AIBU to feel my bullied child was punished instead of the bully

[Paprikas]

My daughter is quite a petite 12, herself and her friends were told to get off a bench by a much larger girl. When they wouldn’t this girl went for her, ripped her earring out, pulled hair out her scalp etc, my daughter kicked back at her, to get her off but it took a 6th year boy to lift the bully away. Anyway my daughter is traumatised, has been off school the last 2 days while the other girl was in the “support base” and threatened another one of dd’s friends. I don’t think the girl was punished, it was assault, what if she did that to a teacher. The school had been ignoring our calls until my elder dd put up a Facebook post. She then had the head boy shouting at her and sending a very passive aggressive message tonight. Sorry for ranting on but this school is already in bother with the council for bullying issues. AIBU feeling the punishment wasnt enough, I am too close to it to feel I’m making a measured decision. I’m thinking of reporting to the council and would appreciate any input. Thanks.

Mirroring other posters, go to the police. Something similar happened to me at school and school told me the police couldn't do anything so we never reported it but I have since realised it was assault and battery perhaps even GBH and I should've pushed further for the girl to be punished, not just moved classes etc.

Keeping your daughter off school has not helped. Had she been in school they would have dealt with it - take your daughter in to school Monday morning and see someone then.

At what point are the parents of the bully involved?

And are there any downsides to getting the police involved?

My mates son had something similar happen to him and the school implied making it a police matter complicated things from their POV, not sure how.
Surely it’s a safeguarding issue?

Keeping your daughter off school has not helped
So if You were assaulted at work you'd be in the next day without any reassurance of your safety?

Which is why I would have gone in and demanded it be sorted

As in my DD should not be the one missing out on school

Piece that's not easy when the child is too anxious to attend school. The school should as a minimum be telling the DD what they are doing to keep them safe.
In my ds case I just kept being told " well pupil is excluded for 2 days so isn't there".
Great - so 2 days of anxiety getting more anxious about their return. Not knowing what other students may or may not say about the situation and not knowing who to go to when anxious.

Imo the effect on victims is downplayed still to far to much of an extent. The police refer to victim support for common assault and so to expect a child to 'just get over it and come in' is totally ridiculous.

Why do you say that boney? The two times a child assaulted an adult at my school whilst I’ve been here have been PEXed. One was against me.

because it’s really immature? So is ignoring the calls of a parent whose child has been attacked...

ASauvignonADay
Why do you say that boney?

Because I have been assaulted, my friends have been assaulted and colleagues have been assaulted and the response has been on a scale from nothing to PEX.

and the PEX was after a long, long list of assaults and issues.

@BoneyBackJefferson that’s shocking. I was assaulted, and it wasn’t serious, and the child didn’t have much previous, but the head decided to PEX almost immediately. So it does happen but I guess varies between schools and LAs which is worrying.

Massive difference between schools within the same LA. Notably in my case a difference between state maintained and academies. Also between 'areas' and expectations of schools of behaviour from their cohort.
The school ds was assaulted at had a huge bullying problem and general behaviour problem and they punished less severely than his current school does for more minor infractions.

different
No, ignoring the calls is unprofessional not immature. Social media is never the answer. She now has passive aggressive comments on there and it’s stirring everything up and making it worse.

Out of interest I would like to know if the girl who pulled her off the bench was also in her Year (I’m assuming Year 8) or if this was someone in an older year. Just from having worked in secondaries for so long I’m finding it hard to imagine a younger student not immediately doing what an older student asked. Whereas if it’s someone in her own Year I can imagine it, and it makes things more difficult because she will be in the same lessons.

And there could also be history?

It is both when you consider that they are avoiding them in order to not have to deal with the situation.

You don’t actually know that the Headteacher was ignoring the call. That was the assumption made. This could have been one of several problems going on and was the smallest of the issues. I’m not excusing it but it’s nothing like as immature and ridiculous as putting something on Facebook.

First of all, this is not a Safeguarding issue. It is about discipline and behaviour. The behaviour and sanctions policy should indicate what punishment might ensue if you actually hurt another child. Read all this before you see the Head. It should be in your handbook or on their web site.

If a child is sent home pending investigation of an incident, but a parent is not available, the child will be isolated until a parent can turn up. This does not mean the incident is not being investigated. When you see the Head, ask how the investigation is proceeding and when will they be seeing your DD for her evidence. Make absolutely sure this is happening. Apologise for any Facebook posting as it is not helpful. You need to establish if there is bad bliss between your DD and the assailant and make sure your DD knows who else was there to give evidence and also the 6th form boy. What member of staff was told about the fight? Surely some adult was informed?

Lastly, get your DD to take her earrings out.

Bad blood!!!

It is safeguarding. There is now a peer on peer safeguarding policy because assault of a peer is classed as abuse.

How is this not a safeguarding issue when the OPs dd was assaulted

And absolutely put it on SM if it gets results. People do it all the time and it absolutely sux that this seems to be the only way to get attention now but it's the way the world is moving.

Tbh the police would have been my first port of call. Nowhere else would being assaulted be ignored.

Your poor dd.

It is not safeguarding.

Safeguarding is protecting children from harm. The OP’s DD has been harmed.

http://www.wakefield.gov.uk/Documents/schools-children/safeguarding/schools/example-safeguarding-policy.doc

Section 7 of the SAFEGUARSING POLICY is peer on peer abuse.

It is safeguarding for both children.

I would keep her out of school until they can guarantee her safety. My daughter used physical violence to get out of a situation in primary school (yr 6) where a much bigger girl had her in a head lock. The school were amazingly supportive and my daughter wasn't reprimanded at all. I am shocked the school took so long to respond to you as well.
I would always stand by my daughter if she used whatever means she needed to protect herself.