter "um, er , I dunno really".

Asking what the DC could work on and how to support this at home is always a good question - and sometimes forces the teacher who insists that everything is "going really well" to make a more specific statement.

And yy to writing down what the teacher said - you will not remember at the end what was said in relation to what subject!

Ask your DC beforehand whether there are any issues in each subject you are seeing.

If you have any questions or points to raise then limit to at most 3 per subject.

e.g. Things I have raised in the past

• DC says sometimes you go a bit quick
• Can you read DCs handwriting?
• is level of written detail enough
• I am very happy with progress, thank you
• DC really enjoys your classes
• DC might well want to do this for GCSE
• DC seems to be struggling, how can I help best at home
• Is DC speaking MFL in class

If you want to see a teacher and they have no one with them you can ask to jump in.

My parents always took a note pad and pen! Simple but useful if they give you any tips to help your LO etc

I used to see loads of students as I frequently had two classes in the same year either the same subject or different subjects. So I used to produce a sheet (basically a mini report) with:

Subject
My name
Student's name
Topics covered so far
Target grade
Current grade

Any brief comments I had
A section for the parents to make notes

I gave it to the parents/guardians at the beginning of the appointment. Sometimes it was hardly referred to but often it was, and it was something to take away with them. It helped me to focus as if you have to talk to very many parents sometimes your mind goes blank, and they generally appreciated it.

After they tell me how D'S is doing I ask where he is roughly in the cohort ie. Top, middle or lower third. What can he do to improve in that subject? Is he behaving?

It is like an airport checking in queue over and over with other people waiting and listening!

Yes say "Hello. We're Fogigirl's parents," as you sit down. Twice we have had teachers talk about another girl. Easily done. Similar names and colouring and the staff will teach many kids.

If your child has any quirks or learning difficulties have a quick, clear sentence worked out and agreed with your DD. We've has kids with dyslexia/sensory issues etc and it's good to be concise.

We've had kids at 2 comps. The one only provided refreshments for staff, the other had hot and cold drinks and biscuits for a donation.

Sounds trivial but it is nice to have a drink especially if you've come from work.

The other thing that is worth remembering is that it is a lot more ... erm, gritty ... than primary. My DCs had been at quite a small primary where, after having 2 of them sequentially through the school from nursery, we were pretty much on first name terms with most of the teachers and although they had some different subject teachers, they all knew my child, and us as a family, well. Feedback was thoughtful, nuanced and pleasantly delivered.

Secondary just ain't like that! to be clear, that isn't a dig at any teacher. Its just more workmanlike. My DC are at a private secondary which we like v much and which has a reputation for being nice and supportive etc. but they just don't sugar coat what they deliver. It takes a bit of getting used to or recalibrating.

One of my DDs friends mother said to me "I've just realised how in primary we used to get a sprinkling of fairy dust". Yep. No fairy dust at secondary school parents' evenings!

Thanks so much for all the replies and insight!

How do you handle a teacher that spends the whole 5 minutes talking about what your dc has been learning? - it's such a waste of time.

How do you handle a teacher that spends the whole 5 minutes talking about what your dc has been learning? - it's such a waste of time.

I introduce myself as so and so's parent, give the teacher a minute to tell me what they have probably prepared they want to say (usually how they are doing). Then I interrupt/ask what can we do/study at home to help DC improve in their most needed areas. There is always something, and I write it down.

All that stuff about grades, target grades, progress etc is in the termly reports, you really dont need to waste your 5 minutes regurgitating what you should already know.

Frankly if you're turning up to a secondary parents' evening you're probably not the parents the staff want to see. It's the ones who don't bother whose children tend to need the most input.

I would be asking what they're / will be reading as English seems to be less challenging in year 7 than primary.

I attended a parents evening not long ago and tried to raise the issue of my son's position within the class. Whether he was working in the top, middle or lower third - especially in English where he can struggle from time to time. The teacher refused to say. He just said my son's on-target for the end of the school year and that's all I needed to know.

I thought this was a fairly normal question. Was I wrong to ask?

Comfy shoes, cool clothing, maybe have a small notebook and pen ready to jot down something quickly and be prepared to split up some appointments for less key subjects to get through them all. It can be hectic.

Their will be little opportunities to ask questions as time is short and accounted for don’t ask questions for the sake of it at every teacher as you will be the ones pushing your slots to 10-15 minutes long and stressing out all the parents. Also be mindful of the teachers time.
Many who have come straight from work without dinner, still have to prepare dinner or may have left a younger child at home.

Place in class is irrelevant if you’re assessing progress. Most schools don’t formally Place in class order as its pointless