Was this teacher joking or being unkind?

[youarenotkiddingme]

DS (13) is very anxious (has ASD) and struggles with some aspects of school.

He also seems to have difficulties with some teachers which I know is common as some people don't fully 'get' ASD.

One teacher DS has had issues with repeatedly this term pointed a ruler at him today and said "someone annoying is at the end of this ruler"

DS responded cheekily and she wasn't happy about it but then told him he would be let off detention because she didn't want to stay behind at the end of the day.

Personally I think she knows she was out of order and as his keyworker has already had to have words about her following his behaviour plan she was saving face.

DS just says she finds him annoying and doesn't really like him. I get she may feel that way. (She should be subtle about it though!)
I want to know what others think because I'm not sure whether to see if anything develops or intervene before it goes too far?

Any POV gratefully received.

What do you mean, opheliacat? I meant that if OP's DS can make a joke about not being clear who was the idiot in the scenario (him or the teacher), she can make a joke about "lucky I dont' want to stay behind tonight to supervise detention"

I read it as

Teacher calls DS annoying. This may have been a joke, intended affectionately

Sorry, cat walked on the tablet and posted that!

DS responded with humour
Teacher took offence?

fuck off, cat

Ollenus the teacher started the interaction with her joke - or what ds to took to be a joke and he responded that way.

The way she reacted to his response made him confused as to him she seemed annoyed.

To me her response could have been a joke or genuinely annoyed at him and I can't be clear because of previous interactions.

Much easier to ask people what they think.

I'm not going to do anything but I'll keep a further eye on the situation.

Can teachers not even use gentle teasing these days?
When teasing can only go one-way from the teacher to the child, then it's not really gentle. If it is truly gentle then he shouldn't get told off for teasing back.

That's exactly it voice. Big difference between teasing which is a 2 way thing (banter) and her making comments to tease him in front of class and expecting him to take it just because he's the pupil.

If she did give him a detention then the situation would have been clear-cut teacher being a cow. But because she didn't, (a teacher who was really pissed off would surely have set it for another day) it's still possible the whole thing was jokey and your DS misinterpreted.

Ds has said before she made the quip about not wanting to stay behind she told him not to be a smart mouth.

I've just told him to keep his head down and next time she makes a comment that is unkind - whether or not he thinks she's joking or not - then he's to say to her please not to make fun of him in front of the class.

Does he know what he was doing that she was finding annoying? If not he might struggle to stop doing whatever it is. Could you contact her and ask how he is getting on in class to try and shed some light on what's going on? It might help resolve things if you have a chat about it.

They were doing a worksheet based on the experiment they'd just done and ds decided to tell her he knew some facts on one of the things they'd studied.

I can imagine he started a monologue! Fair enough - it can be very annoying but he does respond to people saying he's talked enough and it's someone else's turn!

Oh dear. It does sound like teasing him is the wrong approach and she needs to just be straight with him like you said would work. Could you say that to her? Just a bit concerned things might escalate

I would still approach it by asking how he is getting on in class to open up the conversation though rather than starting by criticising how she is dealing with him. You could drop what you think works with him later on in rhe conversation

I'm not worried about how she dealt with it: DS likes humour and it works for him. But the humour was a piss take of him which he was expected to take and not joke back.

That is not ok. That's just taking the piss. The asd is a red herring in that scenario because that Luke be unfair on any student.

I know he's not getting along with this teacher. But they are stuck with each other and his keyworker intervenes if needs be.

I will monitor and if things don't improve or get worse I'll ring her.

I would guess it wasn't a joke by her reaction. I would guess he had been doing something she found annoying that's why she did it.

Hard to be sure though but I have a y6 Aspergers and some teachers don't get it though at primary they now all do. I would just monitor though if you get chance to have a quick chat with her it may help. I find its only the odd teacher who enjoys being nasty, only came across one like that, the rest its more a case of they don't know what to do so they often appreciate knowing what works and what doesn't. I don't think she will be nasty, it sounds like he's making a few comments she doesn't appreciate. Mine does very blunt comments at times like I can't believe how stupid this mother is within earshot of said mother. If you had a chat you could maybe find out what she has an issue with and encourage him to lessen that.

Other way is do you know someone else in the class who can give an independent view of what's happening.

At my school the ruler would have been chucked at you by the teacher!

She sounds like a prick.