11 year old with poor focus / absent-minded

[LisaLux]

Hello,
I live abroad at the moment (for the last 2 years) and my 11 year old has just started secondary school here. In all of her schools, in London, then when we lived somewhere else, then again same old school in London and now here, teachers say she doesn't concentrate and is absent minded.

I witness the same with her at home. Her younger sister is very different - can get on with things quickly and with focus.

It's so tough for me as everything with my eldest takes so long, and she never puts her whole head onto one task.

I thought she might grow out of it but she hasn't and she doesn't even want to listen to me, or what the teachers say.

I really don't know what to do to help her anymore. If she could focus her work would get done so much more quickly and neatly,.

I cannot get her to put her mind onto any task and I feel exhausted by it (and other aspects of life!)

Thank you so much!

LL

Please don’t blame yourself!! It’s genetic just as Cherry said

Thank you! So great to see!

Don't blame yourself - gosh there is no proven link between SENs and drinking. But I know want you mean it is tough not to always feel guilty.

Feel for you I really do. My six year old is just about to be assessed but I am convinced she is ADHD and ASD.

Earlier this year I attended this course and it was amazing - really thought me how to empathise and support her better - things are a lot better since. I can't recommend it enough. www.connectionsinmind.co.uk/service/parental-support-group-sessions/

@bagnallv thank you so much. I will look up that site! Unfortunately I'm abroad but hey ho! Yes - very difficult for me to get on with my eldest very often, but also know it's massively linked to all that went wrong in my life after she was born, which is sad to think about. Wish I could change my relationship with her! I will keep trying (and failing of course!)

I have hyper mobility and poor co-ordination for EDS, but at nearly 40 I think I have ADHD, and self prescriptive meds have changed my life
How did you self prescribe meds for ADHD??

Hi... having just had dd15 diagnosed as ADHD I would recommend getting her assessed as soon as pos.... it was so clear when DD had session with SEN (and confirmed by Psychiatrist) ... and we'd gone through 3 years of DD saying her brain wasn't working properly, that she didnt feel normal, her brain was foggy - and no longer excelling at Physics and Maths. (Oh, and she has hyper mobility and poor concentration/easy distraction) It would have done her self-confidence, not to say her learning, a huge deal of good to have known earlier and develop appropriate coping strategies - as well as taking appropriate medication which now give her a clear brain for much of the day. Good luck!

oh... ps we weren't appalling parents... whenever we raised with school they said this was normal adolescent behaviour/brain development and that although her grades had dropped this was 'normal".... and treated us as if we were being over-precious parents rather than concerned by what our DD was reporting...

dd2 is dsylexic. Took us ages to get a diagnosis. it wasn't just the poor spelling, but the clumsiness, lack of short term memory in following instructions, application of logic to higher order English eg. if i said "you need to try harder and pull your socks up" she would literally bend down and pull her socks up!
This summer she graduated with first class honours from university. . your dd will get there too

@loveyouradvice @dementedma thank you so much for the words of your own experience. I hope we get there too!