Year 7 retalliation

[noname11]

Is it reasonable for teachers to expect 12 year old boys not to retaliate/defend themselves ie push back if another child pushes them first? Is it fair for the child who retaliated to be reported for his behaviour by retaliating too?

Ok parent here.

My Y7 ds was involved in a fight with a bully. The tormenting was acknowledged by the school, they agreed it was sustained and serious. They ageeed the bully started the fight. So anyway there was a fight, neither boy was injured. But the head teacher called me in and told me there can never be any justification for retaliation and it just muddies the discipline they need to dish out to the bully and puts violence on the victims record and gets them disciplined.

You can’t fight back. That’s all there is to it. What the child needs is witnesses to the provocation. That’s the only way otherwise it’s his word against the bully.

physics
It's absundantly clear on this thread that the OP only wants a certain type of response.
You're probably best not worrying about if they are/aren't discriminating against you.
That said, making comments about their child is not really on.

A child can retaliate and still be a perfectly nice child who has made a poor choice in the moment. There's no need to be unkind.

Ds does martial arts. The organisation he attends is insured with a martial arts body which will provide legal support if a child is accused of hitting out at a bully. Hopefully we'll never need it.

I think the person who started it should get a worse punishment. Your son may well have never pushed anyone if they hadn't been pushed first and it's kind of a natural reaction. Hitting/punching/kicking is different and I've never told my kids to hit back. It seemed to be the main message people were posting on facebook about giving their child the night before they started year 7 and i found it depressing, especially when one of the mums said "and if you grass you'll be tormented until you leave school and even the teachers hate a grass." Delightful.
How did the school find out about the pushing?

A parent's perspective:
I told my DC to be careful because teachers seldom see the initial incident, only the retaliation, and therefore the innocent party often starts off on the back foot with authority. Don't be a mug and fall for deliberate provocation.
Besides, two wrongs don't make a right.

Maisypops, that was kinda my point - two wrongs don't make a right. I retaliated by being unkind to someone who was unkind to me... that doesn't make it right. And actually it didn't make me feel any better either. And it doesn't help my reproductive organs make children so that I would be acceptable to the op.

That was the wrong word. Read as :

I told my DC to be careful because teachers seldom see the initial incident, only the reaction, and therefore ...

Jsotherhalf, does your child know that?! Blimey, sounds like the club's telling them it's okay to kick back as they'll be covered..!

fwiw, DS's school made it v.v.clear from day 1, that if a child is feeling hassled, bullied (verbally or physically), they're to go to a teacher. Basically they all know that any hitting back means that you are in trouble too, though their version of events will be listened to and taken into account. The kids are also taught to help one another out - i.e. not to standby and watch, but to help others out. If they watch a fight and don't try and find a teacher to intervene, the watchers are in trouble too. It seems to work quite well tbh.

physicskate
I get it now.

You are right. Retailation doesn't solve anything. It's why i hate dealing with the minority of parents who say 'but X did... first so my DC did it back'
No.
X did...
So my child got out of the situation abd if need be used force to remove themselves from tjat situation (e.g pushed past/pushed someone off them) and went to find an a member of staff.