How much do you help your secondary school child?

[chopin33]

Hi there I am just trying to see what other people's thoughts are on this. I have a year 8 dd she will be 13 in March so makes Gcse choices at the end of the year, is happy at school as some good pals but complains school is strict and can be boring! She's in all top sets and in her Xmas report had grades of 3 achievement wise. I'm not sure how much we as parents should be helping her and I'd be really interested to hear what other people do. One thought I had was that I'd buy the Cgp or Letts handbooks and go through them with her but strongly suspect that she would find this very pushy and weird! Just wondering what other people's approaches are with children of this age.

Thanks in anticipation

I have a child the same age and she just tells me when she needs help. I would only consider study guides etc if she was struggling or really falling behind. Mine is a solid set 2 with a good work ethic but I'd have to work her like a dog to make her set 1 and she'd be utterly miserable.

If my children have asked for help I have tried eg testing. Beyond that I have tried to help with exam organisation if they have wanted it, really thinking of year 7 &8. I've never got involved with homework, if they haven't done it they have got into trouble at school.

Mine boarded and I did absolutely nothing. Nothing. I never saw their homework and their books.

I think you need to be careful and not turn her off. Is a 3 bad? You could ask if whe would like any help. You could talk about the challanges of school work and see if any of the teachers really are "boring". Some probably are! Try and talk about how she could cope with these lessons. She won't have to study everything for much longer.

All schools have rules. That's life, isnt it? The best way to get round this is to explain that doing well at school is the best way to move on to university or college where there are virtually no rules! Short term pain for long term gain!!

Yes, I have helped her organise her time/desk area when she's been stressed

my 2 are both top set and get VERY little input from us other than to help with homework WHEN ASKED, to buy revision guides WHEN ASKED - and to discuss "stuff" at the dinner table.

"Stuff" being anything from how to show small percentages on a pie chart, to why Mary Shelley's personal life affected her writing (clue - you do not need to actually know anything - you will be wrong anyhow - you are merely needed as a sounding board).

My younger daughter is also year 8. I keep on her case about homework deadlines, because she's a nightmare for leaving things to the last minute and the end result is stressful for all of us. I sometimes actively help with something she's not understood. For example she was sad because she did badly in a French verb test and it was clear that she was very confused about the whole thing, so we had a couple of sessions going through it together until it clicked.

I do not ask her to do anything over and above what the school set as homework. I trust them to do what it takes to prepare her for exams when the time comes. But I do sometimes buy resources (eg textbooks) that normally have to be shared/left at school.

And I was definitely involved in helping with GCSE and A level option choices when her older sister was at those stages.

DS1 is nearly 13 and in Year 8 as well.

He is in the top sets...he finds Maths easy (he can do maths that I can only dream of doing!) but really has to work hard to keep up in English. I suspect he's fairly nearly the top of the top set in Maths but near the bottom of the top set in English.

He does all maths/science stuff completely independently...couldn't help him even if I wanted to. English I tend to help if he asks me or if I happen to notice something glaringly obvious.

DS is Y8 too and i haven't seen any of his homework this school year. Having said that his last report said that he needs to expand his written work so i've said that i want to read over all his essays before he hands them in this term.

mine is in year 9. i check and remind about homework. she is doing well though how i dont know as im sure i used to study a lot more. tbh im a bit confused as to the grading system. not sure if a 3 is good. thought 4 was a c?

just googled it and grade 3 is very good for year 8. i would just keep an eye. do you have onlin access to progress? just offer help occasionally unless her grades slip.

It depends. Virtually nothing for DC1 bar a bit of vocab testing when he was struggling with a language. Lots of testing for dyslexic DC2 who retained things much better when learning orally. Between us DH and I could have got some GCSEs.

Thank you so much all of you for taking the time to reply to my post. I have read all you replies with interest and also read them to DH - he agrees with all of them so you have done something amazing! 😂 I haven't shared this thread with dd but suspect that she would agree with all your comments as well. It's just great to hear other people's opinions. I think the WHEN ASKED is probably a good rule of thumb. I sometimes get frustrated by the eye rolling and sighing when I ask about school but then again I'd far rather that than for her to come home stressed out. Yes a 3 is a D so for the stage she's at its fine, she can also competently do stuff I could never get my head around such as maths and science. She's been told she can aim for university ( she's not been told this individually a group of them were told collectively) but when the time comes I have suggested to her she might want to do an apprenticeship type thing after A levels where she learns and earns at the same time but that's obviously a topic for another day!

Many thanks once again

If they are saying she is currently at GCSE grade 3 standard and is only in y8 that is very good, so whatever you are doing seems to be working.

