Mum could be getting sent to prison for my sister missing school, help!

[hikikomorioh]

My mum has always done her best to get my sister to school, but some days she just refused to go. My mum obviously cannot force her, so she would let the school know. We had a lady from the school come round and talk to my mum and my sister about attendance.

Fast forwards a few months. My sister had a day off as she was sick and her attendance is currently at 91%

The school sent my mum a letter stating their intention to prosecute her, with either a fine of £2,500 or 3 months in prison.

Obviously both would be devastating for us, being a low income mum only family. I am 20, and I’m not sure how me and my two sisters (16, 13) would survive without my mum for even a month, never mind three.

Getting a job for a few months isn’t possible as I am doing a full time university degree. Would it be possible to fight the prosecution or if not, get her finances and child benefits transferred to me for a few months as a carer of sorts? My mum is terrified of going to prison and is convinced she is going to have to go. Please, help!

How much discussion have you had with the school about this? You've said 'a lady came out' to see your mum, but that sounds a bit like you did nothing till they contacted you. Your mum needs to be proactive and show she is also concerned and doing everything she can, even if ultimately that doesn't succeed some days. I think her first step today should be to ring the headteacher and ask to come in and see them ASAP as she really wants to work with them on this. They may be under the impression that she just isn't that bothered.

I seriously doubt anyone will want to send a parent with two dependent teenage children to prison. Nevertheless, show you're making an effort and you're more likely to avoid the consequences.

Am I the only one who is reading this as

There was a big problem.
The school acted heavy.
The problem abated some and sister mainly went to school.
The sister got sick one day and was absent and the school played heavy?

Because I think this is a different issue altogether (but I am not sure if I am reading it correctly).

Also agree that 91% isn't that high - it's the same as missing either a whole morning or whole afternoon every week. (Or one full day a fortnight, as a PP said.)

I remember physically pulling one of my sons from his bed. I used to have to unpry his fingers from the bed posts. No sooner had I got one undone, then the other would grab. It started when he was 12, and I was still doing it at 16.

He was bullied in school, and in turn his own behaviour got worse and worse. The schools seemed to think that it was all unrelated??

I would take him to school, and no sooner was he in the gate and my back was turned he was off again. The schools answer was frequent exclusions. Of course, he loved that!

He was eventually given a 'managed move' to another local secondary, where it all started all over again.

The bullying continued, now they were focused on his severe psoriasis. The more stressed he got, the worse it got. 'Aids victim, leper' etc etc. So he would simply walk out.

I got letters etc threatening me and in the end I lost it. I didn't see what else I could do to keep this kid in school and I ploughed in shouting, trust me, the shouting was the end of the line. I'd reasoned, and discussed tactics, and signed him in daily and nothing was working.

I recall asking WHY the bullying wasn't being dealt with so many times and in several schools. Repeatedly they would say 'We've not had a child with such a severe skin condition before'. The last time I virtually screeched 'How is it because his skin is marked by a medical condition you can do nothing, yet if he was being bullied for skin colour you have a whole written policy???'. Must have struck a chord because I then found out that most schools have a budget that allows for private tuition.

Is there anyway to find out if your sisters school can allow for this? The hours only just hit the legal 16 hours minimum but it was enough to salvage the last couple of years.

It may not be the nice thing to do, but let your sister know how serious the situation is. Point out to her that a 3 month prison sentence will certainly result in the family home being lost ( if it's rented from local authority would they have to let you kids stay there?) even if it's not a real possibility, make her believe that with mum in prison she would be taken into care and your home would be taken away because mum is in prison and she signed the lease or pays the mortgage. Mum will lose her job and be unemployable, that would mean no more smart phone, whatever brand trainers kids 'need' , Friday night pizza or whatever other treats mean something to your sister.

I also think you need to get to the cause of why your sister hates school, maybe changing to another school would help if she is being picked on, maybe the threat of being the new girl will be enough to make her want to not change schools and hopefully she will be scared into high attendance.

I hope you get this sorted, it must be very stressful for everyone.

One day a fortnight may not sound much, but imagine just not showing up for your job one day every fortnight. Your boss would take action and rightly so.

I am sorry to hear about the problems your family are facing

The likelihood is that this is an attempt by the school to get your DM to remove your DSis from their role. They do not want to have to deal with students who are not attending regularly because they drag down their GCSE stats. They do not want to have to deal with the problems leading to your DSis refusing school - usually bullying, mental health issues or demands from the parents to help at home.

They frighten the families by threatening a prosecution. This usually adds to the existing cocktail of problems a family has. They then suggest that the parents can avoid prison by exercising their right to home school. Most families do this. The result is that the young person then stays at home, sleeping until midday, messing around on the internet and either mixing with other drop outs or becoming increasingly socially isolated. But this does not show up as an exclusion in the schools stats so they get away with it. The young person finds it very difficult to re-engage with the education system until they are 16 plus.

If you recognise this scenario, you should be asking the school how many other students have chosen the home schooling route...and make it very clear that you will be complaining to your MP. This is happening to a lot of young people.

You can reassure your mother that she isn't going to prison and she won't be fined £2,500. Those are the maximum penalties and are only used for exceptionally serious cases. There is no way your mother would get that kind of penalty based on the information in your post.

From the description you have given this is a Category 3 offence or, at worst, a Category 2 offence. If it gets to court the worst penalty your mother could get under the sentencing guidelines is a community service order but even that is very unlikely. The most likely outcome is a fine. If she pleads guilty at the first opportunity the fine is unlikely to be more than one week's income and could be less than 20% of one week's income.

You won't have to survive without your mum. She is not going to prison.

Having said all of that, your sister does need to go to school regularly. She needs to understand that, although it will only be a fine this time, if she continues to skip school your mother could eventually be sent to prison.