12 yo homework and anxiety

[permatiredmum]

My Y8 DD is quite an anxious child but sailed through Y7 with no problems.Puberty hit over the summer holidays in a big way which may or may not be relevant.Up to then she was a sporty energetic child. This term she has been exhausted and the worry of homework completely dominates every waking hour. She gets up at 7 am and gets home about 4.30. She is SUPPOSED to be set 13 homeworks in the pattern (3,3,2,2,3 ) a week of about 30 mins duration, but she is spending FAR more time than that. Her planner shows an average of 17 homeworks per week and each one takes at least 45 minutes.She is very competitive and very concientious and wants to do evevrything perfectly. Sheis exhausted by the time she is finished, then its bedtime and time to start all over again. Her 2 hobbies are gymnastics which she only now does Saturday (9-1) and triathlon swimming 1 hour per week.She has no energy for these and got out of the pool sobbing feeling sick and exhausted after the warm up last night.
.I didn't wake her up this morning so she could have a good sleep in, I want to phone the school and explain the situation saying she is not doing anymore homework this week and will start afresh on Monday, but she has begged me not to.
WWYD.I don't think the life of a 12 YO who is still a kid should be all school and homework! I am concerned by her sudden lack of energy and ability to cope with things. I have had 4 previous kids through the same school with no problems

It might be worth taking her to the GP to see if there is a reason for the sudden lack of energy. As you know from your older children, it's normal for teenagers (and nearly-teens) to need more sleep etc but what you describe seems to go beyond that.

If her periods have hit, for example, there's a possibility of anaemia sapping her energy. That could have a knock-on effect elsewhere in her life.

That is a long day - is there a lot of travel?
Also a lot of homework both number of items and duration.
Is it a high performing pushy school?

The only things I can suggest are
a) Contact tutor re total number of homeworks being more than expected, plus a general 'heads up'
b) Oversee homework for a while and make her stop when it is 'good enough' rather than 'perfect', especially if these homeworks include art-drawing-etc. (Unless you think she is likely to do one of them for GCSE, but in that case still stop but say she can do more at the w/e as 'relaxing' if she wants to).

I have to be honest & say I've just pulled Ds out of an academically pushy school (in Year 8 he got 16 pieces of homework a week each taking at least half an hour if not longer.

He is so, so much happier. His new school also finishes earlier so he's getting home by 4.00pm rather than 4.40-5pm ish.

Dd is in Year 11 at a different school & on target to get all grades 7/8 with a couple of aspirational 9's mentioned & she seems to do fine on about 30-45 mins per night.

So even if the homework took the time it was meant to, she would be spending 7am - 6pm every day just on getting to school, being at school and doing homework?

That just sounds like way too much. I'd be tired too!

blimey dd is at a super selective and year 8, and does hers in lunchtime and hardly ever has any left to do in the evenings!

It does seem to me though that the exhaustion is not right, that she may be unwell. (anaemia as pp mentioned?)

I would take her to GP, she is fit, healthy diet, enough sleep, there is no reason for this exhaustion. It is not a side effect of puberty.

RedSky - many children have a longer day at secondary.

Mine get home at 4:45 at the earliest.

I know that many children have a longer day at secondary school. That doesn't mean it doesn't make them tired!

Thanks for your replies. I phoned the practice and was put through to the nurse practitioner.
She didn't seem at all concerned but said maybe we should make an apt with GP if I was worried , as it could be anaemia or diabetes , but the definite message was that we the 'worried well'

I think go with your instinct here OP - if you think she is just a bit tired and needs and early night, or if you think this is not right and has been going on too long.

DD1 was like this in spring and i took her to the doctor in the end - turned out her iron levels were very low and her Vit D levels were "through the floor".
Supplements soon sorted her out. There's a vitamin specifically for teenage girls "well teen" or something, might be worth trying.

perfectionist tendencies are definitely something to keep an eye on / knock on the head if you can - i'd be tracking her homework, what she has and help plan her homework time. Set a time limit per piece of work and don't let her go over it. Art, DT etc token effort required (unless it's her thing and even then do it at the weekend).

17 homeworks of 30 mins each = 8.5 hours/week. That is a huge amount.
Keep an eye whether some of them are really 30 mins, or just a "finish off x,y,z" "read x" etc... if they truly are getting 17 proper pieces of homework I'd be talking to the HOY.

No camping - we were sent a homework timetable at dd's old school which stated 16 homeworks per week of 20-30 mins duration each piece so it's obviously what some schools expect.

Many schools have official timetables which say 1-1.5 hours per day. But in practice, some of those end up being a quick finish off.

If you do actually get 1-1.5 hours a day at year 8, what on earth are they going to do for GCSE?

It seems a lot for 12 year olds. Ds in year 10 doesn't get as much as that.

A lot of dd's homework was finishing off. But ds's was always set tasks, finishing off work from class was extra on top of that. It made home life a nightmare. I'm so glad we moved him.