Good private secondary in london

[kuumy]

Hello !

Desprate single mum here. I need to move my daughter from her current school ASAP. i am thinking of use my pension to fund private education.

She has become precocious too quickly since starting school have noticed a big change. she is now having trouble at home and school. never had a call from her previous school. I fear may have lost her to the system
please any ideas what to do. she is in current yr7

London private secondary schools are likely to be full in year 7 (they'll have fully offered out, and used their waiting lists to ensure that). Churn is lower at secondary age, but there are always some leavers/joiners up to the start of GCSE courses (probably y10)

If you want a move you can also apply for a different state school (you'll need to choose one which is undersubscribed or stick it out through the waiting list, though).

So if private does look best, can you give us some idea where in London you are? You don't want your DD to have toomawful a commute.

You'll need to visit to decide if you like the ethos/atmosphere of the school, and they might want evidence your DD fits the academic level (procedures for this will vary, so ask when you visit).

Are there any other things you would want from a school? Single sex/co-ed, music, sport, drama, other co-curricular?

It seems quite drastic to take her out of school and dip into your pension fund.

What sort of behaviour are you talking about?

By far the most precocious children I know are the privately educated ones! (sweeping statement but completely true).

God yeah, if by precocious you mean sex/drugs/drinking it will be MUCH worse at private school IME.

Schnitzel - it might help OP if you said which schools you think would add to, rather than alleviate, the current difficultiies, as you appear to have definite ones in mind.

You need to provide more info regarding the issues and what might suit her better. Many children find the transition to y7 tricky at whatever school. There may some shuffling in y7/8 in private schools just as state but not necessarily a space where you choose. Many will still have waiting lists.

What kind of issues, OP? And where are you/where in London is feasible commute-wise?

I am in East london with IG post code. i feel that there might be too much distraction for her at this school. she is involve with lots of friends from old primary school that are in the same class and in the school as well. lots of the kids in my area go to this school. my daughter is drawn to them. she wants to be right in the middle of the drama
I believe the school is good, the teachers are great for putting up with her, doing their best but the large school is not helping her. she is getting from bad to worst. these are the issues am dealing with

-problems at school. so far 2 exclusions from class for being disruptive in class with her phone, rude to teacher. twice bunk class and hide in toilet or playground.
-dresses in a seductive way, wears makup to school every day
-lots of social media(whatsapp,snapchat, instagram). read their very rude, vulgar, explicit chats, some on sexual/porn. reported this to the school at start of school year. very bitchy, rude to techers and making fun of teacher.
-she even change her accent when talking to her friends
-anger issues and running away to be with her friends
-some of her friends are using laughing gas at school but i dont think she is involve yet

the sad thing is that she is not remorseful. her phone got taken away for over a month but sneaks on my phone or her brothers. she steals from me, use my card to buy her beauty products on the internet.

dont know what to do with her. she is overly too confident, bright kid but just too arrogant and rude. dont know what to do!!!!. she is immense with this sort of behaviour and no interest in after school activities, reading or anything. says no to everything i suggest for her, I know its not the right thing to use my pension but i feel moving her to a better environment might help.

Now you’ve said what her behaviour is like I do think a change of schools is not a drastic solution. She is exhibiting bad behaviour far beyond what you’d hope for in Year 7 given how they normally get worse through till Year 10 (obviously not all kids). Assuming this is due to the influence of her peers there would be some schools, including private, who would come down much tougher on the behaviour and interrupting her current peer group would give her the chance to start afresh and maybe better.

However, the truth is that often people find the good or bad whichever school they are in. I was never offered or took drugs at school (boarding) but lots of my peers did - I just ran with the geeky crowd. A change of school won’t necessarily be a silver bullet.

Did this really all start just in Year 7? It seems a very quick downward slide (and her behaviour at home to you is shocking). If it did, then the influence of her current schoolmates does seem to warrant drastic measures.

Is thee any way you could look into counselling for her or together? That might help too with anger issues/rebellious behaviour.

And if she is indeed very bright, and is a big fish in a small pond at her school, it might be helpful to move to a more academic school which many independents will be. She may be able to coast along now and still get results and seem effortlessly bright so still cool to her mates, but in my experience only rarely can kids keep this up, and eventually their grades go downhill too. A school where it is not seen as uncool to do some work would help with this. And it would be worth getting her out now before her record is such that an independent wouldn’t want her, if things get worse.

However, taking it out of your pension is a huge commitment so anything you could do less than this (eg could she get involved with some extra curricular activities with better influences, or have some counselling, or do some summer schools for Gifed and Talented?) would be worth trying first.

To be honest I wouldn’t offer her an option about activities or reading given how she is - I’d make her having a phone dependent on doing X amount of reading per week, and pocket money etc dependent on trying out some new activities. I do think the devil makes work for idle hands with many teenagers, and hanging out with friends, while important for them developmentally, can easily become destructive if it involves the dodgy social media use, rudeness to adults etc which you detail. And of course she won’t want to stop doing it because friends are the be all and end all at this age, so it may have to be forced upon her.

Disclaimer - I’m a secondary school teacher, my child is pre-teen so I don’t pretend to be an expert and am not looking forward to the teenage year challenges!

kuumy try Braeside girl's school. It's small, relatively cheap, and they will have spaces. It ends after GCSEs, so a natural entry point to go back into the state sector at 6th form if everything calms down.

www.braesideschool.co.uk/about-us/gcse-reults/

Thank you all for your responses, helpful comments/ suggestions
i am taking every point in. I did ask the school for some counselling (when she started to act up) but told it could take about a month before they saw her. I will ask again but my gut feeling is remove her from the school.

never really notice/experienced anything like this with her before. must admit though she has had lots of unsupervised time at home due to me working. I just want to gain some control before its too late

Thanks EmpressoftheMundane will check the school out

It seems to me like you are going to have to put your foot down and be more strick with her and regain control of the situation before is too late. I understand it must be difficult if you are a single mum and have to work full time but a change of school alone will not solve the problem. As you said you have not being around much to supervise her and this is part of the problem. I will look at smaller state schools too as going private won't necessary solve the problem and you will have another one which is having to find the money to pay the fees. Any chance you can go part time? are you sure she is not using the laughing gas too?

My daughter will go into year 7 next year and she won't be having access to social media. I am giving her a basic phone whether she likes it or not, she will only have pocked money if you if she is helping in the house and is having good reports from school. Easier saying all that now, will see next year.

My daughter will go into year 7 next year and she won't be having access to social media. I am giving her a basic phone whether she likes it or not,
I thought this too when my DD was in year 6 but it's hard to enforce. I lasted 2 weeks. Even the birthday party invites come on WhatsApp and not to have that (or i-messenger depending on the school) means they are left out of so much including homework swaps, reminders about match fixtures etc. I would keep an open mind.
I do monitor use to the hilt and can recommend packages if anyone wants to PM me.

Thank you both for your input. looked into state school but in my area all large schools. one in barkingside much smaller than her current school. looking into that one.

for sure, a big mistake getting phone with internet. they are smart and can do anything these days with these phones. the danger is not only social medial but access to porn at such a young age. putting my foot down since August been a constant battle.

@FanDabbyFloozy will PM you

@kuumy - for some reason, I couldn't reply to your PM but I'm not sure why as no reason was given by MN (literally just a blank message!)