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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Year 7 children...how much do yours stay in touch with primary school friends?

17 replies

Theromanempire · 25/09/2017 19:48

If they are at different high schools?

DS1 has gone to high school with about 50% of his group of friends from primary school - the other 50%, he doesn't seem bothered about staying in touch with.

Is this normal? He has a phone so can text, make arrangements etc but just hasn't. He is very lazy laid back and finds it easy to make new friends so has settled in well at high school.

I know other friends have made arrangements at weekends etc (cinema, sleepovers etc).

How much do your year 7's keep in touch?

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 25/09/2017 20:05

My Dd has left school now, but she was the only one from her (small) primary to go to her secondary. Some of her primary friends were in the same position. She kept in contact with them using social media, but I don't think she met up with any of them until Year 11. Now they meet up as a gang of five most holidays!

If she had asked to keep in touch with her old friends, I would've helped her do so. But I think she found starting a new school, making new friends, joining new school clubs, keeping up with the work etc to be enough without adding anything else into the mix.

colourdilemma · 25/09/2017 20:13

For dd, she is discovering whatsapp is a double edged sword for keeping in touch. Great to have silly chats with friends, not so great that they have discovered spam and she had 543 messages when she got home. It isn't any kind of stealth boast-she only has 2/3 of class from last year, some close some not plus a few she's met at secondary school. It's just that 11 year olds seem to like multiple inane messages that are mostly LOL and emojis!
Real life, she's seen her closest three friends since going to school where she knows hardly anyone. Those bonds seem strong but the acquaintance type friends have slipped.

colourdilemma · 25/09/2017 20:14

I think it's reasonably healthy to lose touch with some-shows he's settled at the new place and is busy.

Orangeplastic · 25/09/2017 20:19

None initially - quite purposely in fact but then after a few months they got re-aquainted and it's been good since.

Lily2007 · 25/09/2017 20:23

DD has sent the odd message and got the odd message back that's it. First day at new secondary where she is the only one from primary she said I have a new best friend. After day 3 said she had 5 close friends. I think its a good sign they have settled.

Witchend · 25/09/2017 20:27

Dd1 almost nothing. Occasional phone calls from someone she was friendly but no more with. I suspect more because the friend struggled at the secondary school than because she wanted to keep up with dd1.
Dd2 a small amount of messaging and meeting up but gradually less as time goes on.

ReinettePompadour · 25/09/2017 20:31

None of my dc ever kept in touch with old primary school friends. In fact they rarely speak to the ones in the same school.

They haven't spoken to any old friends since leaving high school and going to University either.

I'm not sure why they would keep in touch. They're just kids who happened to be in the same school. They didn't choose those friends as you would being an adult. Its rare school friends want to go on and pursue the same things as each other so inevitable that they will move on and not keep in touch.

RedSkyAtNight · 25/09/2017 20:37

DD (Y7) has not kept in touch with her friends who went to different schools - but in fairness, none of them were particularly close friends.

On the flipside DS (now Y9) still regularly sees a primary school friend at a different school and is in regular communication with a friend who moved to a different town (not visiting distance).

Original poster

Theromanempire · 25/09/2017 20:38

Thanks for the responses. As a pp said, I would happily facilitate meet ups if he asked but he hasn't asked. A quick check of his phone (yes I do that) has shown one very brief text exchange with one boy who he was quite close to but nothing with anyone else.

My friends DS is struggling a bit with high school and he seems to be meeting every weekend with old friends but I know he is struggling making new friends.

To be fair DS1's best friend seemed to change on a weekly basis at primary school- not for any nasty reason but just because DS seems to go with the flow.

As long as it's normal, I'm happy

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Rudi44 · 26/09/2017 19:45

As we are only 2 weeks into yr 7 we haven't organised meet ups, DD is keeping in touch via social media and whatsap but she has out of school activities most nights and school is proving full on. She is the only one from her primary to go to her secondary school and the rest are scattered around 5 or 6 other schools in our city. I am keen for her to keep in touch with her primary group, particularly as she is at an all girls school and her primary friends include boys but it's very much down to her

MrGrumpy01 · 26/09/2017 21:12

I think she has sent a few texts to a couple of them, but nothing more. I have spoken to a few of the parents and reported back to her. She sees one of the boys at an outside activity.

She was only 1 of 5 from her school to go her school and none of them were part of her friendship group. She has settled well and made a little group of friends.

This was always going to be an issue of some kind as the primary school catchment is split for secondary school catchments and then there is a 3rd umbrella school catchment (which works on a lottery system) so we always knew that she would end up being split from friendship groups - we just happened to decide on a non-catchment school.

AChickenCalledKorma · 26/09/2017 21:39

DD2 is in year 8 and still in touch with two primary friends who went to different schools. But they were her closest friends in year 6 so she has made the effort. One she sees regularly at scouts and I think they'll stay in touch. The other just on WhatsApp and they have only met up once or twice.

She has actively cut ties with a lot of primary friends who are at the same school, mind you. I think there's just a lot of change as they grow up and have a bigger pool of people to find those with whom they have a lot in common.

RedSkyAtNight · 27/09/2017 08:01

Well, I take back my previous comment. DD spent a fair chunk of last night on WhatsApp - talking to a primary friend who's moved to America!

Soursprout · 27/09/2017 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 27/09/2017 08:17

My ds has just been very happily reunited with his best friend from pre school in the 6th form! They have barely seen each other since then, but are doing most of the same subjects and have practically identical interests, activities and fashion sense.

Teddygirlonce · 27/09/2017 08:33

Think it's a boy/girl thing TBQH.

DS (now in Yr 12) went to a secondary school as the only child from his primary school (as indeed did many in his primary school class). He hasn't actively stayed in touch with any of his former classmates, although he does occasionally see a few of them (as I'm still in touch with their mothers and we often all meet up). He's just not fussed.

DD (just started at secondary school) seems to be keeping up with some of her primary school friends using social media. She is keen to meet up with some of them too, although it's yet to happen. She is already forging new friendships though at secondary school; I have a feeling that her interest in her other friends might take a back seat for a while, at least short-term.

Original poster

Theromanempire · 27/09/2017 10:32

It seems more common than I thought then...I assumed most children would be actively staying in touch with each other - particularly this early on but clearly not.

As long as DS is happy, I'm happy I knew he will find a group who have far more in common with him but I think he is just into transient friendships. If I ask him, he will say his best friend is a boy who he was at nursery with from 6 months old and all the way upto year 4 - the boy moved to another town and new school and they stay in touch sporadically but he still describes him as his best friend!

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