I help my DD, also y8, a lot. But she finds academics very difficult so she needs it. I also had to help DD1 up to y11 and beyond. But she has a SpLD so needed it too.

My dd is in year 8 as well. I don't interfere but offer support if asked. Generally, as someone else has said, she just needs a sounding board occasionally.

Our school actively encourages parents to be involved in their child's learning. It is an outstanding school and the school themselves do a lot to engage parents arranging evening events at the school to show and tell your child how to succeed.

Ds1 is in year 10 and Ds2 is in year 7.

So as I did for Ds1, for Ds2 I make sure he has a list of things to do daily like unpack bag of all books, transfer homework to notice board etc. We do a daily check in whilst they have a snack and drink, so each subject on their timetable I ask what did you do - in Maths we did angles, in History we did the Tudors.

This can then lead to talking around the subjects. As Ds1 was doing Elizabeth I in History they were advised to watch Elizabeth's Spy Network on BBC iplayer, but we also watched the Gun Powder Plot and the film Elizabeth with Cate Blanchet.

It is clear when Ds answers his History questions he has more knowledge than what he has been taught. He is genuinely interested in extending his knowledge not just in History but his other subjects too. Dh is heavily involved too as I cannot understand either computer science or statistics.

I had a DD who wouldn't let us get involved. However, we always made it clear we were there to help, tell us about what she'd done and to let us know if she needed any workbooks, stationery etc. If you've got a child that wants help, ideally they should be working independently as it'll be just them sitting the final exam but a few gentle pointers in the right direction to help them understand can never do any harm.

I didn’t help with homework but we did a lot of general knowledge extension. Going to exhibitions, holidays to help with geography and lots of other activities which help with general knowledge. I notice how poor other young people are with all round knowledge. Many teenagers don’t read, don’t pick up on the news, and generally don’t know about art or music. Everyone is blinkered towards exams and it is such a shame.

My DS refused any help from DH or I which I found sad as he clearly needed more help and support (we ended up paying for maths and english tutors). He did pass all his GCSEs, but not particularly good grades, he was clearly capable of better grades but just not motivated enough to study any harder. I think it is great if your child will accept some help, but agree you shouldn't force it.

My son is also in year 8. I ask whether he has any homework. He always replies no, so I check his planner to find that in fact he does have homework, and so I tell him to do it. He does so without complaint.
I only ever help when he asks. He loves Maths so often asks if we can have a competition on who finishes it first.
I did English at university, and he's recently done Gothic literature, which he knows is one of my favourites, so he was asking what traits in gothic characters made me like some books more than others and that kind of thing. They also recently had some moral homework in science about drugs, so he asked me about that.
Also, he auditioned for the school production so has asked for help in learning his lines (basically reading the other parts) but that is about it.

DC1 - bright, academic... hardly any help from us - mostly personal organisation and moral support.

DC2 - dyslexic, young in year... MASSES of support. Currently in Year 11 and DH and I are virtually coaching every subject as he needs to 'overlearn' everything in order to remember. Also LOTS of positive mental attitude and moral support and hot chocolate.

I have never helped any of my children ....maybe discussions at the dinner table or a few Latin words , but that only at primary school . At secondary school I expect them to get on with it themselves .

I have a 12 yo dd (top sets too). Also I'm a secondary teacher. When she started secondary I wasn't sure how well she would cope with organising herself with homework etc, especially as she's a late August birthday so very young for her year, but I didn't want to take over or help her if she didn't need it, as they become reliant on you being motivated instead of them!

It turns out that she doesn't really need help. I ask her if she's got homework and if she says 'Yes but it's not due until Thursday, so I'll do it tomorrow', then that's her decision. She's not yet failed to hand homework un on time.

As for the work itself, I've occasionally helped her with maths as it's her weakest subject, but that's about it.

I have helped with oractical things - there is a ready supply of new print sticks, pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers and protractors for when the current ones are broken. There is always ink in the printer and paper for it, plus plenty of lined paper and also coloured paper for posters etc. These practical things just allow them to get on.

I copy and laminate timetables at the start of the year and pin on the wall and give a version with blu tac for the inside door of school locker.

I have also established an after school routine of a nice snack and drink,followed by homework, dinner and then TV - it is just taken as the norm now.

We haven't needed to buy extra books, but I will as they go up through the school.

I try not to check every little thing but I do look at their ex books now and then to see what they are doing and the kind of comments they are getting on their work.

We also help by trying to facilitate staying for after school clubs (picking up) and school trips.

We've always gone to the library monthly and we still do that - not for school specific stuff but that love of reading helps all subjects.

If asked for help with homework or finding some info online, we try to help.